24 hours ago

28 min

The Science of Bonding With Your Baby With Marie Derome

Listen on:

In this episode of Healthy Mind, Healthy Life, host Niharika talks with psychoanalytic child and adolescent psychotherapist Marie Derome about one of the most common and least discussed parenting myths: the idea that love for a new baby should arrive instantly and completely. Marie, a former BBC World Service correspondent and author of What Your Baby Wants You to Know, explains why bonding is a two-way relationship that takes time to build, much like falling in love with a partner, and why ordinary ambivalence toward a baby, finding them boring or demanding at times, is a healthy, normal part of that relationship rather than a sign of failure.

The conversation moves into what happens when bonding is harder than ordinary ambivalence, particularly after a traumatic birth, using Marie's metaphor of leaving the hospital with a new baby and a new pair of glasses whose lenses are shaped by our own history. She and Niharika also get into the neuroscience of the first two years of life, why early repeated interactions build a literal sense of safety in a baby's developing brain, and how parenting a baby often means re-parenting one's own inner child at the same time.

About the Guest:
Marie Derome is a psychoanalytic child and adolescent psychotherapist with over twenty years of clinical experience and a former BBC World Service correspondent. She is the author of What Your Baby Wants You to Know: The Art and Science of Bonding with Your Child, and works online with parents around the world on bonding and attachment.

Key Takeaways:

  • The idea that love for a baby should be instant and constant is a myth. Bonding is a two-way relationship that takes time, interaction, and getting to know each other, much like falling in love with a partner.
  • Ordinary ambivalence toward a baby, finding them boring, demanding, or annoying at times, is healthy and normal. The important thing is being able to move between loving and frustrated feelings rather than getting stuck in either one.
  • A difficult or traumatic birth can distort how a parent perceives their baby's cries, sometimes hearing accusation or failure instead of a simple need for closeness, which changes how warmly they are able to respond.
  • The first two years of life are a critical window because the brain is highly plastic then, and repeated small interactions, like smiling and responding to a baby, build the neural pathways for a lasting sense of safety.
  • Parenting can be reparative. By caring for a real baby, a parent is often also caring for their own inner child, especially when their own childhood experience of being parented was difficult.
  • A few sessions of psychotherapy focused specifically on a difficult birth experience can meaningfully shift how a parent sees and responds to their baby, even when the underlying bonding struggle feels entrenched.

Connect With Marie Derome:

Episode Chapters:
00:00 - Cold open: the quiet, bewildering moments parents don't talk about
00:46 - Welcome to Healthy Mind, Healthy Life and introducing Marie Derome
02:03 - Debunking the myth of instant, 24/7 love for a new baby
06:43 - Why ordinary ambivalence toward your baby is healthy, not a failure
13:14 - The glasses metaphor: how birth trauma distorts how we see our baby
19:06 - Why the first two years are a critical window for brain development
34:38 - Parenting as re-parenting your own inner child
36:05 - How to connect with Marie Derome and her book

 

Want to be a guest on Healthy Mind, Healthy Life? DM on PM - Send me a message on PodMatch
DM Me Here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/avik

Disclaimer: This episode is produced for educational and informational purposes only. All views expressed by the guest are their personal opinions alone and do not represent the views of the host or Healthy Mind by Avik™. The Network does not verify, endorse, or assume responsibility for any guest statements. Nothing in this episode constitutes medical, legal, financial, or professional advice, please consult a qualified professional before making any decisions. Listeners are encouraged to engage critically and independently with all content do not consume blindly. Use this content as a starting point for your own reflection and research, not as a substitute for professional guidance. Third-party content is referenced under fair use for informational purposes only. Guest speakers are solely responsible for their own statements.

If you have concerns about any content, please contact us here

By listening, you acknowledge and accept this disclaimer in full. Read detailed disclaimer here.

Healthy Mind By Avik™️ is a global platform redefining mental health as a necessity, not a luxury. Born during the pandemic, it's become a sanctuary for healing, growth, and mindful living. Hosted by Avik Chakraborty, storyteller, survivor, and wellness advocate.

With over 6500+ episodes and 200K+ global listeners, we unite voices, break stigma, and build a world where every story matters.
👉 Subscribe and be part of this healing journey.

Contact:
💼 Brand: Healthy Mind By Avik™
📧 Email: https://www.podhub.club/contact
🌐 Website: https://www.podhub.club
📍 Based in: India & USA

🎧 Listen to all podcast shows: https://www.podhub.club/podcastnetwork
🤝 Be a guest: https://www.podhub.club/beaguest
📩 Newsletter: https://healthymindbyavik.substack.com/

 

#podmatch #healthymindbyavik #podhub.club #healthymindhealthylife #mariederome #babybonding #newparentmentalhealth #mentalhealthpodcast #healingjourney #birthtrauma #parentchildbond #attachmentparenting #childpsychotherapy #postpartummentalhealth #innerchildhealing

Comment (0)

No comments yet. Be the first to say something!