SPEAKER_02 0:05

At some point, almost all of us will face a season where the life we were living no longer fits the person we are becoming. A career shift, a personal reinvention, a moment where the old map stops working and the new one has not arrived yet. That in-between space is one of the most disorienting spaces a human being can stand. And it is also, if we know how to navigate it, one of the most transformative ones. Welcome back to Healthy Mind, Healthy Life. I'm your host, Yosef, and today I'm joined by Timothy Stobi, a pastor and speaker who has spent years walking alongside people through some of the most significant turning points of their lives. He brings to this conversation not just professional but lived experience of what it means to navigate change with faith, honesty, and genuine resilience. Today, we're talking about career and personal transitions. What makes them so hard, what makes them meaningful, and what it actually looks like to move through them well. Timothy, I welcome you to the show.

SPEAKER_00 1:25

Thank you so much, Yusuf. It really is a joy and a privilege to join you here today.

SPEAKER_02 1:32

Thank you so much. So, Tim, before we get into the deeper conversation, I'd love to start with something personal. Is there a transition in your own life that you did not see coming? Like one that reshaped how you think about change itself? Not the polished version of the story, but the honest one.

SPEAKER_00 1:56

Yeah, that's a that's a really good good question. Yeah, the unexpected one. I didn't come prepared with an answer. I would say that both of so both of our children are are grown and have they've both gotten married and they've they've left our home. And I always I would say it didn't surprise me in that it happened, but maybe it has been surprising to actually go through it and to recognize how that would impact me. So, you know, it in in the space of three months. So my daughter got married on June 16th, and then my son of the same year got married on August 26th. So just a few months apart. And just like that, you know, our home, our home changed. The being at the at the dinner table was was different. Instead of four, there was all of a sudden just two. And you know, it it really did, I would say, push me into like how I use my time. All of a sudden I had all this extra time because we weren't doing things, you know, with them so much. We had we had space in the house. And while there is some like freedom that that comes with that, it was like there's an emptiness there. And yeah, I would definitely say that that that kind of pushed me into a spot where I I started to think maybe more about oh, I I actually am getting older. You know, I've got I've got my kids are gone. And yeah, I I I I didn't get the uh the warning light, you know, that says, hey, you're you're you're moving on and and and out now it's happening. So yeah, I yeah, definitely that was like again, not that it happened, but maybe just the processing part afterwards and and and kind of you know, it's not that it's been bad, but it certainly has been very, very different from what life had been like for 20 years. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:00

And you know, there's a very common belief that if a transition is the right when it should feel clear and energizing that uncertainty means you are making the wrong move or that you're not ready. So from the people you have walked alongside through major life changes, what does that belief get wrong? And what does uncertainty in transition actually mean?

SPEAKER_00 4:28

Yeah. So let's talk about the belief for a moment. I do think that we have this, maybe even this desire to always like improve our lives in a certain way. If we were to use a cliche, it would be, you know, the grass is greener on the other side. That's a a saying that we would have around here. But just this idea that that the change will be, you know, beautiful or it will bring about more, you know, I don't know, tranquility, maybe might be a word we we would think about, or just maybe wealthier or something along those lines. And and sometimes I think that just stems from like we just don't like how life is for us right now. And and we just want maybe maybe it's a form of escapism that can creep into that, into that idea, that idea that if we can just change, then it will all be better. But the uncertainty, you know, certainly is is is there. And even when people are moving into something that they like they've landed on a decision, they're changing a career, they're going from, you know, this thing to the next thing, and they they know what that looks like. They have a job lined up, or they're moving from one city to the next. There are still all of these different aspects of daily life that are just they're going to be shifted around. And and I think uh especially in in, you know, we live here in the Pacific Northwest portion of the United States. Life is pretty fast-paced. And there's maybe a forgetfulness that that in the in the midst of all of that shifting around, even when it's positive, even when it's good, that there are all of these dynamics that are swirling about us. And and so that change can be disconcerting. The rhythm of your life, the routine of it, the the things that happen on the day-to-day, you know, move around. And and it's okay. I don't mean to ramble here, but like it's okay that when we move into that, into that new season, that we don't have everything sorted. We haven't solved all of those problems. And we do have new challenges, ones that we would never have imagined, that come into that space. And I I just I think that's that's just reality, and we just forget that sometimes. You know, we we just we want the good life, and and then when we get there, we're not always sure that it's as good as we thought it would be.

SPEAKER_02 7:03

Yeah. You know what I hear in that is something really important. That clarity does not always come before the step. Sometimes it only arrives arrives once you have taken that step. And that requires a lot of trust in yourself and in the process that nobody really teaches us how to build.

SPEAKER_00 7:28

Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's right. You know, there's a way of thinking about that that's been helpful to me. And it's this idea that that you're trying to cross a bridge. You know, the the bridge represents the the change or the pivot. But the it's it's foggy, it's misty. You can't actually the bridge is long, it's longer than you thought it was gonna be to begin with, but the bridge is long and it's it's very foggy, it's dense, and you actually can't see the other side. So what what you do is is you take the next step. You can see, you know, maybe eight, eight, nine, ten steps ahead of you, and and that's about it. And you just kind of trust that the bridge, A, is gonna hold you, and then B, it's gonna get you to the other side, but your job is just to take that next step. And so you're you're uncertain about destination, it's not a clear picture, but but you're in motion.

SPEAKER_02 8:29

And career transitions carry a particular weight because so much of how we understand ourselves is wrapped up in what we do. When someone loses a job, changes direction, or steps away from a role they have held for a long time. They they are not just changing their schedule, they are confronting a question about identity. So, how do you help separate who they are from what they do?

SPEAKER_00 9:00

Yeah, that's a that's a great question. I have a a good friend who I consider to be a mentor in my life. And when I completed my time as a pastor at the church, uh he said, I I want you to spend the next couple of months, and he phrased it like that I want you to spend those these next months learning who you are without the job. And I was like, Yeah, that that makes some sense. But sometimes you don't even know the parts of you that are wrapped up in your work until you leave it behind. And you, you know, everybody's experience is is different, and even different pastors have different experiences, but there are aspects of what I did that had people view me in a certain way. You know, like there's a there's an inherent like trust, there's a certain aspect of of respect and connection. There's, you know, people, it was pretty normal in any given week to have you know people come in and ask for prayer or for some kind of guidance or you know, something they were working through. And there are certain aspects of that that still happen just because of friendships and relationships, but it's it's different now. And, you know, I I've I'm learning because I'm still I'm still in process. I don't want it to make it, or I don't want it to sound like I've solved the whole thing. I'm I'm in the midst of this. But like realizing that, you know, I left behind like jobs. So that was, you know, there was security of of income and there was a sense of community that the you know, hopefully, you know, a lot of people feel that on some level in their workplace, that they that they like the people they work with. If they have that, that's that's a blessing. That's a that's a good thing. But for us, even you know, that extended even a little bit deeper, that that these were our people. And some of them still are our people, you know what I mean. We did form some some friendships that will, I believe, last, you know, beyond beyond this season. But yeah, just beginning to unravel all of that, excuse me, to unpack all of that, it, it takes, it takes some time. And, you know, I've I've even debated about like, you know, how do I talk about myself? Like the work I'm doing now is a spiritual work. And to use the term pastor isn't out of line, but I'm not in that context right now. So how do I introduce myself? Hi, I'm Tim. Or or or am I Pastor Tim? You know, so like even things like that, just yeah, the the stuff, the stuff that pops up along the way definitely is part of sort of peeling that out a little bit and then discovering a bit more about like, okay, well, who am I beyond this? And I'm still husband, I'm still dad. Now I get to be grandpa, you know, I get to be a papa, we have a grandson, which is amazing. So there are these other different aspects of life that are that are some of them are still there and some of them are new, and those things do kind of help a little bit. But just yeah, leaning, leaning into that personal identity. Who who am I apart from, you know, apart from that? And honestly, it's been a really good, healthy experience so far.

SPEAKER_02 12:32

Wow. And you know, that distinction between identity and role is one of the things that sounds straightforward until you're actually living through it. Because the role doesn't just affect your schedule, it affects how other people see you, how you introduce yourself and the quiet story you have been telling yourself about your own value.

SPEAKER_00 12:55

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, that's that's that's quite true. Yeah, definitely, you know, I journal now more than I used to. Uh just taking time to to write some of that stuff out because it isn't yeah, it isn't what it used to be. And and so I think that is also part of that that reflective aspect of you know, kind of kind of working it out. There's that balance maybe of like just personal time, of working everything, you know, together and then also being in in conversation with others, having friends really really helps as well.

(Cont.) How To Navigate Career And Life Transitions, with Timothy Stobbe

SPEAKER_02 13:43

But there's a side of there's a side of loss or you know, identity loss as well that connects with people. For example, loss of relationship, breakup, death of parents, or somebody very close to. So how should a person or how can a person navigate through that as what yeah, loss, loss, it just it just is difficult.

SPEAKER_00 14:11

Some of it, I I just want to say, is like it's it's okay to feel it. You know, no knowing that you're you're feeling it, it's just a sign that those people mattered. And and however you however you lost them. I you know, I lost my my cousin a few years ago. He's who's just a year younger than me, and and he passed away from cancer. You know, that that really that shook me. I mean, because it's not like we were particularly, you know, like super close, but we were definitely like we had a a a good friendship. And and when he when he was gone, I was like, oh man, it just it I still you know kind of work through that from time to time and and and it sneaks up on you. But just knowing that the the the pain of that that we feel, the the emptiness that we might feel, uh that's a sign of like being alive and being human.

SPEAKER_01 15:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:07

And so I I would say like just accepting that is a huge portion of that. Sorry about that. Accepting that is a huge portion of it. And then but then also taking time to to acknowledge the the pieces and the people that are present in life. You know, when you when we lose, you know, that job or when we lose people that matter to us, whether that was through death or through, you know, a loss of of friendship for like something just didn't work out, to recognize that there are others who who do want to be a part of life. And and yeah, it's it's you know, to be there there's that sense of gratitude, maybe to go like, you know what, I have lost, but also these other people and these other aspects have been brought into my life, and and those are good things.

SPEAKER_02 16:04

Yes. You bring a pastoral perspective to this conversation, which means you're taught deeply about meaning, purpose, and what gives people the inner resources to keep going. You know, when a season is generally hard. So what does faith in the broadest sense of the word offer someone in the middle of a difficult transition?

SPEAKER_00 16:34

Yeah, you know, and I'll just speak from my own experience. For me, faith in Jesus is is everything. And it's it's the thing that has, you know, led it, it led me, my faith led me to the transition itself. Like that was a really interior decision. It wasn't like things were going fine at the church that I was serving at, and there wasn't any sense of like failure or any of those sorts of things. It really was just like in, you know, through prayer, through you know, seeking out the scriptures, conversations with other people, I was like, no, it's just it's just time. And and so that has that has helped me in that in that transition because I see it as just simply being faithful to what God is asking of me. And you know, faith, I think it really is something that uh can be a stabilizing force in our lives. I I describe this experience to this point as being uncertain, but but peace-filled. And it feels uncertain because I still don't know how all of this is gonna turn out exactly, but the the peace part is is built off of a lifetime of experiencing God's presence in my life, of of seeing him provide, sometimes in big ways and other times in smaller ways. And and so there's there is that sense of it's okay. There's it like my soul is at rest. And maybe that's the best way to say it. My soul is at rest. And even as I keep myself busy, even as I lean into creativities and all these different things are going on, you know, externally, change, uh, all of that's happening, but but the faith keeps me grounded and and just allows me to not move into that super anxious space where we're like, you know, uh, yeah, I'd I I haven't had to be overcome with with with anxiety, I would say, in in a large part because of having that faith in in Jesus.

SPEAKER_02 18:54

Yeah, you know, they they're just saying that, you know, it is the calmness inside the storm. So that kind of situation, even if the life is not going according to you, even if there's so much movement, so many hassle, but your heart is at peace, and I can feel that as well.

SPEAKER_00 19:15

Yeah. Yeah, and it's a that's a great, it's a great way to live. I'll I'll say it that way. Yeah, no, it's good. And and then I I I won't like I'll also just say this that that while it's not about faith necessarily, like having having good people, like know who your people are. You know, my wife and I are coming up on on 30 years together, that'll be this fall. And yeah, we have our moments where where maybe we're not always, you know, clicking or or you know, a little ups and downs, just like any marriage does, but she's a good woman and she is is supportive. You know, we we can talk easily about all of what's going on, and and that kind of freedom, like in those, well, in your primary relationships, like, you know, her for sure, because she's my my main person, but even like with my kids or when I talk to my my parents who are you know getting on in life, but and and a few other friends, you know, I I get to be free with these people. And and that, I mean, I have to say too, like that, that's a huge, a huge part of of that calm in the midst of the storm, like you were talking about.

SPEAKER_02 20:28

Yeah. Tim, for people who want to connect with you or want to learn more from you, where can they do that?

SPEAKER_00 20:35

Absolutely. Thank you for asking that. Yeah, so the the quick answer is Meet Me in the Word. The daily devotional with a weekly rhythm is my podcast. And you can find it wherever you listen to podcasts, or you can find it on YouTube. And if you don't remember any of that, just go to meetmeintheword.com. It's a pretty basic website, but it does kind of explain the work that I'm doing. It's a daily, you know, daily episodes are kind of 12 to 15 minutes, and they're just a great way to connect with God and and just feel like, you know, those those quiet times, you know, sometimes when we attempt to do them on our own, we can I call it monkey brain. Our brain's gonna bounce all over the place sometimes. Sometimes just having that voice there alongside you can can be a helpful, a helpful guide. So yeah, meet me in the word, the daily devotional with a weekly rhythm. That's that's how you find me. And and just kind of wherever wherever you find podcasts, you can find me.

SPEAKER_02 21:36

Perfect. And don't worry, Tim, all these links for our listeners will be in the show notes. Yeah, they can just go through the show notes and check those out.

SPEAKER_00 21:46

Awesome.

SPEAKER_02 21:47

Tim, is there any last message that you want to leave us with?

SPEAKER_00 21:52

Yeah, you know, I would say, especially as it pertains to transition, there are a few things that I uh yeah, I'll be I'll be Succinct. The first one is be kind to yourself. If you don't have all the answers, that's really okay. In fact, even as it pertains to faith, you know, doubt is a great companion to faith. It compels us to search deeper. It compels us to seek out sometimes it's answers, sometimes it's just more questions. But yeah, be be kind and patient to yourself. And if you don't like solve it in a day or a month or even a year, it's it's okay. You're in process. And so that process itself can be its own blessing. Yeah. So be kind and patient. And then I would I would also just say find find good people. No, know who your people are. You know, a friend who is honest and kind is is worth so much. So don't despise that. If you have good people, thank God for them and and make sure that they know that you appreciate them because they're invaluable, especially when you're sorting out your own thoughts and feelings.

SPEAKER_02 23:09

Thank you, Dimati. This conversation was a reminder that the hardest seasons of change are rarely wasted, even when they feel that way. You know, that disorientation, the grief, the uncertainty, all of it is a part of something larger that we can't always see from where we are standing.

SPEAKER_01 23:36

Thank you for having me, Yusuf.

SPEAKER_00 23:39

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 23:40

And to everyone listening, if today's episode spokes to something you're living through right now, please let it. Don't scroll past that feeling. And if you know someone navigating a difficult transition in silence, share this episode with them. Sometimes hearing that someone else understands is the first step back to solid ground. We'll be back soon with more on Healthy Mind and Life. Until then, be patient with yourself. The other side is coming.