SPEAKER_01 0:00

We spend so much of our lives trying to be more productive, more successful, more something. And yet even when we get there something still feels off. I'm very sure many of you listeners will connect with me. And think about it. I mean, what if that restlessness that you feel it it isn't some kind of flaw to fix, but maybe it's a signal, it's a nudge that you have been living inside an identity that was never really yours. Today we are going to talk about why and more importantly, what you can actually do about it. So welcome back everyone to a healthy mind, healthy life, the show where we have honest human conversations about what it really takes to feel well from the inside out. I'm your host, Sara, and listeners, I'm really glad you are here today. So let me let me introduce my guest to all of you. So he's a life and business coach based in Lisbon who helps people realign with who they really truly are so they can build lives and work that can feel both with purpose and also genuinely, generally sustainable. So today we are going to explore something that I think I think a lot of us quietly wonder about. How do we shift our identity in a way that opens us to more inner peace, more alignment, and more joy in everyday life? So, listeners, meet my incredible guest, Jan Schottwein. Jan, welcome to the show, and it's really, really an honor to have you here.

SPEAKER_00 1:54

Thank you. Thank you for having me. I'm excited to explore those topics.

SPEAKER_01 1:59

Super, super. Jan, before we get into understanding that, you know, why it happens or how it is possible, let's let's try to understand inner peace, then alignment, joy, because I believe these are very subjective, you know, for for maybe for someone else, joy can look like, you know, they have probably maybe they're successful, they have all the comforts. For me, it can look like, you know, just a normal, minimalistic, you know, kind of way of living, simple way of living. It's different for different people. But then how would you define all these three, you know, I should say, elements or maybe aspects of living?

SPEAKER_00 2:41

Yeah, I would actually say that joy is the same for all of us because it's a feeling, it's what we experience. Now, what we believe we need in order to feel joy, that is different. Um, as is our definition of success. My my definition of success, the universal definition is success means we get what we want. And that would mean, I guess, for basically all of us, that we are happy because we all want to be happy. So if we have all the money, a successful business, maybe a big house, you wife or husband and three children, but we are not happy, then clearly we are not really successful. Because who wants all of those things without feeling happy? So there is the standard definition of success that society has, which we live in a capitalistic system, so basically it just means to earn a lot of money, more or less. That's the simple way of looking at success from the point of view of society in general. And then what that means for each person individually, of course, it is different. I believe that being happy and having joy in our lives is always included or should be always included, because otherwise we can have exactly that experience of trying to achieve a certain level of success and working a lot and maybe sacrificing certain things only to arrive there and then to notice, oh, well, I'm still not happy. So yeah, there was success, and then joy is a simple emotion, right? We can we can all access that emotion, and we access it in different environments. For someone that loves to sing, they might feel a lot of joy when they sing. For someone who loves to build businesses, they might feel a lot of joy as they are making progress in their business. But the important part here is that the joy, the same as any other emotion, is generated from the inside out. It is generated through what is happening on our mind or in our mind, in our thinking, in the moment. So even though I might think that being out in the park with my friends and playing frisbee brings me a lot of joy, it's not actually how it works. That's the big illusion that we think the external world, the external environment, who we are with, how the weather is, how much money is on our bank bank account determines if we feel joy or if we feel fear or if we feel nervousness. So we always look at the outside and make it responsible. Not on purpose, of course, because it genuinely looks like it, that the outside is causing how we're feeling. So that hopefully once the environment is changed and we have more money and we have more muscles and we are we have more friends, then we can finally feel the way we want to feel.

SPEAKER_01 7:00

I mean, yes, we need to first, I think, you know, look into that mirror within us and try to understand maybe you know the root causes in there. And and it feels like this confrontation in the beginning initially, but then and you know, we kind of expect that you know this will be like this major change and big, huge kind of instability in our lives. So probably that fear of confrontation or maybe instability, it kind of keeps us away from from looking inside within.

SPEAKER_00 7:36

Yeah, it's I mean your listeners, they are probably aware of of what we are talking about. Even the name of the podcast, right, is Healthy Mind, Healthy Life. And myself, I had this huge realization of I would say 10 years ago, and still the illusion is very strong. I still catch myself basically on a daily basis, believing that if I get all of the tasks done on my to-do list, then I will feel more satisfied or more productive. Or when I reach the next level of income, whatever that might be, then I will feel more successful and more wealthy. So it is such a strong illusion that it's really difficult to fully awaken to the reality that all of our emotions and experience of life is generated moment by moment from the inside out.

SPEAKER_01 8:40

Yeah, makes sense. Makes sense, Jan. Okay, now let's let's get to first understand um identity here because obviously that's that's the core of of the core of what we are discussing today, Jan. So let's let's start with your journey in there. Did you have any kind of specific moment or maybe you know the uh maybe a phase or a season or like a series of moments where you realized that the identity that you were carrying, it just wasn't working for for you anymore. You know, like something it just gradually quietly shifted, and then you couldn't unsee it.

SPEAKER_00 9:24

Yeah, there were many uh many examples. Like one that is that is still unfolding is I had an identity as someone that is uh unorganized and unstructured. And I understand where this identity came from. I was a teenager, I didn't clean up my room, and probably my my mother or my dad would tell me, like, oh, you're messy, like your room is messy, you're messy. And then we have this self-reinforcing spiral that we think of ourselves in a certain way, and we act in alignment with that way because it's a subconscious program that we're running, and then our actions they confirm more of the same identity. Okay, and so as I was getting into business and I co-founded my first startup, it became more and more essential that I organize myself better, that I use my calendar to schedule things, that I do project management. And so my old identity of not being organized was becoming an issue. Before that, it was quite okay. I was studying physics, and I just had external structures that would just help me get along. And eventually I realized I need to have those structures. This is why also when I work with my coaching clients, a lot of them they run their own businesses. So there's no external structure, but they need to bring a certain structure to their business in order to make gig successful, in order to not feel completely overwhelmed and confused. So that would be one example. Another example, that was a really powerful shift for me, which it maybe will sound a little bit paradoxed at first, but so that was maybe was yeah, a few years ago. I would say like maybe four or five years ago, I was single at the time. I had I had multiple partners before, and I was single at the time, and I felt ready for the next relationship. I I felt really ready for a more serious, more committed relationship. And I came from a place of neediness a little bit. I I thought my life would be so much better once I have a girlfriend, a partner. Yeah. And I also had this idea of what that person should look like and be like, and that way of that that mindset made it really hard or impossible for me to really connect with someone and be open and and fall in love. And the shift that happened on you could say on an identity level was I became okay with the possibility that I would be single for the rest of my life. And not just okay, I actually can could see the beauty in it and how amazing my life could be if I never have a committed relationship again. So because of that shift, my whole energy changed, and I knew that I was already okay no matter what happens. And then very shortly after, I met my current wife, and we created the most beautiful relationship. So, yeah, to round this up, there's many, many more examples, but who we are is a collection of all the thoughts, all the beliefs we have about ourselves. And my definition of identity goes even a little bit further, which is it also includes all of the thoughts and uh beliefs that we have about the world, about business, about other people, because that's who we are. And whenever we want a different result in our life, it really makes sense to investigate if our current worldview and identity view of ourselves and of others might be standing in the way of that.

SPEAKER_01 13:48

Absolutely. And and that's that's a that's a very honest example. These conversations and discussions are not only applicable in in your work, in your professional life, but also in your in your personal lives as well. Um I really appreciate, you know, because that kind of honesty, it's it's kind of sometimes very rare, you know, especially when you are on podcasts and and uh very you know publicly open out there. So I really appreciate that.

SPEAKER_00 14:20

Yeah, thank you. I mean, when I work with with clients, one of the most important factors to make the coaching truly transformative and life-changing is that they feel safe. And we tend to feel a lot more safe if we know the other person is also just human. They have their own failures and imperfections, things that they're working on. So yeah, I try to lead by example and just put myself out there as a normal human being. And I have an amazing life. My life is really beautiful and wonderful, but I also have challenges. Uh, we have challenges in the relationships, I have some health issues sometimes. And yeah, if if someone that I'm in a coaching conversation with feels that they can share what's really happening for them, and I won't judge them because I have my own stuff going on, that seems to create a much more powerful container for the depth that is needed to truly have a life-changing shift.

SPEAKER_01 15:27

Absolutely, absolutely. And let's let's also, you know, before we conclude, let's let's also try to think about that, you know, how does it look like, you know, when living in alignment, or maybe, you know, if someone is genuinely trying to shift their identity, you know, not not performing a new one, but but you know, actually stepping into something more true. Where do they begin, yeah? And I mean, what does that process look like in practice?

(Cont.) From Restless Success To Inner Alignment, with Jan Trautwein

SPEAKER_00 16:00

There's no simple answer that I can give here, but that's also on purpose. I could give a simple answer, I could give a three-step process, but I don't think it's really that helpful. And the reason is it can look many different ways. We can just decide that we want to work on ourselves and on who we are, we want to show up more powerfully, more loving, more kind. And maybe the first step for someone is to hire a coach to get help because it's really difficult to work on ourselves, on our own mind, on our own identity without having some kind of external mirror. Because we all have our own blind spots, our ego has so many things that it wasn't want us to see, that it can be really tricky to do that on our own. Yeah. Another starting point could be we have a clear goal. We want to maybe make more money, we want to have a better relationship, and we are just noticing that we are not really making progress. We're kind of stuck, maybe we realize oh, I'm I'm the problem here. You know, not to shame ourselves or to put blame ourselves, but the more we can see, oh, this is on me. Like if I take ownership, I can actually see that the way I've been showing up in my relationship so far or in my business or at work, it's not giving me the outcomes that I want. And so that can then be a starting point. Like, hmm, well, then maybe instead of just trying to look for some quick fix or some external action plan, maybe I want to look inside of me and and see what I find there.

SPEAKER_01 17:48

I really appreciate once again, Jan, that you know, because often in in wellness spaces and conversations around personal development, you know, it can feel like, okay, this is that magic framework or approach that can help you solve all your problems, you know, especially when you are in that particular phase of life, you know, where you genuinely feel that yes, either you are going through a transition or either you get this feeling, you know, frequently that, you know, something in me it needs a huge shift in there. And maybe if I do this, it's going to solve all my problems and it's going to definitely happen. We, I mean, we kind of completely get fixated upon that particular method or framework. But I think it's once again, it's different for different people out there. But I think the most basic thing is that, you know, acknowledging that yes, I am accountable to myself, I am taking ownership of maybe, you know, the kind of shift that you know is is needed in the way I look at myself, look at others, look at problems, look at challenges in my life. You know, especially we talk about that victim mindset, quote unquote. But nothing to shame about, you know, because it's natural. It's natural because biologically or psychologically, we we always kind of you know tend to look out for quick fixes, you know, because we don't want to go through those bad moments or those, you know, mistakes. So it's nothing to shame about, I think at least that can provide a lot of relief for many listeners who feel that, you know, there's nothing, no solution out there for me.

SPEAKER_00 19:34

Yeah, and also when we notice, oh, I do have a bit of a victim mindset. It's we we no one chose that. So we are not at fault for the way we are operating and what our identity is like. So this is another one of those paradoxics. We are not at fault, like this is a product, a result of our upbringing, our parents, the media we consumed, what other people that we looked up to told us. And as children, we have no way to say, oh no, I don't want to believe this, right? When we look up to someone, could be at school, it could be a teacher, it could be an uncle, an aunt, we just take it on. And they might have no bad bad intentions, but we we might take on certain ways of thinking. For example, this is just a a I guess a term that call that that covers a range of different beliefs. We call it victim mindset. So we are not at fault at all. And at the same time, we have the full possibility to change who we are, right? So it's it's it's a paradox. Like, yes, we are a product of our environments and of our upbringing and of the conditioning, and at the same time, we can free ourselves and we can look at who we are with acceptance and compassion and understanding, and then ask ourselves, well, who do I want to be? What type of person do I want to be? And the one more thing that I want to share here that I think could be super useful is if we look for quick fixes first, then it's still something in the future that we are waiting for. Like, oh yeah, I'm gonna do this, I wanna do this coaching thing, I'm gonna use this plant medicine, or I'm gonna get hypnotized, and then all of my problems are gonna be gone. That creates first the the solution for more happiness is then at some point in the future. Second, it creates expectations that might not be very helpful. And the most important thing I would say is because who we are and what we identify as is so important, we want to develop a fun. Positive relationship to doing the inner work. So that it's not like, oh no, I need to work on myself. That's so annoying. I just want to be confident. I just I just want to be more positive. I don't like who I am. Oh my God, I need to do all of this work. Then it's really hard to do this work and to be consistent with it. Because this is a little bit like going to the gym, right? You don't go for one week and then you're done. If you want to be fit and healthy and have a lot of vitality and energy, then you need to live a healthy and fit and active lifestyle. And if you want to have a beautiful self-image, that you see it, see yourself as amazing, as great, as free, as successful, then it also like a lifelong practice in a way. Yes, you can make a lot of progress in a short amount of time if you really focus on it. But if the the mindset is, okay, then I'm done. I never have to do it again. Finally, I can just live my life, it might not be that helpful. So yeah, developing this is a little bit on a meta layer, but developing a good relationship to the inner work itself, one that you enjoy doing and you have your journal and you maybe drink your favorite tea in the morning, and you are excited to create yourself in a more successful, more free, more loving, more liberated way. And that's a good and important foundation.

SPEAKER_01 23:25

Absolutely. Absolutely. That's very well said. That's very well said, yeah. And and of course, uh, if if our listeners, you know, they would further like to connect with you, get to explore the work that you are doing, Jan. What what's the best way to reach out to you?

SPEAKER_00 23:41

The best way is simply to visit my website. It's jantautwein.com, so just my name.com. I don't have a lot of you know marketing funnels or anything like this. So there you can just find a way to reach out to me and we just have a chat. And maybe we chat on on email or on LinkedIn or on Instagram. And if it makes sense, then we can hop on a conversation and talk about what it would look like to work together.

SPEAKER_01 24:11

Of course, of course. Amazing. So Less Lanas, I'll have all the links mentioned in the show notes. So yes, feel free to reach out to Jan on different social media and and yeah, refer all the links. Find them at Ashala this episode. And Jan, thank you so, so much. Such a thoughtful, and I must say honestly, that it has been a very authentic conversation because we get to hear a lot about, you know, do this, do that, and everything will be fine. But I think this is a very mature and and very authentic way of looking at something very, very individual and also collective, you know, as your identity, shifting your identity or trying to understand what it means to live with joy or inner peace or alignment. So thank you so much once again.

SPEAKER_00 24:59

Thank you. Thank you. It was a pleasure to be part of that.

SPEAKER_01 25:03

And thank you to all the whole listeners here. After this conversation starts something in you, I hope you sit with it. You don't have to have it all figured out. Sometimes the most healing thing that you can do is just be willing to ask a new question about who you are. So, this is Helly Mind Helly Life. If this episode meant something to you, do share it with someone who might need it. Follow the show, and I'll be back soon with another honest conversation like this. Take care of yourself. Thank you so much.