A High Stakes Moment

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Dear listeners. You know, like today I thought, um on Helldyman Hell Life, we talk about mental health, we talk about psychology, um in different aspects, right? But today I thought, like, why not start with some imagination? Yes. So picture this a person standing at the edge of a moment that will change everything. Heart pounding, palms, sweating. Wondering if they have thought of every detail. A marriage proposal. It's more than a question, right? And it's it's not a kind of declaration or kind of uh memory or a story like two people will tell for the rest of their lives. And yet, um beneath all the romance and excitement, there's something deeper happening, like something about vulnerability, intention, and how we show up for the people that we love. So hey dear listeners, welcome back to another powerful episode of Healthy Mind, Healthy Life. I'm your host, Avik, and this is where we explore the everyday moments that shape our mental and emotional building. And today we are looking at a pair of life milestone that most of us think about, dream about, or rather plan for at some point. And we are asking, like, what it really takes to create something meaningful when the stakes feel impossibly high. Well, we have a very lovely guest with us, so please welcome Ash Ash Fox. Welcome to show.

SPEAKER_00 1:48

Thank you for that introduction, Avik. That was so beautiful the way you laid it out.

SPEAKER_01 1:53

Thank you. Thank you so much, Ash, for joining us here. And um uh so dearness, like uh I'll quickly introduce you to Ash. So she is the o uh owner of one of the world's first marriage proposal

Why Proposal Planning Exists

SPEAKER_01 2:05

planning businesses, someone who has spent years helping people turn one of life's most vulnerable moments into a memory that is worth holding on to. So why do it? Let's get started. Welcome to the show again.

SPEAKER_00 2:20

Thank you, Avik. I love the way you put that. It is a memory worth holding on to for sure.

SPEAKER_01 2:24

Exactly, exactly. And and you know, like uh Ash, like um like most people think a great proposal is all about a kind of grand gesture, the surprise, the perfect setting. Um so what do you think? I mean, what is the biggest misconception here that you see when someone starts planning a proposal?

SPEAKER_00 2:46

So I guess the most I guess the misconception is that I think from the outside, when people hear what I do and they hear, you know, I plan proposals for a living, and most people are like, whoa, I've never heard of that career before. What kind of job is that? That's so interesting. And um some people might think, and that's totally fine to think this, but some people are thinking, like, why would you need help planning your own marriage proposal? Like, and some people might have a little judgment and thinking like, oh, um, this is getting so out of hand that people want to do these extravagant things, right? When it's really just about two people who love each other coming together, making a commitment and moving forward with their lives, right? And the marriage is what matters, not just like this, you know, shiny, cool one moment of your life, right? And so I totally get that. I get where people are coming from with that. And I think sometimes there's a, I think sometimes people just, you have to remember there's all kinds of people, right? And there's all kinds of needs that people have. And so I will just tell you, Avik, I did not know this was a need until the need found me, the people were finding me, needing, needing help with this, right? Like I didn't even know it was something that people needed help with. Um, but they started coming to me and I became, you know, over time became an expert after 15 years. I've been doing this. Um, and so what I'll tell you is I think that there are people who I think people have a misconception that it's all about just all the fluff, right? And it's not about the heart. But the truth of the matter is for so many, and I work mostly with men, I work with women too, but mainly men. For so many men, it is about the heart. It's about showing their partner that they get them, that they know what kind of woman she is, they know what kind of what her desires are, what her dream proposal would be. And they want to make that vision a reality. So when it comes down to it, it actually is about starting this marriage off, showing their future wife that, hey, I love you, I know who you are, and I want to create a memory that you're gonna want to talk about for the rest of your life, that you're gonna get lit up about. And it really is about her. So, um, and that all said, Avik, not to go on a tangent, but there's absolutely people out there who might have concepts for proposal where it is more about their own ego, more about showing off to their friend group or thinking that they need to um, you know, keep up with the Joneses in some way because of trends and things like that. But my goal is to really help my clients tune into what feels right to them and what's really right, what what feels right as far as honoring the person they love the most?

SPEAKER_01 5:38

Exactly. Very true. And and um so like so when someone comes to you uh focused only on the spectacle, so how do you guide them back to like what actually matters to them?

SPEAKER_00 5:56

So the first part is Avic, I have I come in when a client comes in the door, I trust them. I trust that they know they

Spectacle Versus Authentic Love

SPEAKER_00 6:05

want to marry this person. So I'm not like gonna question that you know like the fundamentals. Um, I trust that they have a sense of who their girlfriend is and what she would desire, what she would like. Um, and also I just want to say it's really important to me that my clients are doing something that's true for them. So I don't want my clients to feel like they're doing a proposal that doesn't feel who like who they are, you know, and sometimes it is important to go a little out of your comfort zone. Like for instance, there are some men who in relationship maybe aren't as like classically romantic. They might be romantic in certain aspects of the relationship, but they might not be the most like public displays of affection type of people, or they might not be the guy who shows up at the house with like 20 dozen roses, you know. However, they might, they might have in their heart a desire that for their proposal day, they want to step into their like romantic Don Juan archetype and really sweep her off her feet for this important memory. So it's important to really balance that, right? Like I don't want people to try to be something they're not or something that doesn't feel good to their budget, even right. But I want people to also not be afraid to be vulnerable, not be afraid to make a statement. Um, so when my clients come in the door, like they're I've of course I've had some guys who come in and they just want, you know, all the bells and whistles. They want to do something super extravagant, but then they'll tell me about their girl and they'll be like, you know, she is like a super glamorous woman. Like she loves, you know, red roses and she's always dressed up and she always has her nails done and she likes nice handbags. And so, like, I want to go more opulent for her because that's who she is. And then I have men who come in the door and they might say, you know, I actually have a client who I'm thinking of, a wonderful man is with Eric. Um, I don't think he's listening to this, but I'm gonna share a little bit of his story. Um, but Eric came in and Eric had when he came in the door, you know, he even had an assistant contact me. Like he's a very successful established man. And so his assistant got in touch with me and he's like, you know, Mike, my um my boss wants to get engaged and he wanted to seek your expertise. He's coming from Columbia and he really needs your help for his proposal in New York City. And so when I had my meeting with him, we talked and he's like, Ash, you know, budget is no object for me. I can really go as over the top as I want to. You know, I really want to do this like luxury penthouse, and I want to fill the penthouse with white roses everywhere and like this huge heart display. And, you know, there was, we just were, we were really brainstorming and having so much fun, like looking at all these really different oculate designs we could do. Um, and I went to different hotels and was showing him and voice noting him and timing him from these places. And all of a sudden we had everything almost set. And he came to me and said, Ash, I had a revelation. He is like, I really had to get quiet with myself. And what I realized is all of these big things that I want to do, they're for me. It's because it's what I want to do, it's what I like. And I want to make this grand statement for her. But when I had to really think about it, she is a really understated woman. Like she doesn't need all that or want all that. It's really, I was making it about me, not her. And I was like, wow, that's so beautiful that you came to that. And I think he came to that, you know, through the process that we do, because sometimes it takes really kind of creating your vision to realize, like, hmm, maybe that's not what I want to do, you know? And so, um, so yes, we always try to give back to, you know, who are you? Who is she, and where can we find how how can we create an experience that feels really authentic to your vision for this special day in your life?

SPEAKER_01 9:59

Extremely true. Extremely. And I think that's such an important shift, like because it's easy to get caught up in uh what looks impressive rather than what feels true. And um a proposal that reflects who you actually are as a couple probably stays with you longer than um than uh something designed just to look good on camera. Absolutely, absolutely adag exactly and uh also you know, like for someone who is who's thinking about uh proposing, or maybe even someone who's been uh proposed

The Memory Bank Of Marriage

SPEAKER_01 10:40

to how does this moon show up in everyday life after that fact? Like uh does the way a proposal unfolds affect the relationship going forward?

SPEAKER_00 10:50

Like that's really interesting. So I think yes, and I think no, I think it can absolutely be something that so so I'll tell you this, Avic. Okay, I feel like life is short, you know, life is short and life throws us curve curveballs, life throws us lots of negative experiences. Like every single union is gonna have their fair share of negative experiences. However, we have moments that we get to celebrate in life, beautiful moments, and we get to make them the best that we can make them. And so a proposal is that is one of those opportunities. And it's different than a wedding because a wedding, if you really think about a wedding, a wedding is very much about it's about celebrating the commitment of these two people coming together who love each other, but it's also about being witnessed, being witnessed by your friends, being witnessed by your family, being witnessed by the community surrounding you and all of those people collectively supporting you making this next move in your life. But the proposal is different because the proposal is really coming from, you know, truly it's coming from both people that both people want to be together, but it's really about one partner saying, I'm gonna be vulnerable here and make this ask almost a ceremony about us, a ceremony for the two of us, a moment that we're going to, like, I'm really, they're really gonna ritualize this moment in a beautiful way to create a romantic memory. And in a marriage, you know, the goal obviously is to like be together for the rest of your lives. And like I said, life life, you know, life gives you lemons at times, life gives you unpleasant experiences. And so the more you get to fill up your bank of memory of beautiful positive moments and experiences and stories that you're gonna tell your grandchildren, you know, that these stories are gonna come up all the time. Like you might be at a um like a kid's birthday party, and someone might ask you, you know, how did you guys, how did you guys meet? And how did you end up, or it might even come up like, how did you get aged? And you want your partner to be like, oh my gosh, do you want to tell the story? I want to tell the story and be like so excited to tell that story. And it just lights you up and also fills you with all of those positive emotions that were at the start of your relationship. Because, you know, we always hear it like marriage is hard work. You know, we go through things in life together. Not every day is easy. You always have to come back to love and the truth of like who is the person I married, like why did I fall in love with them? So when you have a beautiful proposal moment to draw on as this like romantic, incredible memory, I think it helps. I think it helps. And like I said, you know, it doesn't make or break a marriage, but it can only add in a positive way.

SPEAKER_01 13:52

Exactly, exactly true. And uh wow, that's so lovely. Yeah, and and um, and also um what about when a proposal doesn't go as planned? Like, how do people

When Plans Break And Rain Hits

SPEAKER_01 14:05

make sense of that without letting it overshadow what the movement was really about?

SPEAKER_00 14:12

Absolutely. So you know what, Avik, you're so right. Like, so within what I do, there's of course like men come to me from all over the world and they come to me, like, you know, sometimes people think, like, oh, why aren't they doing it themselves? Well, part of it is they are doing it. A lot of times, 50% of the men who work with me have an idea already and they just want me to execute it with my team and carry it out for them. And then the other half really come to me as an expert and are like, Ash, I need an idea. Can you help me? Like, what do you think would be the best for me to do? Let me tell you about my girl, and we go from there. Um, but what we okay, oh my gosh, Avic, I lost. Sorry, I lost the question. I was telling, I was answering it. Then I like lost it. What even oh, oh, what do we? I'm sorry, I came back to you. What do we do when things don't go accordingly? So my clients come to me thinking, like, I need help with the plan, right? Like, let me create the best plan possible and get Ash's expertise to help me carry this plan through. And that's a big part of what I do. So at the start of working with a client, they come in the door and we have a planning session over Zoom, kind of like this, where we talk about, we look at pictures together. I show them different kinds of packages and things we've done for other people, and we figure out what would be best, like the best location. And then from there, we think of what would be the best strategy, what would be the best decoy to really just shock her, surprise her. You know, I also give a lot of tips on like how to time your proposal, how to pace your proposal to elicit like the best reaction and all of that, like when to take out the ring, all these little things, so that they feel really prepared and so that they feel really strong. And the goal of it is, you know, with something as vulnerable as that as this, with something as emotionally charged as this, there's a lot of, you know, there's stress that can come up, there's nerves that can come up. And so my goal is to really take a lot of that stress away by helping empower my guys with like great strategy and plans so that all they need to do is just follow the plan, show up, and propose. And that's my goal. Now, that being said, again, life is mysterious and magical, and we never know what's gonna happen because things sometimes crazy things happen. And so um, a lot of my clients have a very big concern, and it's one of the most common questions I get on a weekly basis. Ash, what do I do if it rains? And I always, and I always tell my clients, I'm like, I would love nothing more than to control the weather. I wish I had that power, but I don't have the power to control the weather, and it is possible for it to rain. And so, you know, sometimes it rains. And what I tell my clients is if we know in advance that it's gonna rain, of course we're gonna make arrangements and work around it and try to change the time or try to change the date. But let's say we can't. Let's say there's like a crazy flash storm, can't do anything about it. We do we just do the best we can and we embrace the moment and we make the best of it. And I'm gonna tell you something so funny, Avik. So many of my clients worry about rain because they're like, oh, her perfect hair is gonna get wet, or you know, it's not gonna be as good for the pictures, or what happens if like the decorations get wet and things like that. And that's a very valid concern, especially when you're doing photography or videography, things that we do, like we don't want there to be rain, or if we have a musician playing violin, we don't want to ruin his violin, obviously. However, when it actually rains and you're on your knee, I I find that it actually heightens the rope, the it heightens the emotions even more in a good way, which is kind of funny. What I've noticed is whenever it rains, my my clients' girlfriends, fiancés are absolutely, they're just like crying. They're so emotional. Like it almost creates this extra power of like the elements, right? Like the rain coming down. And I have these girls, like they'll have their hair wet and they're like, they're like, it's just so romantic with the rain coming down. And so I t I tell my guys, I'm like, every single romantic movie, every single romantic movie you've ever watched, there's always a rain scene. There's always a rain scene. That's like the most like sexy romantic part of the movie. So, you know, when things, when things don't go the way you planned, you know, the best, the best perspective is to just try to make the most of it and find like the positive silver lining. Because it's true, like maybe her hair wasn't perfect, maybe she got a little wet, but to her, it's such an incredible story to still tell. So that's what I would just say.

SPEAKER_01 18:49

Amazing. That's really amazing. Ooh. And um so so I'll definitely want to ask you this one, but after the proposal, like after the excitement fades a little. Um how do people

Keeping Intentionality After Yes

SPEAKER_01 19:05

sustain that uh same intentionality and uh thoughtfulness as they move into the next phase? Uh whether that's uh uh engagement or marriage itself.

SPEAKER_00 19:18

I love that question, Avic. That's that really is a that's a question I think everyone thinks of when they're getting married. Like, how do we how do we keep the spark alive? How do we keep the spike alive? Like all these things, right? Um, and you're right, you use the right word, art. There's an artfulness within that, right? Um, and I think like um, I've I don't know if you've ever studied like Tantra or like the ideas behind that, but like it's very much about like the artfulness of life and the bringing presence to a moment um to create a life that's juicy and exciting, like even inside even in the mundane moments. So I think that it definitely takes intentionality and it takes um really coming together as a couple with being clear on what you want this relationship to be, and both people really giving it, choosing someone who you know is gonna give what you're gonna give, right? Like who puts as much in as you put in. Um, and that's like in the choosing part, but just like in just basic, which I just want to mention something that I um it not really off topic, but it really connects to this is that again, like with the foundations of a proposal. So nowadays, like I said before, um well, nowadays you have a lot of people doing these elaborate proposals or who might want an elaborate proposal. And a lot of times what sometimes comes with that is people want again to be witnessed. They want people watching or seeing it, like their friends and family. And what I try to tell my parent, my my clients, like while I'm not, I'm not against that, I think that that's totally fine if you, if it's really important to you to have friends and family, or if you're very young and you have family that's like, you know, you almost feel like you can't get out of the pressure that they're putting on you to be there. I've had some clients in that position before. What I really encourage my clients is number one, when I have a call with a client, sometimes they'll be like, hey, my mom wants to come on the call, or my sister's coming, gonna be on the call with me. And I tell them, you know what? Hey, I'm like, whatever his name is, like, hey, Brandon. I just want to tell you that I personally like to do these calls one-on-one. And there's a reason. The reason is I want to make sure that whatever we come up with is really coming from you and feels good to you. And I don't want you to feel pressure, even from the people who love you the most. And trust me, I know they love you so much and I know they have such good intentions, but I just want to make sure that this really is in your integrity and feels good for you, everything you decide to do. So, that said, I do encourage my clients. I tell them you can absolutely do a proposal with friends and family watching, but it's gonna be an entirely different experience than one to one with your partner. Because, like I Said before, a wedding is really that opportunity to kind of like be on stage, have everyone witnessing you, experiencing your love and your commitment, but you're kind of on stage. You're kind of like, oh, you're looking at me. Is my hair good? Like, do I have food in my teeth? Like, and you're not just with your partner, like having that level of depth and connection, which I find is kind of a missed opportunity if you take that away from the proposal. So I think when you have a proposal that's just about the two of you, where you really get to experience this romantic connection together, I think that alone kind of gives you plants the seeds that, like, hey, we need more of this. And we want to make time to have to create experiences for each other like this. Um, hopefully that answers what you were asking. I kind of went on there.

SPEAKER_01 22:50

Exactly, exactly. So, so um, so if listeners want to connect with you, how they can connect.

SPEAKER_00 22:57

Oh, I would love to connect with your listeners, Avik. If people would like to reach out to me, they can check out my website, ashfoxproposals.com.

How To Reach Ash And Close

SPEAKER_00 23:06

In addition, I've got my Instagram, Ashfox Proposals with an S at the end, you know, proposals plural on Instagram. And on there, you can see like lots of inspiring proposal ideas from my clients. You can see little tips and tricks from me. I comment on celebrity proposals and kind of give my two cents on these things. It's a lot of fun on there. So, and if they want to say hi or reach out, welcome to DM DM me. Um, additionally, if they're thinking about getting engaged anywhere in the world, I'm available to do consulting. Happy to help with that. Um, but if they are thinking about proposing in New York City, we have my whole team there for full service proposals and would love to help them. Um, and also if you're just out there and you're like, Ash, you know, I'm actually thinking about proposing and I would like some free advice. I've got a podcast of my own called the Proposal Podcast, which has lots of episodes with where I go really deep into different elements of proposing to answer all your questions. So um, yeah, that's it. I would love to chat with them.

SPEAKER_01 24:11

Amazing, amazing, lovely. So uh, dear listeners, what I'll do is I'll put all the links, details, and everything into the show notes for easy reference. And um I had to say, I mean, you know, like listeners, that a great proposal is not about the perfection, it is about the presence. Yeah. And Ash, I mean, thank you so much for sharing all of this with all of us. It's uh very helpful. And I believe people will definitely wanna uh reach out to you. And um so uh before before we go, I want to um uh say that uh there is like whether you are planning a proposal, supporting someone who is, or just reflecting on the moments that mattered in your own life. The question is not about whether you got everything right or not, it's it's whether you uh showed up with the intention, with honesty, with care. That's that's what people remember. That's what lasts. So thank you so much for listening to Healthy Man, Healthy Life. I'm your host, Avek, and I'll be back soon with another conversation about the every choices that shape how we live and love. Take care of the mind and take care of each other. Thank you so much.