When Life Feels Impossible

SPEAKER_01 0:04

Dear listeners, you know, like I think about the last time you faced um just think like this that uh the the last time that you faced something that felt impossible. Maybe that you stood at the bottom of a mountain that you uh didn't think you could climb. Maybe uh looked at a choice that had no easy answer. We tell ourselves stories about who we are in those moments, and sometimes those stories can trap us or set us free. Right? So today we are talking about the obstacles, choices, and what it really means to do the right thing when everything inside you is screaming to keep up. Yeah. So hey dear listeners, welcome back to another powerful episode of Healthy Man, Healthy Life. I'm your host, Rami, and I'm I'm so glad that all of you are here today. And um, you know, like this is the show, uh, is all about making sense of the uh messy real stuff that affects our mental health every single day. Uh there is no jargon, no quick fixes, definitely, but just the honest conversations that meet you where you are. Yeah. And joining me today as a very lovely guest, please welcome Jack Baldman. So welcome to the show.

SPEAKER_00 1:31

Thank you very much. Just uh to be specific, it it's Zach Z A C Zalboy.

SPEAKER_01 1:37

Okay, perfect.

SPEAKER_00 1:39

It's Zach.

SPEAKER_01 1:42

Amazing, amazing. So uh dear listeners, like before we uh get into the discussion, uh quickly love to Zach. So um he has written a novel that digs deep into overcoming massive obstacles and

Why Being Unreasonable Can Work

SPEAKER_01 1:56

doing the right thing, like even when it uh costs you everything, right? So uh exactly. So dear listeners, like, I mean, uh trust me, there are a lot of things to discuss today, and I believe you'll lot learn a lot of things from Zach. So um, by the way, wait, I mean, let's get started. Welcome to the show again. Thank you very much. Amazing. So uh I definitely want to start uh with something like uh, you know, like when people think about overcoming obstacles, um there's often this idea that it's all about the willpower or toughness, like uh pushing through no matter what it is. So I mean, what do you think I mean uh is the biggest misconception that uh you have noticed about what it really takes to get through something which is massive?

SPEAKER_00 2:49

I think we have uh words that have an automatic judgment. For instance, unreasonable. You hear someone say he's unreasonable or she's unreasonable, and there's a negative connotation to that. But if you look at the incredible accomplishments, they had to be unreasonable to achieve it. They have you know climbing a mountain, you you're gonna climb Mount Everest? Well, that's unreasonable, but you ignore that and move on anyway, you know.

SPEAKER_01 3:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:23

So yeah, it to me it's an important perception that other people who don't see it or whatever will call you stubborn, unreasonable, and you've got to be okay with that. And even if you fail, and they'll go, see, I told you so, you still accomplish something by trying to move it. And you should never feel bothered or ashamed that you gave an attempt even if it failed.

Healthy Drive Versus Self-Destruction

SPEAKER_01 3:50

I agree. And and you know, like I mean, when someone is in that kickoff bat, right? So how do you uh I mean, how do they start to notice the difference between pushing themselves forward in a um healthy way uh versus just grinding themselves down?

SPEAKER_00 4:10

That I think is the hardest one. Um because again, people outside looking in would say, you know, you're crazy, give it up. You know, look how tired you are. You need rest, you need to eat, or you know, whatever admonitions they're throwing at you.

SPEAKER_01 4:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:28

And again, the people that kind of go beyond that achieve great things, but also there are ones that go beyond it and fail. And it's really, if you can still be, if you will, aware of other people, considerate of them a bit, go crazy with your goal. But if you find that you're alienating everyone and that you know you're angry all the time or whatever, well, then maybe you should re-look at what you're trying to do. There has to be some positive, even if you know you're just struggling, there's some motivation. I in writing, I'll have people say, hey, I want to write, and I'll say, That's terrific. I have to write. I don't have a choice. Uh you know, it's gotta come out of me, or I'm gonna, you know, turn into a turnip or something. I don't know. But um, and that have to to me is your own personal resonance. And if you have to, you've got to ignore what other people are saying and just go with it. Unless, of course, you're making yourself so miserable that you can't be with you as well as anybody else. That's a totally different thing. But if you're driven in a positive way, I must do this, yeah. To me, it's go to town.

SPEAKER_01 5:50

That's interesting. Yeah, it's just such an important distinction because we hear so much about the resilience and grid. But uh if like uh we are not paying attention to what's actually sustaining us, uh uh versus like what's depleting us, then we can obviously end up uh some stuck, obviously, more stuck, and not just some, it's more stuck than uh when we started. Yes, very much.

Choosing Integrity Over Approval

SPEAKER_00 6:20

Yeah. I it uh when I I wrote in my biography that w uh when I was writing, I wrote female lead characters and scripts, and I got job uh uh production companies and studios and uh wanting to buy the script, but they wanted to change the leading character from a female to a male. And I turned them down, and a lot of my friends are going, You're crazy, what are you doing? You know, take you know, whatever. But I realized I would be more unhappy compromising on something like that than achieving, you know, I would I never made it quote unquote in Hollywood, but I I prefer that over looking at a movie that I wrote a female character and it's a guy in it for no real reason except that they were uncomfortable with a woman doing amazing things, you know. So you've got to be true to you, even though sometimes it's gonna hurt.

SPEAKER_01 7:21

Very true, very true, yeah. So, so uh, and also like um, I mean, you mentioned like doing the right thing as a core theme in your love novel. But like um when someone is facing a huge challenge, right? So um what makes it so hard to know that I mean what the right thing even is, like what gets in the way of uh that clarity.

Finding The Right Thing In Fear

SPEAKER_00 7:47

I um have a phrase that again, uh words that mean something negative, is that I'll say to people, I embrace my stupid. Uh and what I mean is is that the brain is helpful. The brain, you know, it analyzes whatever, but there's a point where you are no longer doing your only thinking. Um, or to me, vice versa, is that when you start to do, you know, for I'll go back to my writing, is that I'll think about it a bit, you know, and try to organize my thoughts and you know, the basic story structure or whatever. But when I physically am writing, I'm stupid. I I'm letting just, you know, the energies around me, whatever you the universe pour into me. And whether you're going for an Olympic gold or you're thinking deeply or whatever, there's a point where you just have to not think. And again, this is where other people will be throwing things at you. You should do this, you should do that. And you've got to hear your voice first and get rid of your brain. If that makes any sense.

SPEAKER_01 9:01

But uh I also want to ask, like, uh, I mean, when fear or doubt is very, very loud, is that something? I mean, is there something that can help someone reconnect with uh what actually matters to them in that moment?

SPEAKER_00 9:19

Yeah, I I yes. I forgive me for being re repetitive a bit, but yes, it's get out of your head. Because your head is the one saying, oh gee, I don't know, or or you're listening to other people saying, Oh, you know, you know, you shouldn't do that. And you've got to step away from that and just truly ask yourself, do I need to, you know, not what? Gee, that'd be fun. It'd be I need to do this. And if you need to do this, get rid of all those, just dive, you know, uh, because thinking, there's no if you see someone thinking, what are they doing? They're just sitting, and their brain might be working feverishly, but they're not doing anything. And self-doubt and double checking yourself and all that only works if you're not doing it. If you're doing it, you're too busy. You know, you're flying the plane. You don't have time to go. Should I be flying this plane? You're on the plane.

SPEAKER_01 10:19

You got no definitely it is, it is to pick the right as you said. So uh, and and I'll also ask you one more thing.

Daily Struggles And The Power Of Small Wins

SPEAKER_01 10:32

I mean, I definitely want to talk about the everyday part, right? Like um, most of us are not facing one giant obstacle, but we are dealing with a dozen smaller ones that pile up and feel just as overwhelming. So how does like what you explore in your novel um show up in those daily quite struggles?

SPEAKER_00 11:01

Those uh actually for me are harder. I I like the uh impossible, those are uh but the daily, I think again, it's back to if I'll I'll give you a great example. I you know I have a job and I'd rather be writing and I'd rather be doing more creative things. And one day I realized either embrace the job, do the very best you can, and enjoy the the challenges that are in that job, or quit because it's not fair to you or anybody else if you're sitting there miserable, you know. So, you know, look at the the broader picture. And I think that those little things, if you let yourself enjoy them, even I always spilled milk. Oh, that was funny, and and clean it up and move on. But I think you can fall into the trap that everything is important and everything uh you know will hinge on something. And instead of just I'm gonna wake up tomorrow or uh it'll all work out, you know, and a hundred years from now I won't remember any of this.

SPEAKER_01 12:09

So um, okay, and and uh like if someone is feeling buried by all these three things, uh what do you say? Like, what would be the one shift in perspective that might help them see their uh situations differently?

SPEAKER_00 12:32

That's difficult in the

Movement And Appreciation As Tools

SPEAKER_00 12:34

sense obviously every person has their own issues, but I I will go back to action. Is if you find you're sitting still and yeah uh you're you're you're on uh a precipice and you know, oh my gosh, I'm gonna fall off or whatever, and you freeze, that's almost as dangerous. So to me, and that I'm talking emotionally, I use it as an analogy, but just you get caught up so much in all this, just find one thing. It can be a small thing, you know. Uh clean your desk or or or your bed or vacuum or go out for a walk, jog, or play with your dog, something to break you out of the enormity that you are feeling. Because ultimately there is no enormity. You know, again, your heart's gonna beat, your your lungs are gonna work, as long as that happens, yeah, you know, move on. So I would take small bites of things and try to remember to enjoy it. Appreciation is a very powerful tool. Yeah, and uh even if you have to, you know, dredge, you know, I hey, I've got a car and someone else doesn't. I mean, it can be you know meaning menial, uh, but look at things that you've got that you would prefer to have, you know, even food, high media. Um so appreciation and movement would be my two suggestions, just in general.

SPEAKER_01 14:14

No, no, I totally totally uh agree with you uh on this, totally, totally. So um and obviously I mean it tells everything, um, like uh when we are overwhelmed, it's easy to think that we are um feeling at all of it, but recognizing that even small notice, I mean small voices actually matter, and uh that even one intentional step counts. So that can shift the whole feeling, right?

SPEAKER_00 14:48

So absolutely a movement movement's incredible. Um, you you're scared of falling, so you stand still. As soon as you step, you you change the dynamic immediately, even if you fall, but most of the time you're not gonna fall. You think you're gonna fall. But you know, walking is falling with you catch yourself. You know, if you move your leg, you're gonna fall on your face. So you that you've got to embrace that. And I think once you start that, it does shift the paradigm. It really can.

SPEAKER_01 15:21

Yeah. Exactly, exactly true. So uh yeah, I mean one more thing also I want to ask you about like uh see here's the here's the thing that nobody talks about enough, I feel. Um you take the step, you take pro you make progress, and then something knocks you back, right? So so how do your characters and uh how do you think real people handle setbacks without losing hope or kind of giving up entirely?

Handling Setbacks Without Losing Hope

SPEAKER_00 15:57

Actually, I I have discovered that's a running theme through my writing. Uh my latest book and the book before that are good examples of feeling overwhelmed. You know, I I do action so that usually it's you know, you're outnumbered and outgunned, and how are you move forward kind of thing? But the the setbacks, A, can be learning because uh, you know, if if forgive me, if you're fighting someone and you realize they're better than you and they knock you down, you can learn from that. Okay, what did they do, and what can I adjust? As you you've got to do it quickly because you're in the middle of a fight, but you know, you you can learn, and I think that's true with many setback. Um, and I don't know about you, but I don't think I've ever read anybody's biography who was successful that didn't fail, including Leon Elon Musk or you know, movie stars or whatever, they got rejected, they failed, they ran out of money. Um, you just again we're back to movement. Is you have a setback, you just kind of keep moving. You know, you fall off the mountain, you climb back up the mountain. I don't know. You know, there's no, you know, or again, if you find you don't need to anymore, you you know, that must that have to. If you don't have that, good, then you know, go do something else that's fun. There are some people who are driven to you know, conquer anything. They're they enjoy the life, they enjoy their family, they enjoy raising their you know, kids or whatever. That's fantastic. And those people are you know, all the power to them. But the people that you're kind of talking to, I think, are the people that have a goal or have some drive to be, if you will, more than where you're at right now. And for that, you you you just have to keep going and not get discouraged at the results, which is very difficult. But it if you're only looking at the results and not looking at the process, then you're gonna end up. Heck, you've you've heard stories that you know, Academy Award winners who are unhappy, you know, because they got there and oh, that's all there is. So you have to enjoy the process. You you you have to have that have to write, have to make a brick wall or whatever, and and enjoy the process, even if, or forgive me, but especially if it's hard. If it's easy, I find I I kind of go, okay, well, that happened, you know, where when I see a hill when I'm running, when I see a hill, I usually want to sprint it to see if I can sprint all the way up to the top, and I you know, but that is more fun and challenging than going, oh, that's a steep hill, let's see if I can walk around it. It's like, well, okay, but I'd rather see what I can do.

SPEAKER_01 18:56

I agree. I agree, Zach. So uh uh, so also like uh if I ask you to uh give one advice to the listeners today, um what you uh say.

Stop Letting Critics Define You

SPEAKER_00 19:13

Wow, that's hard. I I would I would say this uh there's a a saying of of consider the source. You know, if someone says something, uh consider the source. I would agree, I would, I would suggest doing the opposite of that. Do not consider the source, listen to whatever is said, weigh it. If it doesn't fit, throw it out. If it does fit, use it. Because the most distinguished professor of whatever can say something stupid, and a six-year-old can come up with some brilliant thing. So if you only consider the source, someone who's in power can hurt you, right? Because, oh, you'll never make it in this town. I've been a you know a director for a hundred years and you're terrible. And if because they're this big famous director, you go, Oh, I'll give up. No, you you can't do that. You you've got to hear your voice first and then absorb and learn from others, but don't let them. You talk about setbacks. The number one setback is someone walking up to you saying, You suck, and you buy it. You know, they're not investing, they're not, they're not gonna, you know, they they're not paying your bills, they're not doing anything, but that one sentence knocks you off your loop, and suddenly, you know, you're thinking, Oh, I I should give up. Hear your voice. And and again, be unreasonable. Well, I'll shred up.

How To Reach Zach And Final Takeaways

SPEAKER_01 20:45

Yeah, and uh, if the business wants to connect with you, how they can connect.

SPEAKER_00 20:50

Uh, I am not a social media person. Uh, I'd love to hear from anybody. It's simple. It's Zach Baldwin, Z-A-C-B-A-L-D-W-I-N at Hotmail. And then my books are available on uh uh Legend of Johnny Swan and Milk Runner on Amazon and I think Barnes and Noble and a couple other places. Um, and there's audiobooks as well.

SPEAKER_01 21:13

Amazing. I I I I am really happy that you're still using Hotmail because I uh I uh uh lost my the earlier uh hotmail password and all. And after that, I never been to Hotmail, but and it's great to hear someone who's still using Hotmill.

SPEAKER_00 21:34

It's I've I've used it seriously for 45 years now, but not Hotmail. And my prop my problem with social media is A, there's a technical side to it, I don't really want to, but it's a an investment of time where I'd rather write than you know being bombarded by all these you know tweets and twats and tworts and stuff.

SPEAKER_01 21:58

Yeah, I understand. No worries. So uh yeah, I mean there is not what I'll do is I'll put all the links, details, and everything into these show notes for your easy reference. And um, and there is like uh, you know, the right thing is not always the easy thing. And no, uh yeah, and and overcoming obstacles doesn't mean doing it perfectly or alone. So uh it's very, very important, and thank you so much, Zach, for uh uh sharing your perspective today. It is really, really helpful.

SPEAKER_00 22:27

Uh thank you very much for having me.

SPEAKER_01 22:29

Yeah, and and uh also listeners, like um, we spend so much of our uh lives waiting for the perfect moment, the clearer answer, the guarantee that it'll I mean all work out or everything. But truth is truth happens in the uncertainty, it happens when we take the the kind of imperfect step and we acknowledge the fear and move anyway. Yeah, like when when we let ourselves uh be uh human through the whole messy process. So you don't have to yeah, and then you don't have to have it all figured out, you just have to keep showing up, and that's it, right? Very much, yeah. So um, with this, uh thank you so much for being here, dear listeners. Uh, if you are listening or maybe you'll be listening later. Um, take care of yourself, and I'll see you in the next one. Thank you so much. Thank you.