Unnamed Tiredness Beneath Normal Life

There is a kind of tire that does not show up on a calendar. The sleep is fine, the schedule is normal, but somewhere underneath the inner life has gone quiet. The prayers feel further away. The familiar comforts feel less comforting, and the strangest part is you quite you can't quite tell anyone what is wrong. Because nothing on the outside is wrong. You are just carrying something more than you knew for longer than you realized.

Show Welcome And Guest Introduction

Welcome back to Healthy Mind, Healthy Life, the show where we have honest, grounded conversations about the inner work of being wealth in real life. I am Yusuf, and today I'm in conversation with Laura Sharpwitz. Laura is a licensed minister whose work lives in the quiet of an unseen seasons of life. The times when people are caring more than they know how to hold. And even simple things feel heavy. And when fate feels more like something they are trying to grip and something holding them. Her own life has walked through those seasons, and that experience now shapes everything about how she listens and how she shows up. So today we're talking about what it looks like to care for the inner life when you are emotionally and spiritually tired. With that, I welcome my guest Laura to the show. Thank you, Yusuf, for having me. Absolutely.

Laura’s Cancer Season And Surrender

So be before we get into the deeper themes, I love to start somewhere, Pursuit. When you look back at one of those seasons in your life, the kind where you were physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted. Is there a small moment from that time that that stayed with you? That quietly taught you something. One moment in particular was when I was dealing with a cancer episode and I was exhausted mentally, physically, spiritually, and had been used to doing everything. I did more than I should. I always wanted to be a go-getter. And during this season of cancer, I wasn't able to do much. It kind of has a way of slowing you down and halting you. And it it was an internal struggle for a little while, realizing I wasn't going to be at that function. I wasn't going to be able to help out that person who needed me. And I had to come to grips with that. And I spent a lot of time in prayer and sitting with God saying, help. How do I go from doing all of this to nothing but letting my body heal? And it was a struggle. Okay.

Quiet Seasons Without Shame

And there's a misconception about spiritual or emotional exhaustion that it must mean something has gone wrong. That you have drifted, that your faith has weakened, that that you are failing somehow. From your work and your own experience, what's the biggest misunderstanding people carry about these quieter, harder seasons? Those quieter seasons don't necessarily mean something went wrong or that you did something wrong. It could mean that a situation happened to you. And in my case, I had a diagnosis, but that wasn't something I asked for or expected, but yet I ended up with it anyway. I think the challenge is how we move on from our situation, how we embrace it and and move forward rather than the typical shame that we put ourselves under. Oh, we we're dealing with this. We it must be our fault. We must have done something. There must be a reason that we're being punished. And I don't know that that's always the case when we we sit down and look at it, but I think that's how our culture has us set up that if something happens, it's because we we caused it. And when someone first hears your reframe of those seasons, what tends to soften in them? I usually notice their shoulders soften first. And they usually go from looking down, maybe at the floor or in their lap, and actually their gaze comes up and meets me. And they usually have a a look of like a glimmer of hope, like, really? Are you are you are you saying that that I can move on from this? And the answer is yes, you you can. That does amazing things for somebody. It just completely resets their body. No, that distinction matters so much. We have been thought that the quiet seasons mean we have fallen behind. But you are describing something completely different. The quiet is not a sign of distance. Sometimes it is a sign that we have finally stopped performing.

Why Quiet Helps You Grow

I think seasons of quiet can be reflected in two ways. If you are a farmer and you plant a seed, you don't see what's going on under the ground as the seed itself takes in the nourishment from the soil and the water and starts to grow and form roots. We only see it when it breaks the surface. Or if you're a baker and you've mixed up a bread dough, you don't see or notice as it's sitting on the counter starting the rising process. Instead, you come back as a farmer, you know, 30, 90 days later, and you see that plant growing. Or if you're a baker, you come back in a couple hours and you'll notice that that dough has risen. The quiet places allow us to pause, allow us to replenish, and allow us to take inventory before we move forward. It gives us like permission to slow down, which is, you know, in our world, waiting on microwave popcorn is hard. And that's only two and a half minutes. We're so used to TV shows that finish in 30 minutes that we we expect everything to have a neat little package and bow on it in 30 minutes. And in reality, life doesn't happen that fast. And if it is, you're gonna definitely end up burnt out. But give yourself the time in those quiet places to identify what's going on, you know, instead of saying, you know, I'm tired, you know, what would that feel like? It would be, I don't really feel like myself anymore. Or, you know, I'm just fine, I'm busy. Well, I don't even know where to start. And to give yourself permission to work through those various thoughts and and not blame, not shame, not necessarily to take ownership, but what are you really feeling? What what does tired mean? Does tired mean you're carrying too much baggage? Does tired mean you're burnout and you you need time off? Does I'm tired mean your brain is so full you need to to empty it into a journal?

One Tiny Step And Journaling

And I want to bring this into you know your framework. Like uh you don't approach this with formulas or fix it with frameworks like people generally try to. You create space, which is a much rarer offering than people realize. So for someone listening right now who feels too tired even to start a practice, what is the gentlest, most real first step you'd offer them this week? I I chuckled to myself when you said, What's your framework? Because I purposely don't have a framework because I don't think a framework fits everybody. Um, but as you went on with your question, I'm like, okay, he gets it. So why I don't necessarily have a framework is because I don't think they fit everyone. I don't know that everyone's gonna perform at that standard. But one thing they could do, a tiny shift. What is one small doable step that they could take to create space for healing? For example, they could say, I could try that today. Maybe it's turning off the TV or it's not having as much screen time. Maybe it's getting a journal and and writing some feelings down. Maybe it's giving yourself permission to slow down. It doesn't have to be a huge step and you don't have to take it all at once, but just take one tiny little step. I mean, your situation didn't happen overnight, and healing from it is not gonna happen overnight. It's one step at a time. Yeah, and that is so true. People want, you know, quick transformation, quick transformation hacks, something like that. And if they don't see immediate results, they either just stop doing it or you know, do it half-heartedly, which is again something that we don't want them, or they themselves don't want to do it. Yeah. Typically I find out that they they don't they want the quick fix, they want the pill, the magic wand, the the magic button, whatever it is they want it, and they want it now. And if they don't get it, then they they're just like, well, I give up. Then the sad thing is that will continue to grow like a a boulder rolling downhill is going to collect trees and trash and debris as it rolls down the hill. Those emotions that they're not dealing with are going to continue to collect stuff in their life and it's gonna become bigger and bigger and bigger in them. So they may think, oh, well, I'm just not gonna do this. It's okay. But in reality, it's really not okay because then you're allowing yourself to continue, you're gonna get more emotions, more stuff trapped, more baggage. You're gonna go from, you know, a small backpack size to maybe now you need like a luxury liner to carry it all. You you've just got so much stuff. You you can't just go somewhere for the moment. You have to take, you know, like think of like a new parent. They take the stroller and the diaper bag and how many changes of diapers and the formula and the clothes. I mean, they can't just go anywhere quickly. They now have to change their whole routine, usually getting a bigger car. You know, thankfully for us, we don't have to get a bigger car with all the emotional baggage, but that emotional baggage takes up space that a friend, a family member, or someone special could hold.

(Cont.) One Tiny Step And Journaling

That is such a tender truth. The slowing down, you know, it's not a side note, it is the whole practice. And most people are trying to think their back their way back to peace. So what you're describing is letting yourself be still long enough to find back. Well, if you're not willing to set for a little bit, then you're you're likely not to find the cause of what's going on, the root, right? So, you know, if if you have a headache, you could easily go take, you know, an aspirin, but that doesn't mean the headache's gonna go away. The headache could be caused by stress, and the stress could cause anxiety, and the anxiety could cause tummy issues, and and it just you know it keeps on growing. But if you spend time, and I I always encourage people, even people who who argue with me, a journal, a physical paper journal with your favorite writing instrument, whether it be pen, pencil, colored markers, whatever, you write and that action of the movement of the idea coming from the brain, down the arm, into the hand, and writing is a connection in your body that most people aren't gonna get. They're like, Oh, I'm just gonna take notes on my phone. That's not gonna work. It's that writing it down. And sometimes I tell them just open a page and whatever's in your mind, there's no order, it doesn't have to be in a list. You can put it sporadically on the page, almost like just taking a ball and throwing it at the wall. Wherever it lands is fine. Just get everything in your head out so you can slow the clutter down. And once you've got it all out, you can step back and say, holy cow, I was carrying a lot of junk. And then from there, you can say, okay, let's pick one thing to work on. Doesn't have to be everything, but one. And once you realize what you're dealing with, your your load, it may still be a lot of stuff, but it doesn't look as daunting as thinking, oh my gosh, my head's overwhelmed and all this stuff I'm carrying with me, and it's gotta be a lot to work on. It doesn't have to be. And sometimes just working on one little tiny thing brings so much relief that you're excited about working on the next thing so that you can have that much more relief.

Reconnect When Faith Feels Far

But Lara Fit, however we define it, is not always loud. You know, there will be seasons where it feels far away, where the spiritual practices feel hollow, where the comfort does not come the way it used to. So when someone hits that moment of I thought I was past this, what would you want them to know so they don't lose hope in the journey itself? If you don't feel like you're past it, you're not. And you know, if you if you don't feel close to God or or whoever you believe in, it it's usually because you sidestepped, because you actually walked away, because you felt uncomfortable in the situation. It may be that you felt blame or shame or that you screwed up, or if you're a Christian, that you sinned and that God's not gonna love you anymore. But that is so far from the truth. You need to step closer and get back into your practice. If that means meditation, if that means praying, going to your worship center, whatever you need to do, but get back to that so that you can rebuild that relationship, and then things won't feel so far away because it you you know you won't be alone when you reconnect that. And looking back at your own life, was there a setback or quiet season that turned out to be one of your biggest teachers? Yes, there was a season where I was doing a slightly different job and it didn't turn out quite right. Someone was jealous and decided that instead of supporting what I was doing, it would be way easier to sabotage me. And so when that situation ended, it it felt so toxic and so horrible. And I just kept thinking, Lord, why did I go through that horrible situation? And out of that, he said, I want you to rest. You've been doing too much. And I'm thinking, I need to rest. I have bills to pay, I, you know, the all these things that go through our head. Yeah, I can't just rest for a couple months. And he said, No, I want you to rest. Well, my self-care is baking, cookies, bread, all kinds of things. And so that's I I got my nickname because when I was pastoring, I would take goodies to some of the older church members for visits. And so he said, I want you to bake. And I thought, okay, I can bake. And then shortly thereafter, he said, I know you're a pastoral counselor. I want you to take it from this approach where you take your time, you allow yourself time to heal. You know it's not instantaneously. And what I want you to do is create spaces that you can have like sacred pauses and you can step out of the noise and reconnect with with God or or whichever belief you were into. And I think when people realize that, it makes such a big difference. For me, it did. I realized that he wasn't shutting a door, he was using that horrible situation to propel me and propel me forward into where I am now with with my own podcast, with a book in a journal published, and another book coming out later this year. Things I didn't think were possible, he made possible.

Grief Includes Lost Dreams

You know, that those quiet seasons are are not proof of distance. They're often where the deepest part of us is finally being met. Not by the version of faith we performed, but by one that is waiting for us underneath all along. Yeah. Sometimes just even taking a breath is hard. Sometimes owning what's going on is is really hard. Or for some people, you know, naming that unseen or unspoken, that that emotional heavy situation that's going on. Because when people realize and can actually vocalize what's going on, they usually think finally someone gets it. And and someone usually does get it because you're finally able to verbalize it. And it's just so so helpful because if you don't take that time, you know, grief, burnout, all of that is so hard. And people don't really think much about grief. They think grief, oh, someone died. No, grief is like 40 plus things. Grief could be any change could be something you need to grieve. That change could be ending a friendship, it could be ending a sexual relationship, it could be changing jobs, moving, anything that changes from where you are, like a little kid going from one school to another school, losing a pet. But any change, even like the change in your routine, if you change jobs, you're gonna have a routine change. And so when you don't realize the underlying is your grieving, I had someone a couple of weeks ago who finally realized in the quiet journaling time, she was grieving the loss of a dream. She had always thought she would end up in a different job, in a different place and location, and would be doing something different. And instead, her life took a different turn. And she never took the time to realize that she was grieving that situation. And when she did, it was like the biggest aha moment ever. She she messaged me immediately and said, um, I use a Voxer app and she messaged me and and I get this like nine-minute voice message. It's like, I did it, I did it, I can't believe it. I finally figured out what's wrong. And I'm thinking, okay, cool, what? She said, I I'm I realized I I didn't get to be what I always thought I was gonna be. And I said, Well, are you okay with that? She said, I wasn't, but I've thought about it. And I look, if I hadn't gone where I am now, I wouldn't have my my spouse and my child and my friends. I would be in another part of the country with a different job and and probably not the things I have now. And so she gave herself permission to sit with that and to reflect and to encourage herself, you know, you wouldn't have this, you wouldn't have this. And that tiny shift was was just so so helpful for her. It reminded her that, you know, she still has her strength and her dreams and what's still possible, even though that original dream didn't happen. It kind of morphed. And so I think a lot of people don't take the time to realize, you know, life didn't go the way I thought. You know, I didn't just get a raw deal. Maybe, maybe I need to look at it in a different way and find a blessing. I mean, I look back at my cancer diagnosis now and I can tell you it's a blessing. And people look at me really strangely and they're like, You're kidding. No. Absolutely. The people I met and the lives I got to touch during that season were such a blessing to me. Wow.

Resources Free Journal And Support

Lara, for people who want to connect with you or want to learn from you, where can they do that? They can go to my website, which is bakingpastor.com. And I have actually for your listeners, uh, one of the books I mentioned I wrote was called a soul pause journal. And it gives you a place to slow down and reflect and and just sit as you're going through your your day. What I've created for your listeners is a special edition of that. And there's I hope you'll list that link in your show notes so they can go get it. It's there's no email needed, it's just a link. To everyone listening, all these links are in the show notes, so just go and check those out. Is there any last message that you want to leave us with? Yeah. If if you're struggling, no, you don't have to struggle alone. You can reach out. I highly encourage you to find to find your own circle of folks who can support you. If that doesn't end up being anybody close, you know, we have technology that can help you connect with people. I'm sure Yusuf would love to hear from you as well, but you're there's a contact form on my website. Please reach out. If you don't have anybody else to guide you, to pray for you, to encourage you, please message me. I don't want you to be all alone and feel unseen and unheard. Perfect. And to everyone listening, all these links are in the show notes, so just go and check those out. Laura, thank you so much for coming. And you know, it was such a gentle grounding conversation for me. Yes, so thank you so much for allowing me to be here. It's been a pleasure to get to know you better and I hope we continue that relationship. Yes, of course.

Final Thoughts On Honest Quiet

And to everyone listening. If your inner life has been quiet lately, that does not mean you have drifted. It might mean you have finally stopped pretending. And what gets to happen next, in that honesty, in that quiet, is often where the real reconnection begins. Thank you all for being here. I'll see you in the next conversation.