Healthy Mind, Healthy Life

Grief doesn’t follow a neat timeline—and it doesn’t ask for your permission before it changes you. In Healthy Mind, Healthy Life, hosted by Sayan, author and grief advocate Kirsten O’Connor shares what life really looks like after sudden loss, and why “closure” is often the wrong goal.

This episode is for anyone grieving—or supporting someone who is. You’ll hear a grounded, honest view of grief as love, why silence can hurt more than saying the wrong thing, and how joy and sorrow can exist in the same breath.

About the Guest:

Kirsten O’Connor is the author of The Year After Kahlia and the founder of This Is Grief. She writes and speaks candidly about grief after the death of her 24-year-old daughter, Kahlia.

7. Episode Chapter

1. 00:08:29 — Grief without timelines: an honest space

2. 00:10:22 — The “before and after” identity split

3. 00:14:19 — The biggest myths: stages, “getting over it,” moving on

4. 00:17:03 — What to say (and how to keep the conversation open)

5. 00:19:45 — Shock, numbness, and time feeling unreal

6. 00:21:39 — The guilt of joy: holding two truths at once

7. 00:30:10 — Resources, rituals, and where to find Kirsten’s work

Key Takeaways:

• Grief isn’t a problem to solve—it’s love that keeps going.

• You can’t “do grief wrong”; your pace and your way are allowed.

• Silence and avoidance can deepen isolation—saying something imperfect is often better.

• Swap “I’m so sorry” with: “Can you tell me about them?” to keep connection open.

• Joy and grief can coexist; it’s not betrayal, it’s being human.

How to Connect With the Guest:

Website (resources + book): http://thisisgrief.nz/