Misalignment Shows Up In The Body

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Exhaustion of living out of alignment. Let me explain that. So doing work that looks successful from the outside, but then inside you feel this hollowness, this uh emptiness of saying yes when every part of you is quietly screaming out loud, no. And here's what most people don't realize that misalignment, it isn't just an emotional experience. It lives in the body, it shows up in your cortisol levels, your breath, your nervous system. And today's guest has lived this truth from the inside out. And she has spent years helping others find their way back to themselves. Welcome back to all my listeners on Healthy Mind, Healthy Life. I'm your host, Sana, and this is the space where, yes, we have honest, grounded conversations about what it truly means to feel well holistically in your mind, your body, in your soul, and the life you're actually living. And my guest today, listeners, is someone whose story alone is worth the listen. Dr. Esther Saladon is a best-selling author, international life coach, former diplomat, scientist, and founder of Be Act Change, which is a movement helping high achievers step into purpose, balance, and genuinely limitless life. Today we are exploring something that she knows deeply. What it means to live in alignment with your values, how breath work can regulate our nervous system, and what cortisol is actually, but quietly telling you when life feels off. So Rakh Reserve, welcome to the show, and it's really an honor to have you here with us.

SPEAKER_00 1:58

Thank you so much for having me.

SPEAKER_01 2:01

Okay. Dr. Esther, before we get into discussing uh, you know, how we can come back to living, you know, aligned and then we talk about breath work and then also the cortisol and everything. About your journey in there. I mean, uh you were given three weeks to live as a child. You have gone from that to keynote stages, number one Amazon book, and then a global coaching movement. Uh when when you I know it's it's a huge question, but then when you look back at the journey, what do you think that little girl understood about life that most of us we are still trying to figure out?

From Survival Story To Purpose

SPEAKER_00 2:43

Yeah, you know, yeah. So my story started that way, right? Like I had three weeks to live. My dad, my dad won the lottery, and that's how my life was saved. So with the money, they were able to go to the US and I was able to get the treatment that I needed to save my life. And they spent all that money on me. So what it did though, in return, right, was that afterwards I felt indebted. Like I felt that like I couldn't, I didn't deserve to live in alignment, right? And it's nothing that they told me. They never told me that, right? It was more that I felt that way. And because when we went to the US, we we struggled, right? We were refugees, they were educated, but had to work all these different jobs. I saw my dad lose a funding opportunity and then he had to go back to Nicaragua and work for three years, right? So I constantly saw this struggle and survival. And I blamed that myself, that I was like, well, if if I hadn't been sick, if I hadn't done that, you know, they could have had been comfortable, right? They could have won that money, used it themselves, and had a different outcome. So I became that high achiever, right? We were talking about, right? The high achiever that had to do, that I wanted to do everything for my family, right? So the problem was that at that time, I thought that, and this is like a lot of times with the people I work with, this is fallacy that to be successful, we have to give up our values and our alignment. But that's what I believed at that time. I was like, well, you know, they tell you, right? Like immigrant families are like, well, you can only be like a lawyer, an engineer, a scientist. You have to take a regular job, you have to think of safety and security. And so, you know, I got the that got the top scholarships. All I you know, I just worked and studied, worked and studied, right? And I and I was also told that the harder you work, people will see your value automatically. And so when I went up that chain and that ladder, right, you know, studying, and I still found ways of, you know, the alignment always sneaks up on you. That voice never disappears. And so, you know, along the way, I was doing stuff that was in alignment with me in the sense that my volunteer work was the stuff that I really wanted to be doing, right? It was like the coaching and leading movements and and doing those type of things. But it wasn't until, you know, I remember when I finished my PhD, I thought, oh, I'm gonna feel this lightning strike, and that's when everything's gonna come together, right? Because that's what I was sold. And actually, I didn't have any lightning. I actually felt more confused than ever. Like, what do I do now? And I was more happy that I helped my dad finish his PhD than I wasn't myself. I felt happier serving. But still at that time I didn't fully understand it. And I also didn't fully understand my value outside of production, producing. And it wasn't, and then so then when I went into the humanitarian field, you know, I I well, from there I went to academia, and then I was a diplomat, and then once I was in that field, I started to see in organizations so much misalignment, right? I started to see that same profile of what I saw in my dad, where he couldn't, he was brilliant, had all these things, but he couldn't commute his value, he couldn't communicate his value and he wasn't getting opportunities. And I started to see that all around me. I started to see people like in communities not being able to raise funds. I started to see people not being able to land jobs. I started to even see myself with a PhD that I couldn't land the jobs or position I wanted, even though I went to Berkeley. And so, you know, I ended up having to teach and teach retail. And I started to be like, man, why does this problem exist everywhere? And then I started to even think myself, what value do I really bring? And it wasn't until I started to think about when you ask people that, people stay really quiet. They don't know what they say, right? People they start listing their degrees and their work experience and start saying, well, I have 10 years' experience in this. And I was like, but that's not what people's value is, right? People's value is how they solve problems, how they serve the world, how they their purpose, right? All these things. So that's when I came up with this question about what would you do if you had $40 billion? Like what global problem would you solve? And when I came up with that question, right, I was thinking about the humanitarian organization that that I was part of. They had $40 billion, right? And so I always like to people, hey, well, put in the put yourself in the shoes of the leading person of this agency, but what you do? And when I started asking that question, then all of a sudden everyone would answer, like, oh, I would solve poverty or water or depression and this. And then I'm like, okay, well, how would you do that? And how they answer the how and their steps is how they solve all problems. And then I start testing it with like a couple people at a time and then hundreds, and then that's where I started to put in my book. Because when you answer that question, you realize, oh wow, that's how I solve problems. That's how I see the world. And when I answer that question, I realize, well, the first thing I do is understand why I go deep, like, why is this happening? You know, what is the root cause? What is going on? And then the second thing I do is bring people together to, well, okay, we have this problem. What do we, what do we want to see different? What's the vision we're trying to create? And then I create all the operations and structure to make it happen and keep it going. And then that's when I realized that's my value. That's what I bring. And when I realized that, that's when I realized, let's go circle back to your first question. That's when I realized that I wasn't living in alignment anymore. Because living in alignment means that you can your values appreciated, that you can solve problems the way you want to solve it every day. And I realized in that moment that and build first I was when I was building this program for a couple of years in the humanitarian sector, I was using my how-to every day. I was solving problems how I wanted to. But by the time year five came around, I wasn't anymore. I was just doing the operations and the management part. And when I answered, when I started doing that question myself, I'm like, you know what? I like to find out why. And I like to visualize and I like to build and build and build. And that's when I took the risk on myself and said, Well, I need to leave this very secure job. I had a very secure job for life. I said, I need to leave this job and go and do that and create the social impact organization where I can do how I solve problems every single day and serve people. So those accolades that you see now, right, with the best-selling book and and you know, doing a TEDx in October, all these things, those accolades are the ones that matter to me because that happened after I got in alignment. That that what the what that tells me, the book, less about the number one. What it tells me is that people found value, right, in the book and people found their purpose, people changed their lives. That's that's what matters, right? And the TEDx means that I can share more people the question and all that stuff. Those matter to me when I think about the other accolades earlier in my life, right? Like the doctorate, the awards at work, less so because I wasn't living in full alignment. So, what would I tell that little girl, right? I wish I had that $40 billion question when I was 15 years old. Because then I would have known that value because I spent so much of my teenage life not knowing what I brought to the table. Like I felt that I had no value add. I didn't feel special. I felt unworthy. And had I had a framework to understand that, hey, everyone has a unique framework. You don't have to be like everyone else. I could have gotten there quicker and faster, right? I could have, but then, you know, part of what makes us unique is our journey and and how we get there. So that was a long-winded answer for you, but that's that's how I know, I know.

SPEAKER_01 10:47

It it can be, it can be sometimes very challenging to condense everything that you know, because I would, I would, I would completely, you know, struggle in kind of condensing everything in there. I mean, it's not just about the achievements or the accolades or the titles or roles. I mean, yeah, education and you know, kind of to understand the entire system in there before questioning. I think we need to understand and you know why all these things are here because often we just keep on pinning the blame to others and then we we kind of avoid sitting with ourselves because it can be very, very confronting. You know, it's like you know, you are looking at yourself in the mirror. But then, you know, Dr. S especially that part where you mentioned that you were feeling like this having uh a debt, unpaid debt towards your parents, you know, because they had to divert all that money they won in the lottery, uh, your father for for your treatment. I think especially from the children and their parents' perspective, especially in many cultures, especially in immigrants' families, you know, because they are in a completely new country, they have to kind of, you know, unfortunately justify their that they have to double work hard just to make sure that, you know, they survive and they thrive actually also because you are in a completely different country, you're a completely different culture, you have to adapt to the ways of the that society or that culture. And you have to also be like, you know, they there's this unnamed burden of you have to be successful, you have to make your name because now the stakes are huge, the stakes are very high. And on top of that, that feeling that, you know, my parents have done so much for me, my father has spent the entire money, and now I'm actually seeing them kind of struggling. It unconsciously kind of stays within you, and it becomes one of the bigger reasons, you know, that you just want to complete your education, excel in that, and then go out, make something out of it. I think I I can actually personally connect with that kind of you know, unnamed feeling that you mentioned.

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SPEAKER_00 13:04

Absolutely.

(Cont.) From Survival Story To Purpose

SPEAKER_00 13:05

And I can connect with what you were saying too about the blaming, you know. Like I remember towards that later part when I was in misalignment, I found myself going into that blame, right? Like then I started to move from blaming my my upbringing and my family, being like, why did you tell me to get a stay in a normal job? You know, now I'm old, and how am I going to start entrepreneurship? And then I started even like thinking about like my past relationships, blaming my blaming, like, oh, I ruined this relationship with a with an entrepreneur who I could have taught. And it's like you said, then I had to look in the mirror and going, why do I think again, challenging those questions, right? And that and thinking about myself. Like, why do I feel that I needed someone else to tell me to do that? Right. What's stopping me from building that myself? Why did I think I needed to be in a relationship with someone with that background to create it for myself, right? I was almost looking for a clutch rather than going out there and creating that alignment for myself and moving away from the blame and going, okay, shift the blame to creating it now. And that's what I had to do, right? I had to shift, like you, like you were saying, shift from the blaming and look at myself and and do that inner work and realize that it's it's never too late, right? It's never too late to get an alignment. And we're always thinking in one year increments rather than five-year increments, right? In one year, we're like, oh, well, if it doesn't happen in one year, it doesn't happen at all. But you can completely like we, I mean, I started this five years ago. And so in five years, it's been gigantic, right? And so you have to look at five years, not one year, right? And I think so many of us are so quick to to feel like it's too late because we're only we're looking short-sighted rather than long-sighted.

SPEAKER_01 15:01

Absolutely, 100%, 100%.

What Values Alignment Really Means

SPEAKER_01 15:04

And uh Doctor, so let's let's now uh try to kind of you know understand what what this phrase living in alignment with your values because I mean what exactly it is because it gets used a lot, especially in the wellness spaces. So you are talking about living in alignment with your values because you are maybe in a comfortable position to take this risk. I mean, you know, leaving your stable nine to five and then, you know, doing something which may not guarantee a steady income in there, but I don't have that kind of choice right now. I have to put food on table. I have a lot of dependables in there. It's it's not an option for me. It's not even an option. I I cannot even afford to think about living in alignment. So, Dr. Esther, from your experience, you know, because you are working with high achievers across cultures, across countries, what do most people fundamentally misunderstand about what values alignment actually is and what it costs them when it's missing?

SPEAKER_00 16:06

I love this question. Uh so a lot of times people think they have to make huge shifts all at once, right? And so this kind of ties to that five-year I was mentioning. It's just, it's I so I have this. Let me give you some context. I have this um celebration calendar on my desk, and it's it's also in my workbook. And every day I just document living with my values and in alignment. And what that means is whether I solved problems the way I wanted to, maybe I lived with my values, all of that. Now, the problem is it's what you're mentioning, is that eight out of 10 people don't know what their values are. They think they do because they think it's like what society tells them to value, right? Like traditional things, right? Like family, love, but it's actually a lot more nuanced than that. And so there's this really cool resource I'll share with everyone. It's called um personal values. So it's called uh it's P-E-R-S-O-N-A-L and then V-A-L-U dot-es. Okay, so it's a website. You can take your values assessment for there for free. What I like about it, and if anyone wants the pro quiz, I have the license, they can message me and I'll send you the pro edition, but to any of the listeners. But what it does for you there is it takes what normally would take two days to do, and it does it for you in 15 minutes. So normally back in the day, to figure out your values, you would have to use all these flashcards, 100 flashcards and put them in order and then prioritize them. And then it would also tell you your motivations. Like um, from the values, it calculates for you what motivates you because people have different motivations. It could be what motivates you could be visioning, what motivates you could be safety, like your circles of control. Like what motivates you could be being around people that cheer you up and support you, or esteem, or or different types of things like that. So the or growth. What this does for you is it tells you, it does that process for you where you select your values and it gives you an order. Now, the order of your values matters too. Your top values normally are your aspirational values, right? That's how you want to feel at the at the end of the day. The second, this the next couple of values are your operational values, how you operate every day. Then identity values, okay? Then your core foundational values. So values tells you a story about how you want to live every day and what you need, right? So, what I love, for example, if your foundational values, like mine, my number one is excellence. My number two is teamwork, my number three is contribution. But my top value is meaningful work. So, what does that mean? That means that if I can't bring excellence to everything I do, if I can't work with people that are aligned with me, right? If I can't contribute to making the world a better place, then I'm never gonna feel that my work is meaningful. But if I can bring excellence and I can work with amazing people and I can contribute to something amazing, which is what I do now, then it's meaningful work for me. So it tells me right there if something's not in alignment. So it tells me right there, like, think about how a simple thing I could do every day, right? I could work on something and learn something more every day, 15 minutes that makes me feel like I'm getting more, increasing my excellence in it, right? My mastery. I could make, I could connect with a friend, right? That teamwork component and collaborate or help them with something. I can contribute something that's beyond me, right? There's things that you can do with your values every single day that can contribute to something bigger. On top of that, you can also take off things off your list. So, for example, when I have contribution as a values, it also means that people are gonna ask me for a lot of things that I don't want to do. So it also means I have to learn to say no. And I have, if it's not something that's gonna bring people together, do all those things, before, and I have seven other values, then it's a no. So part of living in values is not just taking on things. Like, you know, we're talking about everyone's busy, but it's also what am I doing that's not in alignment with me and my values or with the vision I want for the future. And I gotta start letting that go in my life. And that's how you start making room for the things that you want to build. So it doesn't matter if someone's busy at a nine to five. I mean, we're all juggling, right? I have kids, I have this, right? But we need to stop and look at our, I encourage everyone to take this assessment, look at all those values and say, and then do an audit of your life and be like, where am I giving my time that's not in alignment with these values? And where can I be doing more things that and the things that feel energy depleting, look at your values? Ooh, what what value is it not hitting? What is it opposite of? And what is it? And sometimes it can mean that maybe you don't have to leave your job, it's switching roles. So if in my if I'm for me, if if I have those three, let's just look at those three teamwork, contribution, and excellence, but I'm working solo by myself on spreadsheets, that's not gonna match, right? I like to work with people. So maybe it's just switching a project or a role, and even just that alone would make me feel more in alignment, right? Or my problem solving. If I'm I think I was mentioned, right? I like to do visionary, I like to make things work, you know, keep things going. But if I'm doing something that requires no vision, someone else's, what can I do? What can I create? Who can I share a vision with that I'm gonna feel right more in alignment? There's these micro changes that each of us can make one day at a time that then create this whole change of your life. That's what I love about that calendar, right? Every day I mark something that I did to that. And within after a week, you have seven things you did, right? After a month, you have 30 things you did. And after three months now, you've moved, you've moved already 90 things. A shift has happened. Yeah. And so it's it's to think about things not in these, oh, I need these massive changes, but there's all these little things that we can do that accumulate over time. And before we know it, we've changed our lives.

SPEAKER_01 22:34

You know, I mean absolutely makes sense, you know, because the fact that it doesn't have to happen overnight or this major overall. I think it can send some waves of respite for many of our listeners, you know, especially high achievers, because I mean, uh especially for high achievers, I think, you know, they would either, you know, believe, okay, let me let me just quickly get an understanding of this and quickly implement this and see whether I can quickly get those results. Because there's kind of this internal validation also that you know they see when okay, the outputs are coming and they are coming steadily and fast. But I think major shifts, they often kind of you know happen gradually each and every day, each and every moment in there. So I think this practice that you just described, Dr. Esther, I think it kind of, you know, is a way, once again, if I may use, you know, what I mentioned, looking at the mirror, that okay, maybe, okay, let me understand, you know, in terms of whether, yes, I love working with people. So what exactly I am doing, whether it's attaining to this particular value of mine or not. And I think that that really kind of is a self-explorative exercise that we can do.

SPEAKER_00 23:57

Definitely.

Micro Shifts That Change Everything

SPEAKER_01 23:59

Okay, let's talk about breath work also. Um, because uh I think somewhere, you know, if I want to bring mindfulness in there, very popularly people associate breath work with mindfulness. And we just talked about this kind of exercise. I think it kind of you know is is pointing towards coming back to our present, coming back to looking at the present if they are, you know, aligning with my values. So you also work with breath work as a genuine tool, not just a relaxation technique. But then, you know, a lot of us we see breath work as more as, you know, these okay, five minutes before maybe a high pressure meeting, or this quick three inhales and three exhales uh before a public, you know, stage appearance, or maybe before going to bed, or maybe before a very confronting conversation, probably with our loved one or a colleague, or maybe our superior, you know, something like that. So what's what's actually happening physiologically, you know, when we are out of alignment or under chronic stress, how does our breath connect to that at a deeper level?

Breathwork For Stress And Cortisol

SPEAKER_00 25:07

Yeah, that's a great question. So, how I got into breath work, actually, it was kind of a wake-up call because I'm someone that can work all day, right? Like 12, 14, 15 hours. I love work, especially when I'm in alignment. I can work all day because I love it. I'm serving people and creating and building. See, I made the I I thought when I was out of alignment, I was in constant stress because I was in misalignment, right? So I constantly felt this tension in my chest. I couldn't sleep at night, I'd be ruminating. And and then when I got into alignment, a lot of that stopped. However, that type of direct feeling where I was feeling it in my body. But even when I got into alignment, I was still, I was happy working, right? I was working all day and then this and that. But I wasn't taking to account that I hadn't processed all the cortisol out of my body from when I was in misalignment. So I think we're talking about what it does to your body. So when you're in misalignment and you're in constantly flight, fire fight, you're constantly tense all day, right? So that's when you're breathing really shallow and you're not taking oxygen to your whole body. You're like your muscles are tense, you're you're kind of closed in, you're constantly breathing, like you're not really inhaling oxygen, right? And on then on top of that, you're the decision making in your brain, right? So think about when you so when you make decisions in your brain, you have these different parts. You have the amygdala, you have the hippocampus, right? Different parts of your brain. Well, you're not getting enough oxygen or you're in constant, you know, fight or flight, they're not connecting to each other the messages. So what happens is that you're constantly making decisions based on emotion rather than rational. So you have to, when you're in misalignment for so long and so much stress, right? Your mind and everything is used to are in survival mode. You're not, you're not using your brain to its full potential, right? You're not making decisions based on, you know, strategic, rational, creativity, all those things. Okay. You've cut off, think about like you've cut off the cord, right? It's like cut. So, and and I and I had to think about that for a while because like my parents struggle with even choosing what to eat for lunch. And I remember thinking for a long time that there was something wrong with them. Like I was like, they're doing it on purpose. But it was when I learned all this that I realized why they can't choose what they had for lunch, is because of so much survival zone and stress. Even simple decisions about choosing their meal, they cannot make. Then, on top of that, I did a hair test and I encourage everyone to do this. You can send your hair to a lab, like it's called, and they can analyze your hair and they can analyze your cortisol over a long period of time, depending how long your hair is. My hair is very long. So I could see a whole year or more, two, two, three years actually, of stress. They analyze it and they tell you your cortisol levels. So even though my blood work was perfect, my cortisol levels were really high. So, what'd that mean? That means that I was holding on to weight. I was having like gastro issues, like, think about if you suffered through gas, through heartburn, things like that, right? Or like if you're constantly getting sick, all those are indicators, right, of high cortisol. And like even like bloating. And when I did that test, I realized that I had a deficiency in minerals because the brain, when you're a high achiever, it's taking in, it's like it's taking and using a lot of the minerals to process information. And when you're in constant stress, it needs more, right? Because it doesn't have all the connections. So when you're doing that, you're depleting minerals out of your body and you're creating shells around your cells. So it doesn't matter how good you eat or you know, how much you exercise sometimes, or you know, like as me, I was like working, I was like eating better, it was in alignment, but I hadn't addressed that cortisol. So that's how I got, I mean, it's a long-winded answer to say that's how I got into breath work because breath work is not just like uh, you know, we do use it for breathing before an event and all that, but more importantly, it's about oxygenating your body and it's also moving you away, right? When you have so much when you have oxygen in there and you can breathe and you can tell your body that it's safe, then you start opening the channels. So then you can start making decisions more clearly, more strategic. You can start being actually more productive, actually more efficient, more present, right? Because you're moving from outside of just responsive emotions. So actually, when I the breath work I practice is not five, five minutes, it's actually 30 to 45 minutes and at a time. And that breath work of three-part breath, you can do it through your nose, through your mouth. You know, you just go, you know, you in with your belly, in with your chest, out, right? Doing that over and over again, guided, it starts bringing all the oxygen. So when I do this with the community, sometimes the first couple of sessions, people are like, oh my God, my hands feel numb, like I'm a little dizzy. But then that's the first indication that that means that you your body's not used to that oxygen, right? That's a sign that you have been in constant stress mode. Because once you can push past that and you do that enough times, when you finally can, you know, get used to that amount of oxygen and breathing, you can finally tap into things that are unbelievable. Because now that your brain is calm and your body feels safe and it's used to receiving oxygen, when you go into these breath work sessions, you can start tapping into your intuition. You know, you can tap into your memories, right? Maybe sometimes you could you can even tap into stories that you've been told of your ancestors and things, but you you start being able to have a lot more tapping into different parts of your brain and your mind. And some people get vision, some people get colors, or some people just relax, right? It's a different experience for everyone else because they're tapping into parts of themselves that they haven't been able to tap into before. But it allows you to finally start controlling that cortisol and that body and being able to regulate and release all that trauma and stress, right? So it's very common when you're doing 30, 45 minutes for people to start crying, people to release because you're releasing all this tension. You know, there's I'm not sure if you've heard of like those maciofacial releases and like what people hold all this tension in their joints and their bones. It's the same thing, it lives in your cells. And there's nothing, there's no pill, there's no medicine. You know, people are always like, well, give me the medicine to cure it. No, you you you have to connect with your body and breathe, right? It's it's a tool that we have that's that's ours to use at any time. It's also something that what I love about it is like, you know, I like going into the science and but I also like going into the history. It's something that indigenous people all around the world practice, right? And practiced. They used to do that as groups, right? Like we do it in the communities. We we bring together groups together to do it together, to breathe together. That's where these, you know, you see all those ceremonies, right? Cacao and kaba, and like, you know, some people use medicinal things in addition, but you don't have to, right? And there's a lot of communities that would breathe together before before coming into a decision making. And as diplomats, actually, a lot of naval SEALs and diplomats before a high stress negotiation do these breathings for longer times to be able to go in and make these strong decisions, right? To make decisions without bringing in so much emotion. And not again, nothing wrong with emotion. It's just being able to be able to take that emotion, right? And be able to process it and bring in the rationality, right? That combination, not just the emotional center. And yeah, so it's a super, super powerful area. It helps you in all types of aspects in your life and even your health. And so for me, it was that journey of realizing that my health for decision making, for strategies, or even when I start feeling that scarcity mindset or stress about like, you know, as an entrepreneur, it's always stressful in the beginning of the year, right? Your money and things, and you have to trust. And I have to breathe to trust and calm. Yeah. And and 75% of hospital things are related to stress, to stress. And it's gonna be more of your misalignment, but even when you get into alignment, you have to continue this practice. I think that's what that's the message I'm saying, where you got to start it when you're especially if you're in misalignment, definitely do it to get through it. But even when you're in alignment, you have to process everything, right? All the trauma and everything you've been holding in and use as daily presses. There's a reason why all the big successful people, they they use mindfulness techniques, right? They it taps, it's it's shown to repair eight parts of your brain, right? Even does repairs for you naturally. Yeah. So long-winded answer again, but big proponent for breath work. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:44

I I absolutely I loved the explanation, Doctor S. I loved the explanation because you don't just stick to this, you know. Sometimes it when when you are doing the work and you are actually very passionate about it, you tend to kind of romanticize it. But you actually took it to, I mean, you actually helped us look at not just breath work from you know the physiological aspect, but I mean, physical aspect in there and you know, holistic. Basically, that's what I mean to say. There's the physical aspect, there's the mental aspect, the emotional as well. Yes, emotions are not bad, but then I think especially, you know, uh in today's day and age where we are more prone to be triggered. I see some really, really, I shouldn't say frivolous, but very unexpected reasons for you know us to get triggered.

SPEAKER_00 35:46

Exactly. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:48

We need to really look back and you know, really, really need to check on whether the emotions are getting the better of us or we are completely forgetting that, you know.

SPEAKER_00 36:01

Exactly. Exactly. I love how you framed it because that's what I meant. It's like the amygdala hijack, right? It's like when fear, anger, and anxiety take over, right? And then you go into flight or flight, right? What we want is for it not to take over, right? That you're able to process right the emotions and then go into decision making rather than being hijacked by it. So I love I love your framing.

SPEAKER_01 36:25

Absolutely. And I mean, even if there are there are no, okay, listeners would think that okay. But you know, I uh we are humans, emotions, you I may be reacting or maybe acting out of emotions. But then I think right now you know, it's kind of you know, systems or mechanisms are capitalizing our emotions. So let's not give the power to something or someone else out there. Let's claim it back, let's take it back. And breath work and then awareness about how it's not just about the mind or the spiritual aspect, but also our physical aspect. All of these are interconnected in this mesh of this human form we have got. So let's try to understand and let's be humble enough to accept that yes, life is unpredictable. Stress, good stress is good to have, but then let's try to kind of you know accept and channelise the bad stress.

SPEAKER_00 37:33

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 37:35

Super and and before we wrap up, Dr. S. One last you know, point that I would kind of you know try to touch on. I mean, we have covered Codisol, but still so I mean your methodology, the B Act change framework. I mean, it's about moving from insight to action. I think uh the the toughest part is, I mean, we do everything. We make our plans, we do journaling, we do our visualizations, you know, everything is there. But that action part, yes, maybe for the first few days really be very vigorous and very dedicatedly doing all the steps, you know, needed. But then after a few days, it kind of becomes, you know, this exhaustion, there's this exhaustion. And then once again, we kind of go back to our old ways, or we feel like we are going back to our old ways. So when someone begins to recognize their life and their values, you know, they aren't matching up. What does this real process of reorienting actually look like, Dr. Esther?

Motivation Profiles That Prevent Burnout

SPEAKER_00 38:48

Yeah, I think that's why I like people to understand their motivation profile. Because you were saying, like, you know, when people get exhausted and go back, it's because they're trying to follow a framework that doesn't work for them, right? And and it has to work for you. So that's why I like about that assessment, right? Like, let's say, for example, your motivation is visioning. Like, that's mine. So every week I have on my calendar at least once a week to visualize what is the what is my future life I'm trying to create, what is the impact I'm trying to create, remind myself of that weekly. And it just has to be once a week because then and then I'm like, okay, it gives me that boost to want to keep doing it, want to keep moving, right? Want to keep doing this stuff. But for someone who has safety as a motivator, that's not gonna motivate them, the vision. What's gonna motivate them is that someone who has safety as a motivator is constantly worrying about worst case scenario, and a lot of times why they stop and it becomes exhausted is because they start to worry about everything that's gonna go wrong in doing it, or or their brain starts hijacking and saying, This is not practical, you know, you're you know, this is not gonna work, right? So they need to sit down weekly and do circles of control. Like, okay, so the world's on fire, you know, but what can I control and what can I move on? And think about that weekly, and that's gonna help motivate them forward because then they know they they can then it's gonna help them one stop ruminating at night, and it's gonna make them feel safe and it's gonna help them keep moving on things that they can impact or move. If you have growth as a motivator, you have to constantly be learning, right? And learning and testing and trying. And so every week should be trying something new or listening to a webinar, listening to a podcast, right? And they have to have a scheduled, and that's what's gonna motivate them, hearing a new perspective or reading a new book and a thing. And so if that's not scheduled in, they're also gonna feel unmotivated, right? Love and belonging, they need to get in groups and communities that think like them and that want to be in alignment, right? So for them, it's like every week, you know, join a new group or find a new group, find a free book, or join. I saw that you guys have a community for the podcast, right? Join something, right? If you have love and belonging, find people who are in the same journey that you can then talk to every week, but then become your accountability partner because then that weekly check-in is what's gonna motivate you. And then if you have esteem, you also need an accountability partner, but you need someone to cheer you on weekly. Cheer somebody else on you. So, so a lot of times that exhaustion again is that type of misalignment where you're you're if you're someone who visualizes, but then you're you're doing the growth every week, but without the vision, you're gonna get tired. Or if you're, you know, your safety, you're visualizing, but then it becomes overwhelming because you're thinking everything's gonna go wrong, you're gonna get exhausted, right? Exhaustion, the root of exhaustion is from working against your natural flow. So that's why the first thing is what is your natural flow? And once you know your natural flow in a natural way that gets you going, right? And you're gonna have to schedule that intentionally weekly just to create the habit. But then after three months, it becomes a habit. And then it's gonna feel like second nature. So at first, yeah, you have to be intentional about it, but it has to also be intentional, matched with your flow, right? It's not scheduling and doing something that's not gonna energize you or motivate you. So that's why for me, always the first step is is the diagnostic, right? Because everybody's different, and you may be a mix of two profiles, but understanding that first and then making the plan that works for you so that you can make the changes, you know, with with to create that alignment that you're seeking.

SPEAKER_01 42:46

Absolutely, absolutely. It's like I mean, you need that course correction and uh yes, not just as the criticism or the accountability part, but also the motivation in there. And maybe it can be through communities or groups, or maybe a particular person or you know, maybe through a podcast like this also. But yeah, I really love yeah how you explained it. Once again, Dr. Esther. Thank you. Super.

How To Connect And Final Takeaways

SPEAKER_01 43:17

Okay, so yeah, so before we wrap up, Dr. Esther, if our listeners they would like to connect further with you. I I am very confident they would love to because you really, really explain it very well. So if they would like to connect with you, what's what's the best way?

SPEAKER_00 43:34

Yes, I'm on Instagram, be at change. And you can message me there. I love it. I have this great community there. I do read all my direct messages, my DMs, so feel free to message me there. And I'm also on LinkedIn under my name, Esther Zeladon. You can also connect with me there. Those are the two platforms I'm on.

SPEAKER_01 43:53

Amazing. So, listeners, I'll have all the links mentioned in the show notes. So Yes, doc connect with Dr. Essa, check out her Be Act Change methodology, and follow the show notes. Definitely the show notes, find the Natasha Lam with this episode. And uh thank you so much, Dr. Essa, because I I feel genuinely feel this has been such a rich and nourishing conversation. So thank you so much once again.

SPEAKER_00 44:24

Thank you. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_01 44:27

And thank you to all of my listeners, to everyone who joined us. Thank you for being here specially. And yes, Helldy Mind Hilly Life exists because your inner world absolutely matters. Not just your productivity or output, but the quality of life you are actually experiencing from the inside. So if this episode landed for you, share it. Someone in your circle probably needed it today. Take care of yourselves. I'll catch you in the next one. Thank you so much.