When Confidence Suddenly Disappears

SPEAKER_00 0:06

You can be brilliant in a meeting of three, funny over dinner, sharp on a one-to-one call. And then someone asks you to stand up or switch your camera on in front of footy faces, and something in you goes quiet. Your throat tightens. Your hands find each other. You forget the thing you have been living and breathing for 10 years. We call it stage fright. As if it is about the stage. But I'm starting to think it is about something much older than that. Welcome back to Healthy Mind, Healthy Life. I'm your host Yusuf, and this is the space where we slow down and look honestly at the stuff that quietly shapes our inner life. My guest today is Rick Altman. A presentation consultant of more than two decades. Founder and host of the Presentation Summit, now in its 23rd season, and the author of several books on public communication, including his latest Crush Your Next Virtual Presentation. He has spent a career watching smart, capable people wrestle with what it means to be seed. And that is exactly what we are talking about today. So if you have ever felt that fear, if you have ever avoided the meeting, the camera, the mic, this one is for you. With that, I welcome my guest Rick to the show.

SPEAKER_01 1:34

Thank you, Yusuf. Pleasure to be here.

SPEAKER_00 1:38

Perfect. Rick, it is good to have you here,

Authenticity As The Secret Sauce

SPEAKER_00 1:41

but you know, before we go anywhere near the fear of it, I want to ask you something simpler. Across all these years of working with presenters, what is the one moment in the room or on the screen that still moves you? Like the one you never get tired of watching.

SPEAKER_01 2:01

Yeah. That's an easy answer. Uh, it's what I tell my clients is the secret sauce of presenting, and that is whether you can find your most genuine and authentic self. And um, that's what moves me as well, not coincidentally, when I am watching a presenter who is just really in her element, uh, somebody who has found his genuine voice. Uh, and you can just tell there's no scripts, uh, they're speaking directly from the heart, from their head, uh, straight to you. Uh, and it's just it's a wonderful moment when you get those. And they're not so common in uh corporate America today.

SPEAKER_00 2:56

You know, yeah, it is it is a real pleasure when you see a master at at their work. Yeah, certainly.

Preparation Without Sounding Scripted

SPEAKER_00 3:08

And and I want to start with something a lot of people believe quietly. They think that if they were just a little more confident, like a little more prepared, a little more experienced, the fear would go away. In your experience working with hundreds of presenters, is that actually true?

SPEAKER_01 3:29

Well, sure. Um, I I I think so. You you can never be too confident. You can be over-prepared. That does happen if somebody uh practices the wrong way and they like want to learn their lines as if they're an actor or an actress. And that could be problematic. Um, but if you prepare the right way, if you can, if you can see your your narrative in your head, if you if you have a roadmap where you don't need a script and you know what you want to say, and you have practiced it, uh then you will your confidence will will transfer to uh to the audience. They'll they'll feel it, they'll see it. Um, and I don't think you can ever be too confident.

SPEAKER_00 4:22

Yeah. And and for the person who's already experienced, already senior, already successful in their field, and it still feels that tightening in their chest before they speak. So what do you want them to hear? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:38

Well, I will start by saying that um I think being nervous is a good thing. Uh, if a client of mine says, Oh, oh, Rick, I'm I'm nervous, I say, good. I I want you to be nervous. I want this to matter to you. If they're too calm, I don't know, what does that mean? That this that this doesn't matter, it should always matter. So nerves are a good thing. The whole question is is how you channel all of that energy that's coursing through your body. I want that energy, and you just have to find a way to channel it positively.

SPEAKER_00 5:19

I think. And you know, I like uh that quote and uh that being nervous means something that you want want it to mean something, and that is true.

What Stage Fright Is Really About

SPEAKER_00 5:36

And Eric, I'm curious what is underneath the fear like when someone freezes before a talk or feels their dread before switching their their camera on. What do you think is really being triggered? Because on the surface it look looks like nerves, but I suspect it is something much older than a bad slide deck. You know, this stuff is hard.

SPEAKER_01 6:00

You know, if you think about it, you you you don't take storytelling classes in school. Very few people actually have a formal background in graphic design. And yeah, we're scared to death to speak in public. In fact, we're scared beyond death. Uh, in the in the latest, uh latest poll taken by uh the Book of Lists, public speaking ranks number one in in people's fears. Death ranks five. So we're scared beyond death to speak in public. So, I mean, the deck is really stacked against uh people who who do this. Um so uh so why why why is this, you know, there there is yes, there is that feeling that you're gonna lose your composure, that you're out there naked in front of your audience, as I like to say. And and um and and that that that fear is very real. And this all just gets back to preparation. This gets back to whether you have belief in in yourself and in what you are and and the story that you want to tell. Uh and yeah, there's always that moment uh before the camera comes on or before you are introduced on stage. And again, I I like that that level of energy. It it has to be channeled. Uh, otherwise, yeah, you you could, you know, the the worst fear is that somebody loses their composure and simply can't speak at all. And we don't want that.

SPEAKER_00 7:45

Yes. You know, there is something really humbling about that. So much of what we call stage fright is really an old part of us asking, am I safe here? Will I be accepted? And that shows up in surprising places.

SPEAKER_01 8:01

That's right. Yeah, you know, um it it um it helps to to think of two things. The first is that audiences are rooting for you. You know, uh uh not too many members of your audience are hoping for a train wreck. They're they're they're rooting for you. And the second thing is to know that is especially comforting for my clients and for my audience members is that audiences don't want perfect presenters. They're not looking for somebody to deliver a perfect presentation. They are looking for somebody that they feel is just like them. They're looking for somebody that they can relate to, they're looking for authenticity. And um I think it's kind of ironic, authenticity, I believe, is easier to achieve than perfection. You know, you think you could practice enough that it could be perfect, but rarely it's is being that polished, uh, rarely is that perfect. Um now I said earlier that you want to prepare, you know, that yes, you absolutely want to prepare, but if all you're doing is just practicing, like I said earlier, reading lines, um, that that's that's going to come off as usually as stiff, mechanical, and not authentic. Um, but the person that can relax, the person that can understand that I may say um a few times, I I may, you know, stumble and oh, let me say that again. I mean, that's audio that that can be endearing to audiences. They they they want that.

Why Virtual Presenting Feels Harder

SPEAKER_00 9:46

And let's bring this into everyday life because this isn't only about keynote speeches or big stages, it's it is about how we show up in Monday morning Zoom calls, in your raising hand, in being the one who speaks up in a meeting of seniors. So, how does this inner fear of being seen quietly shape people's careers and relationships, even when they don't call it public speaking?

SPEAKER_01 10:14

Oh, it's very much public speaking. You are in public and you are live, even if you're not in person. Um, in fact, virtual presenting uh is is even more challenging. You know, all the stuff I said earlier about storytelling and graphic design and using PowerPoint and all that, that that doesn't go away because you have to give a virtual presentation. All that stuff is still there. And then on top of that, you you add the demands of virtual, which most of us are still learning. You know, none of us knew any of this stuff before COVID. Uh, so that you know, we're we're all just we all had to figure it out. Uh and thank goodness there were some platforms like like Zoom and WebEx and all those other ones uh that we we really didn't pay much attention to until COVID. Um, but uh, you know, on top of all of that, you have to figure out how you can engage with an audience that you can't even see. And that starts with becoming comfortable with the camera lens. Journalists call it warming to the camera. Uh, and that's not easy to do. It takes, it takes most broadcast journalists years, maybe decades to truly master. And here we're being asked to become good at it in you know, in a space of a few months or so. So um that that's the first thing. Can you somehow feel as if you're just reaching into the souls of your audience just by looking into a camera lens? And it starts with some physical skills of of being able to make eye contact. Um, because you know, in a in a room full of people, you don't really need to make direct eye contact with people, but but here on virtual, you do. If you look just a little bit away from the camera, then they're gonna notice that. Now, I'm not saying you have to rivet your eyes to the camera, it's perfectly fine to you know look down. Maybe you have some notes that you're looking at, you know, to to look away while you're thinking about something. Those are all natural moves to make, and that's the key is to uh is is to be be natural in a very unnatural setting.

SPEAKER_00 12:41

Okay. You know, that's the piece I think people miss. The fear does not just live on the stage, it lives in the rooms we don't enter, the ideas we don't share, the versions of ourselves we quietly keep hidden.

SPEAKER_01 13:05

Yeah, that's right. And um that that's why I wrote a whole book on the subject, because um I think there's this whole new challenge out there. You know, Yusuf, I I might I might have retired if it weren't for this. COVID perhaps was a real silver lining for me because it introduced this whole secondary challenge for people that need to speak in public. And um and and there's there's a whole lot of people that uh that struggle with it.

SPEAKER_00 13:35

Yeah.

Stand Up, Slow Down, Use Energy

SPEAKER_00 13:37

So let's suppose someone listening right now and they are nodding along with us right now, feeling seen by everything we have said. They want to take a step forward. So, what is a practical human approach you'd give them? Not to eliminate the fear, but to stop letting it decide for them.

SPEAKER_01 14:00

That's a good question. Um and you know, this this gets back to age old principles. Uh, you know, there I I don't think that there's anything unique about virtual presenting that would change the way we want to deliver our messages uh to people. Uh we we we, as I said earlier, we want to deliver our messages in the most authentic way possible. And that means that you really understand uh the message that you're delivering and that you feel it and that you are able to somehow uh transfer that feeling to your audience. Um yes, virtual makes that more difficult uh because you know, you're like I said, you're staring into a camera lens, but um, but it doesn't make it any less important to be able to do that. Now, beyond that, then then there are a bunch of tangible physical things that um that that you can do. Uh, you know, first of all, we we are all we we've all learned that you are to sit down while you give a virtual presentation. Well, I I want to question that. And um then to anybody that that really wants to step outside the typical boundaries, get a second camera and and have it perched in a way where you can stand up as I'm going to do right now. Uh now I am standing up in my studio, even though you can't see me. But perhaps maybe you'll hear that there's a little more energy to my voice now that I'm seeing myself standing up. I'm actually gesturing more. Uh I now I have my microphone right next to me, so my audio is still very clear. But now I'm about seven or eight feet away from my camera, and that changes everything. Now it's almost as if I am in a ballroom speaking to a group of people. So that's one thing I would say is if you feel uncomfortable sitting down, don't. You can you can deliver webinars while you stand. And to many people, that actually would be liberating to do. It it also helps with nerves. When you stand up, you can use bigger muscles, you can gesture more that it's that that is often not natural uh when you are seated. And um, and so you know, these big upper body gestures, uh, audiences appreciate them. And uh it it consumes energy. It takes more energy to do that, and that's a good thing because as I mentioned, that's what nerves are. They're just a lot of energy going through your body. And um also when you use big muscles, that slows you down, uh, which is another key item of managing your nerves uh is to be able to control your pace. And as you uh as you gesture more, you you can slow down, you can vary the the pace. And these are all really good things. You know, as the world is going a million miles a minute and you're standing there in front of your audience or seated here virtually, the only thing you really have control over is the pace at which you speak. And if you can control that, then you if you can slow down your your speech pattern, you can have a pretty good chance of slowing down your entire body. And um, and that's that's big as as again, you are standing or seated in front of your audience, and the world seems to be going a million miles a minute.

SPEAKER_00 17:46

I see. Okay. And I love that you are separating presence from perfection because one is something we can actually build, and the other is something that keeps us small forever.

SPEAKER_01 18:06

That's right. Yeah, and these things they they build on one another and they have a symbiotic relationship. They they um yeah, uh staying with the physical, the the more you slow down, then the more you give yourself an opportunity to to gesture. Uh, and that indeed um takes more time still. Um now the other thing is most of us, you know, we just have a little camera on our laptop computers. If you can actually get a real camera uh like like the one that I'm looking into now, which shows my entire upper body, um the audiences really appreciate that also. They just get an eye, they get a better sense of you and where you are in your environment. Um, so uh a simple investment in a better camera and maybe having two of them so you can you can change the the feeling, it just doesn't feel like a zoom call any longer. And you kind of feel as if you are seated in a studio instead of just you know with the laptop on your uh next to you and you know staring into a little tiny peephole.

Where To Learn More And Final Push

SPEAKER_00 19:24

Rick, for people who want to connect with you or just want to learn more about your work, where can they do that?

SPEAKER_01 19:31

Uh the the the simplest uh URL, betterpresenting.com. That's my front door to my consulting practice, to the annual conference that I host, the Presentation Summit, uh, and to my latest book, Crush Your Next Virtual Presentation.

SPEAKER_00 19:52

Perfect. And to everyone listening, all these links are in the show notes, so just go and check those out. Rick, is there any last message that you want to leave us with?

SPEAKER_01 20:03

I'll just say it again. This stuff is hard, and a lot of people don't want to do it. And so if you can be thought of as the person in your organization who relishes this opportunity, then um you're you're going to be regarded uh in a very positive way. Um, because uh, you know, a whole lot of people don't want the ball when there's five seconds left in the game and you need to take that shot to win. If I can use a sports metaphor for all of this, and if you're the person in your organization that says, hey, give me the ball, then that's just gonna put you in a whole different light.

SPEAKER_00 20:46

Perfect. Rick, thank you so much for your honesty, for the decades of watching people closely, and for reminding us that being seen is not a skill problem. It's a human win.

SPEAKER_01 21:04

Pleasure is mine, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 21:07

And to you, the one listening. Maybe tonight you don't need to fix the fear. Maybe you just need to stop treating it like an enemy. Maybe the next time your voice shakes, you let it. Maybe the next time your camera feels cool, you soften anyway. This is you, sir, for healthy mind, healthy light. Breathe easy, speak gently, and come back when you need this again.