Healthy Mind, Healthy Life

Most of us are not unhappy. We are postponed. We have quietly agreed with ourselves that joy is something we will get to. After this project. After this season. After we have earned it. And then one day we look up, the years have moved, and the happiness is still waiting in some future room we never quite walked into.

Yusuf sits down with Ulrika Torquato, a former doctor turned opera singer now studying palliative care psychology, to ask a question most of us live inside but rarely say out loud. Why are we waiting to be happy? They cover where the rule of "earning happiness" comes from, why big life changes do not deliver what we hoped, what everyday joy actually looks like, and the lesson Ulrika has learned from sitting with people at the end of their lives about what they wish they had noticed sooner.

About the Guest:

Ulrika Torquato lives in Switzerland and brings a rare lived breadth to this work. She trained and practised in medicine, then followed a different calling and studied and performed opera as a soprano, and is now pursuing post-graduate work in the psychology of palliative care. Her current focus is on how we delay our own joy, what people regret at the end of their lives, and how something as small as noticing the birds outside the window can return us to a life we already have. She is the creator of a free app called Joyring, designed to help people gently notice and collect small moments of joy.

Key Takeaways:

• Most of us are not unhappy. We are postponing. Joy is something we have quietly agreed to defer until we have earned it.
• The rule that happiness must be earned is something most of us absorbed as children. We did not choose it. Recognising that is the first shift.
• Big life changes — the move, the divorce, the promotion, the achievement — bring change but rarely deliver the happiness we attached to them.
• Real happiness is not constant positivity. It is presence. The willingness to sit with what is here, even on hard days, and notice the small good things that are still present.
• This is not toxic positivity. Bad things are bad. Feel them. But notice the good coffee, the bird singing, the small thing your day still gave you.
• People at the end of their lives almost never regret what they did not achieve. They regret not having truly lived.

 Connect With the Guest

• Joyring app (free): https://joyring.com
• Personal website: https://ulrikatorquato.com
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ulrika-torquato/

Episode Chapters:

[00:00] Cold Open — The Future Room We Never Walked Into

[02:30] Welcome and Introducing Ulrika Torquato

[04:00] The Biggest Misconception: That Happiness Has to Be Earned

[07:00] Where the Rule of "Earning Joy" Comes From

[10:00] Why Big Life Changes Do Not Deliver What We Hoped

[13:00] What Everyday Joy Actually Looks Like

[15:30] Ulrika's Own Story: From Medicine to Opera to Presence

[18:00] Hard Days, Bad Days, and Why This Is Not Toxic Positivity

[22:00] The Practice of Returning: How Ulrika Comes Back to Joy

[24:30] The Joyring App and How It Helps

[27:00] What the Dying Wish They Had Noticed Sooner

[28:30] Closing Reflection: Stop Postponing for One Minute