Success Without A Finish Line

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Most of us were taught that success is something that you arrive at. That one day, if you work hard enough and long enough, you will finally get there. And then life, it would be fine, would really begin. But what if that's exactly backwards? Yes. What if the people who actually feel successful aren't waiting for the destination? And what if I tell you they actually figure out how to build a life that already feels like it's working? One small win every day, one clear decision every day, and one honest morning at a time. Welcome back to another episode of Healthy Mind Handy Life where we have honest and practical conversations like these. My name is Cyan today, as some of you would know, and my guest today is Teddy Weaver. So today I invite you all to join me on this conversation where we would be exploring something that sits at this intersection of mental wellness and everyday living. That's the psychology of success. So today, I think it's a pleasure to have you here with me, and I want to welcome you to this uh network of Helly Mind, Helly Life.

SPEAKER_00 1:09

Thank you. I founded an institute called Vell Institute. I later produced a movie and directed that movie. So those are some of the creative things that I've done with my life, but the intro was pretty spot on.

SPEAKER_01 1:24

Thanks, Tari. Really appreciate it. And a quick disclaimer for the listeners: some statements may reflect personal belief and experiences and are presented as individual views and not medical advice. Listen, they should consult qualified professionals for medical conditions. So, Tari, thank you so much for the acknowledgement of the intro. I think uh it's gonna be a very I mean it's it's a conversation, it's a topic that I think if we are able to inculcate these habits in our everyday lives, I think it can just make a huge difference on how we approach life and how we approach, I mean, you know, growth in our

When Old Measures Stop Working

SPEAKER_01 1:56

lives in general. So I want to, before we get into the ideas or frameworks, I want to start with something personal, right? Uh, since you have spent more than two decades on stages and in rooms helping people get unstuck and you know, move towards that, move towards the life that they were meant for. I imagine, however, there was a version of Terry who needed that too at some point. So, what was the moment in your life when you realized that the way that you were measuring success wasn't actually really working out for you and you know you had to change your vantage point?

Why Comparison Steals Joy

SPEAKER_00 2:31

Well, I think a lot of us get wrapped up with comparison. That's a common human psychological pitfall. And I think Theodore Roosevelt put it the best. He says that comparison's the thief of joy. And so when you when you take yourself a unique person completely different than anyone on the planet, and you begin to compare yourself to someone else who's completely different, then you kind of set yourself up for a failure. And so once I realize that, I could stop comparing and then start designing my life. And really, everybody gets the opportunity to design their own life. It starts in the mind, you follow that up with actions.

SPEAKER_01 3:14

Yeah, absolutely. I think that's uh I mean a beautiful way to really uh put things into perspective, you know, in the first question itself. And I think there's also this version of the success conversation that I think most of us have heard so many times. And I mean, in different ways that it it has really lost its impact somewhere, right? I mean, have these big goals really, you know, I mean, goals above your capacity just to, you know, make you push a little, you know, make you want to believe that you could hustle harder to reach there, maybe a five-year plan. And yet so many people who follow all of that advice still, you know, end up not reaching there and then maybe, you know, circle circle back to themselves and find so it's it's all like a psychological thing, indeed, like you mentioned. So I'm curious, what do you think is the most common misconception that people really carry about what success actually feels like from the inside?

SPEAKER_00 4:08

I don't know. I think a lot of that again comes from comparison. If I see, you know, I've acted before, but if I start to compare myself to a superstar, say Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt, that's that's automatically setting myself up for failure by comparison, because these guys have made it to the top level of their craft. And that that came from probably a combination of a lot of hard work and dedication and singleness of focus and also some luck and timing. So again, back to that that comparing yourself, you we're not machines, so if we get into this mindset of just pushing ourselves and working ourselves to death, we will break at some point.

SPEAKER_01 4:53

Yeah, I mean, that's so true. I what you what you're describing is I think that you know, quiet sense of uh I would say grief in a way that doesn't really have a name, but I think it all comes from you know when you're comparing someone, I mean yourself to someone who has made it to the top, and it does not I mean when you look at it the I mean when you zoom out and look at it the way it is, you realize, I mean, the factors that you mentioned, obviously luck is all also maybe a minor part of that.

Daily Wins And Morning Foundations

SPEAKER_01 5:27

But uh Teddy, I'm I'm curious as to you talk about daily wins here as a real psychological tool. Now, what do you really mean by daily wins? Is it micro-level term that we are using really to break down the you know five-year plan maybe into chunks that make you feel good? Because one way that I can think of it is, you know, what's the first thing that and I've read about it, you know, I've read so many books, and the authors tend to say something very similar in all the books that I've read. Uh, you know, what's the first thing that you should probably do in the morning, if I ask you, you know, which would set up you to have a productive day. What would be your answer?

SPEAKER_00 6:08

Yeah, so let me let me address both of those ideas. The way that I build my day is just like somebody would go out and build a house. They begin with a foundation. So I put the most important things first. For me, that is I begin with coffee and my spiritual practice. So working on my spiritual practice for me, that's reading scripture. And then I go into creative time and I and I and I put the majority of my thinking power and my creative output into the time of the day when I'm when my brain's most active and I'm most alert and I'm most receptive and I have the least distractions. And then from there I can move on to things that aren't so important. But the the idea around small wins, I I think that is best thought of in daytight compartments. I learned this in Alcoholics Anonymous, and people think, oh man, a room full of drunks, but there are some brilliant people in these meetings for alcoholics. And and they talked about not time traveling. So you think about these movies that include time traveling, and they they put it this way don't travel to the past because you can't go back there and change anything. And don't travel to the future because that's all unknown. It's all unknown and it's not guaranteed. So if you can live in these day type compartments where you're just focused on today, you'll get rid of a lot of fear and regret. Because when we travel to the past, we're usually regretting something that we could have done differently. And when we travel to the future, we're typically fearing something that might happen, that might go wrong.

SPEAKER_01 7:50

Yeah, but I think, you know, the way how I approach it is I think a lot of people look at it the way you said, you know, maybe if I would have done something else in the past, I know I would be in a better place. But how the way I approach it, Terry, is uh, you know, the converse of it, right? What if I have done something else and I was or I were in a terrible spot than I am right now? So there's this you know feeling of really being grateful for wherever you are. And I think that is something that is so I mean, that's such a profound realization, and yet nobody really talks about this feeling. And and you talked about a little bit of the creative space as well. Now, I I really want to understand how does that help as maybe from a psychological vantage point to really help you achieve those daily wins or the small wins that you're talking about?

Creativity As Fulfillment And Freedom

SPEAKER_00 8:42

Well, think about it this way. We go to school for however many years. We go to a grade school, middle school, high school, and then we might go to university or college, depending on where you're at. And we spend up to 16 or 20 or sometimes 24 years being trained to do things, to be fit into a society that says these are good jobs or these are bad jobs, or these are great professions, or these are not so great professions. We we're essentially molding ourselves into an idea. What about the opposite of that? What if you built yourself for 10, 20, 25 years into what you believe is the ideal person you want to be? A lot of people figure this out late in life. Luckily, I figured it out at about 39 years old, and I started to kind of rebuild myself. For the people that are younger, you can start this at any point in time. But autonomy and freedom and creativity are huge factors in our fulfillment. So you get to build whatever you want with your life, and being creative, you can actually bring an idea to life, and that is very gratifying. I recently produced a movie, I got to direct, write, and act in it, and now I get to watch it on a big screen, and millions of people all over the world are watching it, and that is very gratifying because that started as an idea, a seed in my mind, and now it's in the world and it's entertaining people and it's providing people enjoyment, escape. That's very valuable and it's very fulfilling for me.

SPEAKER_01 10:24

Yeah, I think that that really, you know, reframes how I see perhaps creativity as a psychological tool. And by the way, I'm a music producer as well. And I think I I totally resonate to what you said, right? And I think it really helps you, you know, just reset whatever emotions or whatever I mean, not just emotions, but whatever phase of life, I mean, that you're going

Living Inside Out Through Purpose

SPEAKER_01 10:52

through. I mean, you you use the phrase living inside out very frequently in your work, and I want to really sit with that for a moment because I think most people that are living are living the exact opposite way. I think they let uh you know circumstances come in, and like you said, you know, uh they are being molded into this uh these circumstances that are set by the society, the societal standard. And I think that's exactly where uh Terry today's conversation or I would say the big chunk of today's conversation really sits, right? Uh so I just want to ask you, what does really living inside out actually look like in the texture of an ordinary day? And uh if you could uh perhaps add you know those creative tools that you think somebody should or I mean set it as a benchmark and then maybe they could go about that in the in the day.

SPEAKER_00 11:39

What's let me share let me share a quote with you and I I'll have to paraphrase. But there's a there's a there's a book that's there's a book that I read a while back, and there's a quote that just it just made so much sense and it and it goes like this it says, don't ask what the world needs of you. Ask what brings you to live, brings you alive. So ask yourself what brings you alive and go out and do that because the world needs people who are alive. Yeah. So what what what brings you alive? Obviously, probably music production for you that brings you alive. You can tell when you're producing music, you're coming alive, it it feeds your soul. So everybody can ask themselves this question what brings me alive? And just imagine our world being full of people who were alive versus people who were scared or angry or stuck in a mousetrap that they feel like they shouldn't be in, or a job they shouldn't be in, or a comparison. You know, do things that bring you alive. And if you can't do them full time, do them part-time and start planning your escape. You can plan your escape from the machine that you're living in. It takes concerted effort over a long time to sometimes get out, but you can do it. It's never too late to start.

SPEAKER_01 12:57

Yeah, I think that's really motivating, Teddy. And I think most of us, you know, who are listening to this would rather have this doubt, you know, this fear, this, you know, sense of rejection that what if they're not able to make this while, you know, following whatever is that makes them alive.

Dread As A Signal To Redesign

SPEAKER_01 13:13

So what would you really want them to hear right now?

SPEAKER_00 13:18

Well, uh if you're uh going to bed and you're sad when you go to bed. And if you're waking up in the morning and you are you're immediately experiencing dread, there's something going on inside. Okay. It's an inside out job because you get to design your life. You gotta figure out what is killing your soul, and you gotta make a change there. And like I said, sometimes this is this is a fix that is a it's a 10-year fix because sometimes we get stuck in the rat race and we get stuck in a job that's killing our soul. I was just meeting with a great friend this morning, and this guy just he he came to me this morning and he and he just looked like he'd been in a in a dog fight because he has to go to work after our meeting. And I feel for this guy because he's not doing what brings him alive. So figure that out. This is this it's not it's not a great way to live going to sleep depressed and waking up in dread. It's not a great way to live. And people can take control and they can start to design their own life. And I do think it starts with figuring out what brings you to life and practicing that. It's different for everybody. Some people love playing sports, some people love producing music. I love to write. I'm a writer. I started off in novels, I moved on to TV scripts, and then I moved on to movie scripts. I love building worlds and characters that can entertain people. That's what brings me alive. So I'm gonna do everything that I can to continue to do that so I can be the most beneficial Terry Weaver for the world. Does all that make sense?

SPEAKER_01 14:54

Yeah, that does. I think there's something really grounding, you know, in having that anchor really. And Terry, before we just close this, I I want to ask you about this creativity part a bit more and somewhat around talent as well, really.

Building Creativity With Work Ethic

SPEAKER_01 15:11

But uh we'll see where this goes. So I want to ask you how does this creativity factor into this? Because I think I've noticed that for a lot of people, creativity feels like a luxury in the sense that, you know, it is a gifted luxury, right? But it sounds like you see it it is as something as closer to a necessity for a healthy and purposeful life. So is there a way that you could actually foster creativity in the long run?

SPEAKER_00 15:41

Absolutely. And everybody should have that in the back of their mind. You know, creativity looks different for everyone. Like we just talked about. I'm a writer, you're a movie producer. Some people just love to color, some people love to do puzzles. My wife loves to do puzzles. It's a creative outlet for her, it kind of helps her relax and unwind. If you listen to some of the greatest performers in the world, if you listen to Tiger Woods, if you listen to Will Smith, these guys all preach the idea that they're the hardest workers in the room. They weren't born born with this genius. Now, I do believe there are genius out there, like a Beethoven or something like that. These guys, they they figured their craft out at five or six years old. That's not most people, though. A lot of people that we look up to who are the best in the world just have an incredible work ethic and they'd figured out a way to focus on what brings them alive, their passion and their craft, and they stick to that. And it looks from an outsider's perspective that they're an overnight success, but in fact, it's a 25-year overnight success.

SPEAKER_01 16:48

Yeah, I mean, indeed. And I mean, from you know, this standpoint that you are in a creative field yourself, there's something, uh, one more question actually I I wanted to follow up with on top of what you just

Writer’s Block Needs Discipline And Courage

SPEAKER_01 17:02

said right now. And I think this is really a common problem. And what I'm suggesting too is writer's block. So, Teddy, what would you like to say for phases when people get stuck in these writer block? I mean, you know, there there are instances where someone might feel that they are not really made for this, you know, in that and and that writer's block is really an I mean, it could be for one week, it could be for a month, I mean, you know, maybe more than a month, like for several months maybe as well. And and I I actually read a beautiful quote around that, and I'll have to fa paraphrase it as well, which said something like, you know, if you can't really come up with new art, the reason is you haven't consumed enough art. So I just wanted to have your views on on the same on the same idea. Uh, what do you think and what's what's works for you when you're in those write-up block situations?

SPEAKER_00 18:02

Well, what happens, what works for me is discipline. And so I discipline myself to get up at the same time every day and practice work on my craft, which is writing. And if I miss doing that, I'm off. So I think discipline is the answer there. I think artists who are really good at what they do have put in the time, they put in the hours. And that is a very disciplined practice because we doubt ourselves, we doubt our craft, I doubt my writing, I doubt that it's great, but I keep getting up in the morning early, and I and I'm courageous, and I go back to the drawing board and I continue to practice. So, so my answer would be have courage. There's a quote that I want to share. I love sharing this quote. I've said this more than than any other quote, and I'm a big quote guy. Uh, it comes from Anasten. She said, Life shrinks and expands in proportion to our courage. Less courage we have, our life shrinks. The more courage we have, it expands. So have the courage to get up, work on your purpose, work on your mission, pound away at your craft, and your life is going to expand.

SPEAKER_01 19:15

Beautiful. I think that one liner or two liners, perhaps, you know, I think it really sums up today's conversation. You know, I think for the listeners who are listening to this right now, who has a dream, has a mission, has a version of their life that they have been, you know, carrying within them for a long time. I think after this episode, hopefully you will have something to sit with. So, Teddy, before we wrap this up, since we're nearing the minute, Mark, would quickly love to ask you for the listeners who actually uh resonated with some or perhaps the whole of this conversation and wants to connect uh with you and your work and uh I mean how do how to get how how do they get into

Where To Find Terry And Next Steps

SPEAKER_01 19:54

your world? So where's the best place uh that you would say uh they could find you at?

SPEAKER_00 19:58

Yeah, so we I just released a movie and it's for the world. If if anybody likes military stuff or creature feature stuff or mystery, the movie's called The Beast of Trinity, Texas. And then I write and I release something weekly on Terryweaver.substack.com. Um, I also have five books that I've published, so it just depends on what you like.

SPEAKER_01 20:23

Perfect. So there's something for every kind of audience. I love it. So uh Terry, thanks, thanks for sharing uh the details. Uh folks, I'll have the details in the show notes for you all so that you could easily reach out to Terry and maybe send him a DM. And uh Terry, is there also a place apart from Substacks, like website or your socials where they could connect with you?

SPEAKER_00 20:43

Yeah, I mean Facebook, I'm I'm on their Terry Weaver. I look like an actor with my profile picture. So you'll you'll know there are other Terry Weavers out there. It's not a super common name, but I've got a headshot for my my profile picture.

SPEAKER_01 20:58

Perfect. I'll include that in the details as well. So Terry, thank you so much. I think this was something really amazing coming from, you know, somebody who has lived his dream and now is helping others achieve that. I think this is really something. I mean, there was something grounding in today's conversation, and you know, the the conversation really resonated with me as well, being an artist. So I just want to thank you so much for taking out your time and sharing this beautiful message across to our listeners and to everyone who was listening to this today.

Share The Episode And Closing

SPEAKER_01 21:28

I just want you to thank you as well for spending this time with us on Helly Maya and Helly Life because we believe that the way you think about your life and the choices you make every day are deeply connected to how well you actually feel. So if today's episode did give you something to hold on to, please to share it with someone who might need it. Leave us a review if you have a moment and maybe come back because there's always more to explore here. So this has been Syan on Healthy Mind, Healthy Life, part of the Healthy Mind Biopic Network. Take care of yourselves, and I'll see you the next one.