Calm Parenting During Meltdowns: Regulate First With Dr. Michal Regev

You know that moment when your child is in full meltdown mode and you can feel your whole body tighten? Your jaw clenches, and your voice starts rising to match theirs. We tell ourselves to stay calm and be the adult. But sometimes the hardest part is not what is happening with your child. It is what is happening inside you. In this episode of Healthy Mind, Healthy Life, host Sreemedha talks with Dr. Michal Regev, a registered psychologist and marriage and family therapist, about steadying yourself so hard moments can end in connection instead of shame.

Dr. Regev explains why a child’s meltdown can feel like an alarm in a parent’s body, why children are so sensitive to the mood and conflict around them, and how co-regulation helps a child learn to calm down. She shares a scene from a pumpkin patch with her grandchildren, why self-care is the responsible thing to do, and her new children’s book, Anjulie’s Worst Day Ever, about a girl whose picnic is rained out.

About the Guest:

Dr. Michal Regev is a registered psychologist and registered marriage and family therapist in Vancouver, British Columbia, with a private practice for individuals, couples, and families. She has worked for many years with the Reproductive Mental Health Program at BC Women’s Hospital, supporting parents through pregnancy and postpartum, and has served as a court-appointed expert in family law matters. She is also a mother and grandmother and the author of the children’s book Anjulie’s Worst Day Ever. Dr. Regev shares from her own experience and perspective, and her views here are not clinical advice.

Key Takeaways:

• A child’s meltdown can sound like an alarm, and Dr. Regev explains that it is meant to. Parents can feel the same rush of stress in their body, even though they know the situation is safe.
• Children depend on adults, so they are very sensitive to the mood and conflict around them. Dr. Regev notes that tension at home can show up as tantrums, sleep trouble, or worry.
• Co-regulation means lending a child your calmer nervous system. Children’s brains are still developing the part that helps them calm down and keep perspective.
• A low voice, slow words, a gentle touch, and a short explanation can help more than a lot of talking.
• Over time, repeated co-regulation helps a child learn to self-regulate.
• Dr. Regev suggests seeing a tantrum as how a child’s brain works under stress, not as bad behavior or a difficult child.
• Hunger, tiredness, and overstimulation can trigger meltdowns even in a lovely place, like a pumpkin patch. It is not ingratitude.
• Regulating yourself first is not selfish. Like the oxygen mask on an airplane, self-care is the responsible thing to do when others depend on you.
• Take a breath, inhale, exhale slowly, ground yourself, and remind yourself that your child is not doing this to make your life hard.
• Understanding what is happening in your body is the first step in working with stress, anxiety, and panic.

Connect With Dr. Michal Regev:

Website: www.dr-michal-regev-psych.com
Book: Anjulie’s Worst Day Ever
Online program: a self-paced program for overcoming anxiety and panic attacks, available through her website

Episode Chapters:

00:00 When Your Child Melts Down and You Feel It Too
00:48 Welcome and Meet Dr. Michal Regev
02:00 Anjulie’s Worst Day Ever
03:48 What a Meltdown Triggers in the Parent
06:49 How Parent Conflict Lands on Children
09:08 Using the Book as a Tool for Repair
09:38 Co-Regulation and the Pumpkin Patch
15:02 Why Regulating Yourself First Is Not Selfish
17:08 Where to Find Dr. Regev
18:25 A Gentle Closing Thought

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