Healing Starts With Not Flinching

SPEAKER_01 0:05

Every healing journey, every honest book about being human, the thing that finally helps is not a system, is not a hack. It is a person who looked at you and did not flinch. We talk a lot about mental wellness as something we do for ourselves. But what if the deeper work has always been about something simpler? The thing that got lost long before the addiction or the anxiety showed up. Heart-to-heart connection.

Meet Dr Larry Smith

SPEAKER_01 0:39

Welcome back to Healthy Mind, Healthy Life. I'm Yusuf, and on this show, we keep mental wellness real, practical, and grounded in everyday life. My guest today is Dr. Larry Smith. Larry is a retired chiropractor from Vancouver Island who practiced for 36 years, a longtime recovery advocate who has been sober since September 1999, and the author of three books, Embracing the Journey of Recovery, his memoir, Johnny and Me, Facing the Voice of Alcohol Within, and the upcoming dystopian medical thriller 2084, The Neuroxone Conspiracy. We are going to talk today about something that runs through all of his work and all of his life. The quiet, daily, almost forgotten practice of heart-to-heart connection. With that, I welcome my guest, Dr. Larry Smith, to the show.

SPEAKER_00 1:40

It's great to be here. Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_01 1:44

Absolutely. So, Dr. Larry, before we go deeper, I'd love to start with a small question. When you look back across a long life of medicine, recovery, writing, who was the first person who connected with your heart to heart in a way that actually changed something in you?

Jonathan And The Turning Point

SPEAKER_00 2:06

Um, there's a lot of people in my life, heart to heart, we're talking about family and friends, but I don't think it really became meaningful until a young man named Jonathan in the treatment center talked to me, and really it wasn't what he said. I just knew that there was a connection that I had never felt before because I really wanted to die. So it would have been Jonathan in in the treatment center, but it not to dismiss that I had connections before, but that really brought me back to my life. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:43

And you know, also there's a really common idea that connection is a soft thing, like a nice extra. Something we get to once we have handled the problems from everything you you have lived, both in your own recovery and the lives of people you have side beside. Where does the idea fall apart? Like, what does heart-to-heart connection actually do that we underestimate?

SPEAKER_00 3:11

Well, first of all, you have to understand that this is life itself. That is the whole meaning of life is when I'm connecting one human being to another and we're being real with each other. And in my my personal life, um, I can't get by my my partner Lori and I. Uh, if I walk by her, sometimes she goes, uh-uh-uh, we I have to have a hug before we start anything. That is the the the real connection there. And even little things like um at the swimming pool, I see a lot of people there, and I really want to know how they're doing, not just how their races are and how their their times were, but how how are you feeling? How did that make you feel? So I think it's something that you practice every day if you're conscious of it. Otherwise, uh it's just a life full of doing things and doing stuff with with no real connection. So I can see how people would not want or would fall uh prey to just going through the motions. And I was doing that for a number of years, thinking I was being successful where I wasn't, because I really craved um being with another person, being around people, and the only way is by burying my soul. I mean, you can't do it every day necessarily, but just um you have to connect and you have to work at it. I'm not an outgoing person, that's why I'd love doing these podcasts. I've never met you before, and uh I I like making new connections, so just something that you have to do basically every day, and you can't just slide by it.

Digital Crowds And Real Loneliness

SPEAKER_01 4:49

And that is such an important discussion because most of us are more connected than we have ever been digitally, and lonelier than we ever been, actually.

SPEAKER_00 5:02

Oh, that's you if you've hit the nail on the head. The uh if you're looking in the shopping malls, the faces are in the phones, and uh even before that, uh I'd be as a chiropractor, I was looking at people's postures and how they were moving. Uh, and I'll I'll tell you right now, uh, you said uh they're digitally connected, but heart to heart not connected. There's just so much information, and you can't get around it. That is why you have to make a conscious effort for, especially with loved ones, but even people you don't know or know, they can just use that little extra, you know. How are you doing? How how how how how are you really feeling? I mean, there's a lot of ways of doing it, but you've you hit a really good point there, and uh I I appreciate what you're saying because I get annoyed with it every day, everybody on their phone, and it it really has disconnected us. So thank you for bringing that up.

Johnny’s Voice And Isolation

SPEAKER_01 6:00

And Dr. Larry, underneath this addiction, underneath anxiety, underneath the long, quiet kinds of suffering, you've talked about a voice in your memoir. You personified it as Johnny. From your seat now, what is actually happening for someone when the when that voice gets loud? And what does the absence of real connection have to do with it?

SPEAKER_00 6:29

Okay, so I think what you're talking about there, what we're looking at is uh I'm talking from my point of view, and it's probably many other people's points of view, is the voice of whoever it is in your head. In my case, it was Johnny. Johnny basically controlled my life. I had to have Johnny a connection with him every day, which was a drink or a pill. Well, and it wasn't singular, it was it was a lot of it. And when I started questioning uh whether I should be taking it, the voice kept on telling me, just have one, just have one. But of course, you just can't have one. And this uh went on for so many years until it became such a uh strong connection, I couldn't even talk to another human being without having something in my system because I was afraid. I was afraid they might see me for who I really am. I was portraying a person who was confident and strong and uh intelligent, but underneath I was dying inside because uh the one relationship with Johnny had totally taken over. And um, this is how the book Johnny and Me got started. Um, I I really wanted to tell my support group what it was exactly like. There were two voices: there was Johnny's voice and there was Larry's voice. And Johnny would do anything for me uh to keep together with him, even though it had caused me great harm. He said, Well, I I've always brought you peace, I've always brought you this. It was the big lie. So I think with people out there struggling too, that voice is very strong, and it takes help to overcome it. I don't think most people can do it on their own, some can't, and my hat's off to them. I realize that's possible. In my case, I needed to be taken away from my home situation, and I needed to be around people in the same situation to help me to realize there was a person underneath there, and the first uh uh connection that I had was with that young man named Jonathan, and he basically there was a renewed heart-to-heart connection. I basically wanted to die, so that voice of Johnny or whoever it is in your head, and you're struggling with it. Um you really need to deal with it, but you most people you can't do it alone.

SPEAKER_01 8:49

And you know, that is the part that's hard to hear and important to hear at the same time because so many people listening are at war with a voice in their head, not realizing that voice has been speaking longer than they have had real, safe human connection in their life.

SPEAKER_00 9:11

Oh, oh, oh yeah, it's um it's there, and uh there are other ways you you can deal with it too, but you you need to have healthy ways in combating it. It's just not something you can turn the switch and say it's off. That is why when you go through a recovery program, you need strategies to help you with it too. Mine, besides connecting with other people is physical activity. I really needed to keep my body moving. That is why I did marathons and iron man triathlons and uh that type of thing, and also eating properly. So then when your the voice comes in your head, you're better able to deal with it. But if you're hungry, you're tired, you're not with other people, the voice is it's very easy to be manipulated. You see the bottle of Johnny there, or you see the pill, and it's way too easy uh to succumb to that. So, but it takes time to build up these uh systems to fight the voice within Larry.

Simple Ways To Reconnect Weekly

SPEAKER_01 10:14

I want this, I want to ground this in real life. So, for someone listening right now who's not in addiction, but who knows they are disconnected from their family, from their partner, from themselves. What does the work of rebuilding heart-to-heart connection actually look like in a regular week?

SPEAKER_00 10:37

Okay, that's a really good question. And I think the building of heart-to-heart connection, it just starts with uh something, something simple. So, say it's your loved one, your partner, you know. Can I talk to you? And um, there's something that's been bothering me, and can we talk for a second? There, I think you'll get the attention. So I've been for an example, I've been feeling anxious about something at work, and can I speak with you? And the other person, the partner, is going to totally listen to you then, and then as soon as you're able to share um a vulnerability, uh, a feeling, it doesn't have to be too deep, but just a concern, I think that is what starts it. You just can't automatically go there deep, but I think if you make a um concerted effort to try to connect with that way, express something that you're vulnerable, the other person, your your partner or whoever it's going to be will say, you know what? I know how you feel. I know exactly how you feel because that happened to me, and that must feel really tough for you. And I learned this at a at a treatment center as I had to go over the basic feelings, go up to strangers and saying, um, you know, I've I've been afraid in my life. Here's the example of me being afraid. Uh, and has that ever happened to you? And the person looks at me, what are you kidding? And and then they would share a story with me. And it went as it went, so I had to go up to all sorts of people doing that. So uh if I can be in a vulnerable position and do it with total strangers, I think uh it's I won't say easy, but it's definitely possible for you to go up to your loved ones, even if you have been disconnected and you're not getting along, show that little bit of vulnerability, show them your heart, show them your hurting, and I am quite certain that they will share back with you. And it doesn't have to be in big loud words, it's more of the feeling that goes with it. Uh, does that make sense?

SPEAKER_01 12:40

Yes. And uh what is a small, almost invisible practice that has made the biggest difference for you in staying connected to yourself and the people you love?

SPEAKER_00 12:53

Um the biggest, smallest difference is being real. So I had the big mask of who I want how I wanted people to see, Larry. And so now if I'm having a bad day, I says, you know what, this day sucks. I feel I feel I feel really bad. You know what? I just I just want to go to bed, and then tomorrow we're we're we're gonna start again. But right now, I just feel so awful, and then that way it's not everything can't be wonderful every day. So if you're true and authentic with your emotions, every so often you can just you tell people uh how you feel, and if you're happy, tell tell them that as well. Just uh be you, uh, because everybody else is taken. And I I I was ashamed of me. I I thought I wasn't good enough, but I had to show that I was. So I would say, yeah, be real would be the the one simple thing.

SPEAKER_01 13:50

And that is so honest. I think a lot of listeners just had a moment of recognition because connection is not built in big speeches, it is built in small, repeated acts of being actually present. Uh that's the part nobody markets to us.

SPEAKER_00 14:08

Yeah, there can't, there's uh there's no money to be made that way. You can't sign up for a seminar, it's just a it's a very easy thing, be real. So so I I know what you mean. There's all sorts of uh ways of how to improve yourself. And I've in my disease, I read every self-improvement book and made it complex versus just start sharing. I mean, and I still have to work at it every day. And and and actually it's a it's a good thing because it it keeps one grounded and keeps one connected.

2084 And The Neuroxone Question

SPEAKER_01 14:40

Alerry, your new book, 2084, the neuroxon conspiracy. Tell us about it and what does the title mean?

SPEAKER_00 14:48

Okay, so 2084, the neuroxon conspiracy. It started, I would have been about 10 years into my recovery, and uh one of my mentors, he was actually at the treatment center I was at, and we were at a meeting together, and he said, Larry, I'm getting really fed up because the um addiction recovery business is being taken over by the pharmaceutical companies, and I had no idea what he was talking about because I was working so hard in my program and connecting with people and doing what I had to. I had no idea there'd something come in come in place in the medically assisted treatment where you're using using drugs to reduce cravings, and okay, that kind of makes sense. Uh, and we're we're doing safe supply so people don't buy, yeah, you know, that makes sense. But I think what he was getting at is we were dealing with recovery had become chemical management versus heart-to-heart connection, and he was just so upset about it. And the more I looked into it, I found out oh, this is really this is really happening, and in reality, we need both. Yes, we need to keep people alive, but what are we keeping people alive for if they're just gonna go out and recycle and and overdose again? So that's where I started looking into it, and I said, gee, I I says, you know what, I could write about this, and um, so I developed one of the characters, uh, Dr. Berger. Uh, he's based on uh my my friend who was passed on. Uh, and then I I needed some other characters as well. One was from uh a pharmaceutical company president, and of course, um the the government as well uh was was involved. So basically, what we're looking at here is the uh pharmaceutical industry combined with the government is basically they've found the cure, and the cure is a pill named neuroxone. But the only thing is it sounds good, but because people are dying at an ever-increasing rate, uh, they are not allowing any other forms of treatment. So your abstinence-based recovery uh they they they don't like, so they're slowly trying to erase it. So it's the struggle between abstinence-based recovery and the pill that is allegedly supposed to cure addiction. Uh that is that is the conflict. And it uh I ran into so many things in my personal life that I had to get off my chest and even use myself as one of the characters speaking to a health minister or uh chief medical officer because I find our voices aren't being uh aren't being heard. We have people who know very little about a bit very little about addiction. They are the ones who are making all the decisions. So I explore all these concepts and it's character-driven. And I really um I enjoyed developing the characters and I didn't know how it was going to turn out. So I says, Oh, here I have to have the ending here, which I won't tell you what it is, but I just found it was a fascinating concept. Um, and I tried to have a balanced approach, but of course, as you know, I think the heart-to-heart connection is where it's at, and um that can can never be erased because what are we living for? And one of the sayings is recovery is not the absence of craving, it's the presence of purpose, and uh that's uh what one of the the lines that I I like to promote because it's all all about what are you waking up for in the morning to do? Uh here I want to spread the word, and I see with the work you're doing too, you you want people to be self-empowered to transform, and and I you know I congratulate you you on that. You've had many, many podcasts with very interesting guests, and by the way, thank you for having me on so I can express my point of view.

SPEAKER_01 18:40

Absolutely, sir. You're most welcome. And that is really a brief thing to put on the page because the easier story is to say technology will save us, but you are saying something harder that if we let the human part disappear, the cure becomes its own kind of harm.

SPEAKER_00 19:03

Yeah, uh I know exactly exactly what you mean there. I would agree.

Where To Connect And Final Hope

SPEAKER_01 19:12

So, Dr. Larry, for people who want to connect with you or want to read your works, where can it do that?

SPEAKER_00 19:18

Uh best way is through drlarysmithauthor.com and uh go right to the reader circle because I have all sorts of um insightful uh allegory type stories that are immediately available when you sign up. And uh there's a blog there, and uh there's basically everything you need to know about me and connection, especially heart-to-heart connection. So, yeah, dr larrysmithauthor.com um recovery circle. Or I should say reading circle.

SPEAKER_01 19:51

Perfect perfect. And everyone listening, all these links are a show not to just go ahead and check those out.

unknown 19:59

Dr.

SPEAKER_01 20:00

Larry, is there any last message that you want to leave us with?

SPEAKER_00 20:04

Um no matter what, there is hope. There is hope. And if you are hurting, reach out and talk to somebody. That is the basic one. That's what's uh saved me is by by reaching out. And when that happens, the the journey can start beginning.

SPEAKER_01 20:30

Here is what I am taking from this conversation that mental illness is not a solo project, it never was. It is built in the small daily, often unspectacular acts of letting the human heart actually meet ours. So if today's commission reads somewhere quiet in you, do one thing tonight before you go sleep. Reach out to one person, a real person, heart to heart, no agenda, no fix, just contact. And that is the medicine. I thank Dr. Larry Smith for spending this time with us, and I thank you all for listening. I'll see you in the next one.