Busy Versus Actually Growing

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Have you ever looked back at the last year and thought, I've been really busy, but uh have I actually grown? Because those aren't always the same thing. We spend so much of our lives chasing the next goal, the next promotion, the next milestone, believing that once we get there, we'll somehow become a better version of ourselves. But personal growth doesn't usually happen in the big moments. It happens in the quiet choices nobody else sees, the conversations we handle differently, the habits we slowly let go of, the moments we choose to respond instead of react. So today we're talking about what personal growth really looks like. Not the version we see on social media, but the one that happens in real life.

Meeting Ben And Setting The Frame

SPEAKER_00 1:08

Joining me today is Ben Barbick, someone who's passionate about helping people understand that growth isn't about becoming someone new, it's about becoming more intentional with the life you're already living. Welcome to the show, Ben. Thank you. I'm happy to be here. Let's start with this question. Ben, I think a lot of people imagine personal growth as this constant climb where every month we're supposed to be a better version of ourselves. But real life doesn't really work that way, does it? That's right. That's right. And what's the biggest misconception people have about what growth actually looks like?

SPEAKER_01 1:51

Well, I think that it's a straight line. I mean, I think that growth is is never a straight line. And so um the commitment is what I would say is a straight line. So as as we veer to the left and the right, as life hits us, uh, where we're focused on is let's take the climb as an example. We're focused on, let's say, the mountaintop or the continuous climb even. But as it veers left and right and these obstacles come up, these are part of it. And we should embrace them and understand the value that they possess. Um, because uh a true A to B line is is never what life gives us. So the expectation that um things will arise that uh create challenges um in a way, I think it's good to embrace that.

SPEAKER_00 2:34

Well, I think that that is really reassuring. Maybe growth isn't measured by how much our life changes, maybe it's measured by how differently we respond to the same situations. Uh so many people genuinely want to change, uh, but somehow they keep ending up in the same habits, the same relationships, the same thought patterns.

Why Growth Is Not A Straight Line

SPEAKER_00 2:55

Why do you think that happens?

SPEAKER_01 2:58

I think we have to get introspective and really look at what is it that we're arriving in that same situation, right? I think there's a lesson that can potentially be learned about why do I keep entering this same place? What is it? Is it is it comfortability? Is comfortability bringing me to this place? And I think that um if that's the case, then we need to be aware of our comfortability, is maybe with something that's not good for us, right? And that and that is um self-destructive, if you will. So I think it's important to first understand um when we're with defaulting to habits um that are that are hard-worn paths that that no longer are relevant to us or maybe never even were in the first place.

SPEAKER_00 3:40

Right, right. Once someone recognizes they're stuck in one of those patterns, what's a simple four step that doesn't feel overwhelming?

SPEAKER_01 3:50

Yeah, I I think um without getting specific on this, I think it's a small micro changes that you can make within something. You know, it's not we're not looking for massive change. Uh that's that's actually the worst thing, I think, at the beginning, especially to do. And you just take small habits. So if it's if we're talking about eating, well, maybe you take it very small and say, for breakfast, I'm gonna now approach this in a certain way. And and or I'm I'm drinking too much soda. So, okay, so I'm going from 10, I'm gonna, I'm gonna take that down to something that I'm willing to commit to to proceed forward. And I think that that's important because slowly as you adapt, you become ready for the next level of it. And so the same philosophy I take for life is you know, you don't you don't start playing guitar and and expect to play three hours at once because you'll you'll get calluses, you'll bleed, and your fingers and your body can't handle that. So you you have to you have to warm up to it um and embrace that that pursuit. Um and again, starting with the subtlest of moves that you're willing to do, you know, I think it's important to also look within ourselves to what am I actually willing to commit to versus what I want to commit to? Because if it's too big, then two, three, three days in, you could run into a situation where, like, oh, I can't, I don't want to do that on day three. So it, you know, some allowing yourself the space to be as small as it needs to be to activate within the self.

SPEAKER_00 5:19

Wow. Yeah. So the smallest steps they make big differences, is what people really need to know. And they just probably need to start, they need to start from somewhere. And that's that's you know, very, very, very rightly put. Uh now some let's bring this into everyday life. If someone is genuinely growing as a person, what does that actually look like on a normal Tuesday, not during a life-changing moment, just during an ordinary day?

The Real Reason We Repeat Patterns

SPEAKER_01 5:51

Well, I I think it it it instantly brings a little bit more satisfaction to your day. So when you're going through a day, let's say it's chaotic, let's say you have challenges within the day. Um, but let's say you took five minutes to read in the morning, and that reading now sticks with you through the day. So now on your typical Tuesday, your day has now been slightly enhanced by this new activity that gave you this new motivation uh and to go through your day. Same could be said for exercise or something like that. Or uh you can fill in that with a bunch of different categories, but I I it really I think that's where the growth and improvements shine the best is in normal days, because that's that's where we have to make the decisions that we carry on for our life, is in normal days. It's not special days, not perfect days, not the weekend where where you're cleared out, but in your in your day-to-day activities, are you able to uh align with with some of these concepts that can bring you forward and and bring I wouldn't even say joy to your day and something because because joy joy in the sense of something you look forward to doing in every day. You know, allow yourself the space to to have some element that you start to really enjoy and almost crave for your day. Okay, I have a tough day, but I have that moment waiting for me, or I'm starting the day with that moment, or when I'm going to bed. I know in the morning I'm gonna give myself 10 minutes to sit and read and drink coffee or meditate, um, or or all of them, you know. Let's let's say the depending on the person, you could you can add in a whole stack of them that um that become something you look forward to.

SPEAKER_00 7:37

That's what makes growth feel real. It's not about changing who we are, it's about changing how we show up in the moments that quietly shape our lives. Very well put for sure. Thank you so much, Ben, about that. For someone who uh listening who's thinking, I know I need to grow, but I honestly don't know where to begin. Like, like you've already mentioned that you know, probably or sitting and starting with a chapter or reading starting by reading a chapter every day is probably when you bring in a habit. So is that the only habit or is there a certain habit or mindset

Micro Changes That Feel Doable

SPEAKER_00 8:10

you'd encourage them to start with?

SPEAKER_01 8:13

Yeah, I I think the the fundamental building block of this is being curious what potential lies within, you know. Okay. And the second that you you think, okay, I'm I'm I'm I'm I wonder what potential is within me if I did two minutes of meditation every day. What what could that give me? You know, and then and then allowing yourself that, like, like I would say almost giving yourself permission for that and thinking, I want to, I want self-care, I want to, I want to treat myself better because I deserve it. I think that really is what a lot of this is, is oh no, I I actually deserve to be treating myself better, you know, and and and and looking at that. I think for me, that was one of the big eye-opening moments, is when I thought, I I'm not treating myself the way that I should treat myself. I'm I'm actually negatively, you know, applying all of these habits on a daily basis when, in fact, why do I think I deserve that? So I I think one of the key building blocks is when you think that I deserve this uh nurturing of the self through these activities. And and so when when that mind state shifts to that, I think it then allows um multiple categories, and you can look for which one um brings the most value to you. Like which I would start with ones that actually really excite you in some way, right? Some some it could and I'm gonna I'm gonna just throw out a few that because it it it to me it's irrelevant which one of these you pick because it's more about what that's gonna do and the snowball effect of that that occurs in life when you do this. And then you you can stack on more because you start to really say, wow, I did stretching for five minutes in the morning and I felt great, or or I did meditation, or I read, or I wrote, or I journaled, you know, or I wrote uh poems and poetry, or you know, and and so any of these is where I would say to start. I don't, I think it needs to be customary to what people feel a little inner pull from. So maybe something from their past that they remembered and then they liked, maybe they just explore, try a few and see which one aligns. But I think there has to be the internal motivation, I think, really stems from believing that we deserve these uh growth, the growth mentality for our own lives, you know, on a on a very internal level.

SPEAKER_00 10:43

Certainly, certainly. Uh people tend to, you know, they w they definitely pick up an activity. They they'll I I've seen a lot of people around me as well. They they would want to uh they're looking at growth in a certain

A Normal Tuesday That Shows Growth

SPEAKER_00 10:55

way. They want to start with something they probably have as well, but they tend to get frustrated way too easily, you know. Now, uh when they get frustrated, they tend to give up on it. Because of course they feel that I don't see any growth in whatever activities I'm moving on with. What is it that that that specific person needs to do in order to s keep moving on and understand that growth is probably a process and yeah. Yeah, and I go ahead. Sorry. Yeah. So I was just asking what what is that process? Well, how uh does a person understand and probably try and keep that calmness while of course that person is frustrated? But what would you suggest to this person?

SPEAKER_01 11:37

Yeah, I would say the growth is probably there, but it's it's more subtle than they're expecting. I I think that that's really the key. If you sit down and you lift a weight and you lift a weight for a week and then two weeks, it it's very subtle. Your your strength gains, but your body is improving, and it might not be enough that you notice, but if you were to chart it from day one to day 30, it's there. The same, the same application for meditation. You sit down and you try and clear the mind and still the mind. You might think you're not progressing in a week or two, but in actuality, it's just like a muscle. Your brain is working through it, getting better at it constantly. So I wouldn't be you know too self-critical on that because the growth, I would say, uh the growth is there. I have yet to see where the growth isn't there if if you continue with the pursuit. And it's just a reorganizing what your expectation is and how quickly that growth occurs. I I think that's one of the key points here, is it's not I'm gonna sit down for a minute and all of a sudden I'm in complete stillness for an hour, you know, and and that type of thing. It's like let it let the process be what the process is, you know, and and it will develop. And if you have patience with it, um you can make small tweaks along the way as well. But it's it's it's it's definitely uh I'm kind of redundant in this, but it's it's reducing the expectation, I think is is one of the value pieces of it.

SPEAKER_00 13:06

I think we forget that every new skill feels uncomfortable before it

Curiosity And Believing You Deserve Care

SPEAKER_00 13:10

feels natural. At first, every everybody feels a bit uncomfortable. Um, and why should personal growth be any different, to be honest? You know, that's right. So now no matter how much progress we make, there are always days when we slip back into old habits. We lose our patient, we procrastinate, we doubt ourselves. How do we stop those moments from convincing us that we have failed?

SPEAKER_01 13:34

Yeah, well, to just know that that's natural. You know, these moments are natural, and these moments um of of dips and sliding off path are part of everyone's experience with this. You know, uh I don't think anyone goes without those moments. And it's it's not a failure. It's sometimes those moments actually give more motivation after they happen. So, you know, let's say you did uh, let's just use meditation again. You did meditation practice for three weeks and you took four days off, and now you realize that, wow, that really did help me. And you now are, okay, now then I did it again. I I'm now more motivated to keep that going. And so there's motivation in that, and you have to allow yourself um that as well, because we never want to dip into uh an obsession thing. I think once something becomes an obsession is where it crosses the line. And so uh allowing that little bit of give is is absolutely important.

SPEAKER_00 14:31

Of course, for sure. Now a lot of people are competitive in today's time, of course. They uh, you know, most of the decisions that everybody out there they're making in their life, they're based on uh they they they need stats, they need uh uh, you know, they they need uh it to work out and they need to assess it based on the comparison and everything. So what they generally do is they look at the past and they compare it to the present, and then they of course procrastinate and think about the future. And sometimes they think that probably I was better off the way I was before, you know, probably a lazy-minded person, a person who who is chilling and life is all right, you know. I don't need this. Do you have a certain uh idea for this very with this section of people, uh, you know, as to how they need to know that the past was actually is not the reality anymore, and they should actually stick to what they're doing right now and they will land somewhere for sure. Any certain idea that you probably can share with our listeners wherein

Frustration, Subtle Progress, And Patience

SPEAKER_00 15:40

they don't just go back to the past because it was easy, they've seen it already.

SPEAKER_01 15:44

Right. Well, I think sometimes um we look at our past through rose-colored glasses in some ways, you know, and we forget the other aspect of it. You know, it it might have been easier, but it was also a lot harder in other ways. And so remembering the totality of it is important. Right. Not to not just say, okay, I I wasn't having to work as hard, um, but but to look at, I'm gonna speak for myself because I I don't ever want to assume anything with anyone, but you know, the void of purpose in an easier life is what is significantly revealed for me. And so when we start accumulating things that give us more of that sense of purpose, I believe this is what us as humans uh crave in this in this world is is that sense of purpose. And so I don't think easier is actually easier. I think easier is where um forms of resentment or you know regret can potentially lurk. And so um that's the that's the pieces that I think are critical to address when you're talking about a past that was maybe easier, um, because yes, it was in fact easier from a you know a load of what I'm trying to accomplish, or but it was much harder in a in a personal well-being perspective. So uh that's the trade-off.

SPEAKER_00 17:14

For sure, I'm sure that our listeners are getting inspired listening to everything that you've said so far. And you know, it it's something that people can reflect upon as and when they want to take a step ahead. And I personally believe, uh, after listening to everything that you said, that what is the most important thing is for everybody to at least start from somewhere. Because the beginning is what is of the utmost importance right now, you know, and not to not to procrastinate, this may not go well, this may not go right, because of course you cannot um you know you

Slips, Comparison, And The Pull Of The Past

SPEAKER_00 17:50

can just not know what's gonna happen in the future. Um, but thank you so much, uh Ben, for sharing all these insights with our listeners and for joining us and sharing your sharing sharing your perspective today with all of us. Um before we wrap up, where can our listeners connect with you and learn more about your work?

SPEAKER_01 18:09

Yeah, absolutely. Um so you can go to my website, risingclimb.com. So it's rise with an endclimb.com. You can go to Amazon or anywhere that sells books and buy my book, my audiobook. Um, and uh my music's available on all streaming services. So within that, um, you'll get a pretty good grasp of who I am. And through the podcast, obviously, you get uh another flavor of of the packaging. So um, yeah, please, please do and you know don't hesitate to reach out um if you've read the book or the audiobook or listen to the music. I I'd love to hear from people. It's it's it's why I do this is to connect with people on these topics.

SPEAKER_00 18:47

Amazing, I'm amazing. Right after the session, I'm definitely gonna hop on and listen to your music first because I also happen to be a musician, so I love uh listening to exploring new music for sure. And then, you know, for sure, um going ahead and uh uh looking forward to reading your book as

Where To Connect And One Key Question

SPEAKER_00 19:05

well. Uh once again, uh so so glad that you became a part of this. Before we end up, uh I would like to share something uh with our listeners. You don't have to become a completely different person overnight, you don't need to have your life perfectly figured out. Real growth is often invisible. It's choosing patience over anger, curiosity over certainty, progress over perfection. So this week, uh don't focus on changing your entire life. Just ask yourself one simple question what's one thing I can do today that the old version of me wouldn't have done? That one small choice might be the beginning of something much bigger than you realize. Thank you for joining us on Healthy Mind, Healthy Life. Until next time, take care of your mind and keep growing one step at a time.