Stop Smoothing Yourself Out

SPEAKER_00 0:05

There's a world of success. We have all been sold. That says that we have to smooth ourselves out to get anywhere. To fit in, to sound like everyone else, to sell like everyone else. But what if the thing we were told to hide is actually the thing that we got building a business on? What if our weirdness, the part of us that didn't quite fit in the mold, was never the obstacle. What if we stop editing ourselves down and let the strange, specific, unmistakable paths lead us, even when we are carrying problems like depression and anxiety at the same time? Welcome

Why Success And Struggle Coexist

SPEAKER_00 0:49

to Healthy Mind, Healthy Life. I am Shimita and today we are talking about something that doesn't get said out loud enough. That mental health struggles at being success aren't opposites in nature, and that they are parts of us we are to tone down that might actually be where our real strength lives. And joining us tonight is Amber Petty. Amber, thank you for joining us tonight.

SPEAKER_01 1:17

Thank you so much for having me.

SPEAKER_00 1:20

And listeners, Amber is a writer, a self-described weird Margaret Evan based in Los Angeles, whose work has appeared in the New York Times, Bussel, IFC, and more. And she now helps creatives and weird girls of all genders get the attention, audience, and affluence that is. Amber, it's it's so great to have you here. I'm really looking forward to the conversation. No, I'm so excited. I love love sharing weirdness. Absolutely. So Amber, maybe I will start with that. So when um we talk about weirdness and the idea of being weird as a business strategy that might sound a little odd or something that we are not used to hearing. So, how do you think weirdness can come in building something real or maybe facilitate something real?

SPEAKER_01 2:20

So

What “Weird” Really Means

SPEAKER_01 2:21

when I talk about weirdness, I specifically mean not just like being wacky or crazy or just trying to be outside the box for no reason. That is just as inauthentic as everybody that tries to fit in, you know? But weirdness to me sparks that part of your brain that is creative, that's interesting, that naturally stood out. If you were a person that got made fun of at school or was told your ideas were too much, or all of that, all that means is that you naturally stand out without even trying. You stand out and get attention. Now, when we're younger, usually that attention is negative because people don't want something new. But on the internet, in business, in creating art or work or whatever you do, standing out and getting attention is the number one thing we want to do. In fact, everybody that told you to be quiet is now on the internet trying to get attention. So weirdness is just that most unique creative spark in you. And I like to use it instead of saying be yourself or be authentic, just because those terms have become so vague. And we've seen so many fake versions of authenticity that it's kind of it, it makes overthinking people even overthink that. Whereas if you're just thinking about, hey, what's something I'm gonna do to market my business? Uh, what's something I want to offer? Okay, like what's the weirdest way I could do it? Just as kind of a fun experiment. That just gets your creative mind thinking. It gets the part of you that made the work you do activate instead of activating the, oh, okay, I've got to, I better just like follow this formula and I better post more and whatever we get out of that thinking and into the stuff that made you good in the first place. Um, so yeah, so that's what I mean by weird, and everybody's weird looks totally different, and that's why it's so fun.

SPEAKER_00 4:27

Absolutely. And

Letting Personality Lead The Brand

SPEAKER_00 4:29

uh, Amber, when you first noticed that your oldness was something that you should be hiding. So, how did that moment actually look like for you?

SPEAKER_01 4:38

When I kind of stopped hiding my weirdness, um, so when I so growing up, you know, I was like a musical theater kid, and I uh I was, you know, I really wanted to bring the word shall back. I was like in second grade, trying to say we shall do things, all kinds of oddball stuff. Uh, and because of that, I often didn't have friends or people would make fun of me or all kinds of stuff, you know, classic, classic things. And then even as I got into, you know, the professional world, I was an actor at first. And even though acting is about expression and everything, I still felt like, well, yeah, but don't express yourself too much. You need to fit what the directors want. So I still kind of felt, you know, I can only be like 10%. Otherwise, I won't have friends, I won't get jobs, I won't be accepted. And so as I moved out of acting and I moved into writing and then later copywriting and things like that, eventually I started to see that online businesses run differently. Like you have way more leeway to do what you want. And so when I started this current business, my rule for myself was I get to just say whatever I want. Because otherwise, if I had to like put on a facade, if I had to try to be like professional in quotes, it was gonna be tedious. I wouldn't like it. And I knew I wouldn't have the wherewithal to keep going. So at the very least, I could have some fun with it. And so that didn't look like, whoa, I'm making crazy stuff. You know, like my class was freelance writing for creatives. But I would, I used like pinup photos that I had that were clothed. Um, but photos where, yeah, I look like an extra from the movie Grease, because that's how I dress sometimes. I would swear if I wanted to. I would uh reference The Simpsons and stuff like that. I just spoke very normally and to people in the tone I speak with people anyway. And that was the first time ever that I saw a real response that wasn't, oh, this is this is cool, maybe it's kind of the response I used to get. And now it was like, oh, I want this, I want to sign up for this. This seems helpful. I'm getting sales, all that stuff mattered. And every time in my business where I get away from that, where I do, still it happens. Start to think, well, but the real business people do this, so I better do it like that. It never works out, and it's twice as much work. And when I go back to, huh, what's the weirdest way I could do it? Like my last sales page, it's about a business mastermind for women. Uh, but I put little cartoon skeletons all over it because it just made me so happy. And like that page converted more than any other cold traffic page I've ever done. And it is very silly looking, but very me. So weird doesn't mean everybody has to put on cartoon skeletons uh and go that way. But just the fact of going, what actually sounds interesting, what actually feels fun as a way to invite people, it just works. And especially now that AI is letting people create so much more stuff, it's it's just making more of the same. So going into what is naturally uniquely you without even trying is less effort and it gets more attention and it gets more sales. And the little last part is yeah, what's hard about it is sometimes it's very scary. Sometimes people don't respond immediately, and you've got to sit like, nope, I trust this is right. But overall, it is just it's an easier way to do business, it's more interesting to you, and it makes your own business more sustainable because now the marketing and promotion part isn't just like, ugh, what blazer do I have to put on and what reel do I have to make? You know, it's not like, oh, what do I get to make? Oh, okay, I'll make. I had a client who wrote a sonnet because she was selling these like bespoke sonnets, and her whole sales page was a sonnet, and she sold 10 of them immediately, like the first time. So that's what weirdness in business brings. Yes, money, but also making it enjoyable again for you.

SPEAKER_00 9:26

Absolutely, and that's such a good way to look at it. Not just money, but the way it's enjoyable for you. I think that's that's the whole deal.

Building While Depressed And Anxious

SPEAKER_00 9:34

And um, Amber, since you you brought in the context of the business, so you build your business while also living with depression and anxiety. And I don't think people often uh talk enough about what's actually happening underneath that kind of a dual reality. So, what was really going on for you? I mean, beneath what people could see from the outside, what was happening with Vini, if you could just share.

SPEAKER_01 10:02

Oh, absolutely. So, I mean, I even like changed curves completely in my worst depressive episode uh when I started freelance writing. And with that, in that time when depression really hit me the worst when I was about 31, um, and before I went to therapy and all that stuff, that's where everything before then felt like it had to be huge. Like, unless I was writing a novel, making a screenplay, being in a movie, do like it felt like every goal I had had to be the biggest thing in the world. And then at that point I had no energy or belief I could do any of it. And so it did feel just impossible, you know, just that feeling of where it's not, you know, it isn't procrastination. It's not self-I mean, it's I guess your brain might be sabotaging you by accident, but it's not self-sabotage, it's not procrastination. It's not like you don't want it enough. It's like you can't. Sometimes with those moments, for me at least, with depression, you can't do it. Like every part of you wants to do something, and something is absolutely stopping you. And so starting that career and then having, I didn't, I haven't had as bad of moments lately, uh, because of medication and therapy, but like those moments still come back. So what I found through that, again, therapy first, not work, but uh it started to be like, what are the things I can do? It's like in some ways I didn't have the energy to be a perfectionist anymore. And finding any of the things I could do that, even just outside of making something, making money, whatever, just to relieve that horrible feeling of I know I want to be doing something, I know I have more, and I'm just here wasting it. Like, no rejection has ever felt as bad as that feeling. So that's when I started to find, okay, hey, well, there's actually freelance writing where you can just kind of write an article and it's short, it doesn't need to be perfect. And I moved into that. And then with my business, similarly, I just went in with like this duh, this, it's gonna look how it looks. So I'll make sure that people get what they're promised. I'll make sure um, you know, that I show up excited or, you know, listening, doing all that stuff. Uh, I'll try to make everything as clear as I can. And then other than that, it's just gonna be what it is. So that's gonna be some messed up websites sometimes. That's gonna be some really low effort graphics. That's gonna be, oh, but I wanted to add this and this and this and this. Nope. It's just gonna be this. And then what was funny is especially at the beginning, where I was like, oh, I'm not gonna look professional enough, like this. Oh, how are people gonna even trust me? Blah, blah, blah. Like, nobody cared about any of those things. Because even when I was doing what I thought was like, oh my God, just barely anything, was still so much more than usually what people were used to getting. Because that perfectionistic, anxiety-ridden part of me pushes so far to the point where it's not even helpful to the clients. They didn't care if they got 10 worksheets, you know, they got one worksheet instead of 10. They didn't care that it didn't also have, you know, a coffee mug design to go with. Like none of that mattered. But my brain used to say, if you cannot do it at that level, then it's not worth doing at all. And so, really forcing myself, and I did this by giving myself tighter deadlines. So

Deadlines Over Perfectionism

SPEAKER_01 13:59

I would go, okay, I'm doing the live workshop. I'll sell at the end of the workshop. That live workshop is two weeks from now. So there we go. Whatever happens is gonna happen. I can't mess around with it too much because it's going live that day. Um, and I found, yeah, that hey, what I think is appropriate, what I think is necessary isn't always necessary. So that allowed things to be easier. Um, and just also it's so easy in these times to assume the assumption everybody's gonna have a problem with you feels so real of just everybody's gonna want a refund. Oh, but they're gonna have a problem with this. Oh, but they're gonna have a problem with this. It doesn't even feel like a negative thought. Sometimes it just feels like reality in your mind. If you have that persuasion. And uh, and by actually just even when you're scared or it even feels not a hundred percent, just putting it out there to actually see, hey, that's not what anybody said. That's not what happened. Actually, people it just helps retrain it so it can feel really opposite of like, okay, so if you're depressed and anxious, do more. And I'm not saying that in front of a hustly way, like work hard all the time. No. But try to just for me, what's worked the best is just shrinking down the time I have to worry. So I have an idea, something I like. I trust that initial excitement and make some plan to do it. And then when the inevitable, actually, this is horrible kind of stuff comes around. I know, all right, just one foot in front of the other just to get there. Cause as soon as I try it, that's the only time I actually know. Uh, and the last little bit is just like the biggest thing I found is just I don't have the same energy every day. I don't know if it's because of my depression and anxiety. I don't know, who knows? But I don't. And I do find that tends to be true with people with depression and anxiety. And there is so much out there to tell you, but just time block and just do this and just do this every day and just wake up at this time and just that it does sometimes feel like, well, then I'm cannot cut out for this. I can't do it. And that is just the opposite of the truth. My clients that have had depression, anxiety, even chronic illness, half the times are the ones that actually work the most and do the, not even work the most, sorry, but like do the best because they've learned how to work with their energy. They have a ton of desire. Doesn't actually matter if you show up every day the same way. It doesn't matter if you post every day a million times a day. What actually matters is you show up consistency that works for you, and you're reaching out to people and you're telling them you sell something. And the pace of that can be different day to day. But if you're doing that stuff, that's all that matters. And a lot of the people we see online remember, you know, I forget it too. It's like we're not seeing the whole thing. Um, we're not seeing their whole stuff. And some of them are great and totally truthful and live wonderful lives. And then some people are maybe making a lot of money and then losing their minds because it's all super overwhelming, which I've seen many times happen to people. So if you ever think you're not cut out for it because you have anxiety and depression, of course, have your stuff managed as much as you can and seek help and all that, of course. I don't want to negate that, but like, of course, you can. There are people doing things differently all the time. We're just not seeing them as much right now.

SPEAKER_00 17:53

Absolutely. That's that's such a good frame. And I think that's that's how we should be looking at it. And the way you put it, thank you so much, Amber. And uh, Amber, if there's any one message or approach, anything that you would like to address to our listeners before we wrap this up for today.

Trust The Weird Ideas

SPEAKER_01 18:13

Yeah, I mean, one, trust yourself and trust your creativity. Because I'm talking to if you're like, I'm not creative at all, I'd be surprised you're listening to this. But trust your ideas and trust your creativity. And honestly, trust the ideas that do feel a little bit weird, a little bit out there. Because that's how anything interesting got started. And actually talking a lot about therapy today, but my therapist said this to me this week, even, and it helped me so much. She was just like, every idea just started from somebody going, Hey, what about this? That's how the iPad started. That's how Disneyland was made. That's every massive idea, big and small, novel corporation, million-dollar business, home business that you absolutely love. It all does just start from, hey, what about this? And just having that little tiny piece of wherewithal to go, you know what, yeah. Even though it feels a little weird, that's probably even a better sign that it's more necessary. So trust yourself and go at your own pace, but don't let those ideas go.

SPEAKER_00 19:27

Absolutely. And this is something to definitely keep an online to trust our piece, but not to let the ideas slowly across us. Yeah. Thank you so much, Amber. Thank you. Amber and if any of our listeners want to connect with you, where do you suggest they find you?

Where To Find Amber

SPEAKER_01 19:47

Uh, you can find me on Instagram at Amber NPetty. Uh, also, I've got a free class that I think is fun. It's about taking your um, taking what people made fun of you for and turning it into part of your business. So it's called revenue revenge. Uh, but it's a short workshop, it's free, and it's all about examples of how me and my clients have literally taken things we used to get make fun of for and turned them into ways to run our business or things that help our business. So it's fun uh and that's free. So you can get that at amberpetty.com slash revenge.

SPEAKER_00 20:23

Absolutely. I would definitely recommend our listeners to please go have a look. I really like the catchy tone. It has uh revenue revenge. And I would suggest our listeners, please, I'm sure it will be of much help, go check it out. And thank so much people for having this conversation and bringing so much honesty into it. And uh before we wrap up, to all our listeners, if this conversation felt like we were speaking directly to you, sit with that for a second before we move on to whatever's next, because you don't have to smooth yourselves out to the worth listening to. You need to keep your pace, but again, I should mention, do not let your ideas go away in the process. Thank you for spending this time with us on Helping Mind Help They Line. Take care of your mind, and I'll meet you in the next episode.