Meaning Built Through Presence

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Have you ever met someone whose life just feels like it was built for meaning? Not because everything went perfectly, but because they chose again and again to pay attention to the people in front of them, to the story underneath the stories, to the quiet lessons that only reveal themselves when you are willing to sit with someone in their hardest moments. Welcome back to Healthy Mind, Healthy Life. I am your host, Yusuf, and this is where we have real grounded conversations about what it actually takes to live well mentally, emotionally, and from the inside out. My guest today is Nancy Jason Ensley, a legal nurse, hospice specialist teacher, and multi-genre author whose decades of work at the intersection of care, law, and storytelling have produced books that span memoir, fiction, mystery, science fiction, and children's literature. Today we are going to explore what a life of service and deep listening teaches you about resilience, meaning, and the stories we all carry. Nancy, it's so good to have you here. Welcome to the show.

SPEAKER_01 1:29

Thank you, Yousef. I'm happy to be here and happy to share.

SPEAKER_00 1:35

Perfect. Nancy, you were a writer, you were nursing, the horsepikes work. All of these rich layers that you had. But when you look back across all of those different chapters of your life, is there one moment or one person that you keep coming

A Mother’s Humor And Strength

SPEAKER_00 1:57

back to? Like someone who quietly shaped the way you see things.

SPEAKER_01 2:02

Yes, yes, Youssef. That was my mother. My mother was an amazing woman. She dealt with a lot of abuse. We did have that in our family early during my childhood years. She did that. She was a concert pianist. She graduated from Juilliard, was the youngest, uh, taken into a concert piano, and she played at Carnegie Hall. She had this amazing ability to look at the best side of life, no matter what was happening to her. She grew up as an only child in a wealthy family, and she had a governess, and she always thought something was missing in her life. Two professionals were her parents, and they loved her, but they there wasn't the hugging and that kind of physical love. So she learned to love herself no matter what was happening to her. She had a great sense of humor. She taught me how to laugh outside of anything that happened to us during our childhood. She taught me the glass half full and taught me that I, no matter what I did in life, it always had a purpose and it always had a good side. So she was my primary go-to person.

Caregiving As Creative Fuel

SPEAKER_00 3:27

I'm curious about something that strikes me when I read how you describe yourself. You know, and that is not a typical combination, being a legal nurse, hospice specialist, teacher, author. And I think a lot of people might assume those worlds are separate. That clinical work is one thing and creative work is another. But you but you seem to have lived them very connected, like they are very deeply interconnected. What do you think most people misunderstand about the relationship between caregiving and creativity?

SPEAKER_01 4:07

I think most people don't get enough information to like know all the different sides of healthcare, mental health, physical health, relationships that you build. The hands-on that seems to be going away. We had a lot of that in my early training. I was going to be a physician, but I had to go home and take care of my mother. So I decided to be a nurse so that I would be nice to the nurses when my when the doctor, when I became a doctor, but I never did go back to that. I think you have to have build confidence despite perhaps that isn't the person you are inside. And as you give those building blocks to your life, all of a sudden you see this other person and you realize that that person that's inside of you that may not feel worthy of taking on risks as you would as a compliance officer and some of those things in hospice, et cetera. All of a sudden you start to see parts of you that build on what you experienced in your youth, maybe perhaps felt more unworthy, et cetera. And you can add to that. It's like I used to take blow-up dolls to counseling for pregnant children, uh, girls in high school. And some of them weren't fully blown up. Some of them had creases in them. And I said, you can fill that with bad things. You can fill that with really good things. They're still there, the imperfect imperfections that you have in your life, but you can fill them with something that makes you whole. And I think that's what happened to me. I I always was willing to take a risk. I never wanted to be a leader, but because I took risks, I wound up in leadership roles that I thought, oh, I can't do this. And and a lot of faith. Uh, I had a Catholic upbringing. I that stuck with me all my life, even though I might have pushed it away at times. And I have had problems with addiction and and things in my life that were horrible, but it built me, it gave me so much help. So I think that you can merge who you've been, some of the things that are very difficult in life, with taking some risks.

Service Humility And Forgiveness

SPEAKER_01 6:43

There's a list of things that I know that are so prime, so important for us to do, regardless of whether we have physical problems or mental health problems. And I, one of them is service, one is humility, and one is forgiveness. And if we can't forgive things that may have hurt us, we may not agree. That doesn't mean that we agree. We forgive the action the person took. I pray for them. I may not agree with them ever as what might have happened, but I still forgive them because I don't need that albatross of resentment and anger to weigh me down. Then I can't do the other things in my life. And I give that advice to a lot of people that I counsel.

Writing To Name What You Feel

SPEAKER_00 7:38

That is a really important distinction between writing to process and writing to preserve. And I think what you are pointing to is the deepest stories are not invented, they are remembered, they come from presence, not imagination alone.

SPEAKER_01 7:58

Absolutely. Writing is so important, and reading, if you can, if you're able to do that, you can now have audiobooks. There are many channels to getting information. I my mother used to write little notes and little poems and leave them in places. She would leave for a time for periods of time and never knew she was coming back, but she always did. And she would always write notes. And I that became very important to me. I went to Catholic school for a while. And if you made a mistake, you got up to a board in front of everybody else, whether you were scared or not, and you had to write maybe a thousand times. I will not talk to Jimmy in my classroom or whatever. But that writing, it really, really helped. I learned to read at four years old because my parents, we didn't have a lot of money. So I got they used to throw books into my playpen. And I saw these things that were letters, and I put them together with things that I heard and I could read early on. So that written word became very important to me. And it is good. Just write a note to yourself. You don't have to show it to anybody else. Just write down how you feel. If you write down how you feel, you think you feel in your mind, in your tummy, it may not come out that way. All of a sudden, I can say I'm feeling afraid. And I look, I write on the paper. Yes, I'm feeling afraid, but I can do something about it. And so I think writing is really important. Or talking to someone. There are all kinds of ways of conversation. Get some support, people that you trust. That's really hard to do, but get people that you can trust that you can just give a call, text them, you know, whatever you can do, zoom with them. That really helps. I'm in a lot of support groups, and I have been. You could get them at church, you can get them for cancer, PTSD, you can get them for all kinds of things. So there are ways for to have healthy living, healthy diet, healthy health, good health. That doesn't mean that you forget what's built you, but how do you process that? How do you make the best person you can possibly be? I pray about it a lot because I don't always do the things I tell other people to do well. And then I just say, come on, you can do better than that. I know you can. What do you need? What do you need to make you a better person every day? So that's kind of my mantra. And that has a lot to do with my writing, no matter what genre I'm in. And I the reason I get in all different genres is because I'm really observant. And somebody, my child, my granddaughter, might say something that day. That's how Isla and the imaginary iguana came out. She says, I'm Isla, and don't say the yes. She says, I S L A. And when she said that, I thought, ah, that's a book. So if you're observing, if you're looking around you and or hear something and you need to remember it, or it just sounds really good, something I could write about, do it. So that's as my suggestion for people. I really think that's helpful. And most people say, Oh, I can't write anything. That doesn't mean you have to show it to someone. You're writing it for yourself. And then if it becomes enlightening to you, share it. I wrote a poem a week for everyone. Sometimes it's silly, has nothing to do with anything. Sometimes it's very insightful or has something to do with faith. And I have to remember though that they're in a different time zone, that I'm not waking them up at three in the morning. So I have to do that. I I've done that often. But that seems to help me more than anything.

Support Systems Pets And Safe Help

SPEAKER_01 12:04

So it's important, it's important to have pets. It's important to be careful what you medications and and products that you get online. You have to be very careful that they don't interfere with your medications you're taking. And is it really if it's if it's the thing that's going to make you 20 years younger, it's probably not going to do that. So be really careful what you do, especially if you're seeing a professional for some kind of problem. So that's another thing that I offer people

Guided Imagery For Calm

SPEAKER_01 12:41

online. So but there's lots of ways I've established kind of a way to use guided imagery. Right now, if I might be a little nervous with this podcast, I'm walking on the beach. I'm doing that as I'm talking to you because I was I grew up in New Jersey and we would go to the ocean. And that's where I felt I felt peace even as a little girl, where I didn't feel it otherwise. And so I can go there, which is really helpful. There are there are two tutorials on the on the uh on guided guided imagery, meditation, all kinds of things, CDs you can play. And it really is helpful if you if you're having a difficult time with something to kind of go somewhere else where you can feel calm and and and less uncomfortable with what you're

Keeping Purpose Alive At Any Age

SPEAKER_01 13:40

doing.

SPEAKER_00 13:40

So

(Cont.) Keeping Purpose Alive At Any Age

SPEAKER_00 13:45

well, and then you have clearly built a life that keeps reinventing itself. New forms, new projects, new ways of giving. But you know, sustaining that kind of creative and purposeful engagement over a life is not always easy. There are seasons of doubt, I am sure of that, of fatigue, of wondering whether it still matters. So, how do you keep going? Like, what keeps that creative fire alive for you?

SPEAKER_01 14:21

There are several things I do. I do pray. I pray. Sometimes my prayers are, Where are you? Why aren't you helping me? Um, I do have a support system that's helpful. I like to go outside and walk as much as I can. Going out seems to help. Sometimes I have a pillow and I punch it because I just can't resolve something that's going on in my life. It might be difficult. I cook, I love to cook, I love to serve, I love to help people, I cook for people, or I'll go and have coffee with someone, I'll walk my dog. My pets seem to be very helpful to me. As a child, we never have had any pets. So I have a little dog out there who comes in whenever I'm working on the computer. And it's just I can reach down and touch that little guy. And finding people that you can trust that you can talk to. I mean, there's some times when I just need to have somebody listen. They don't have to give me any advice. Just someone to listen to me and say, you know, I'm really having a bad day. I don't know what's going on with me. I have had a lot of ups and downs in my life. Ones that were I almost lost my life. And I don't know whether I believe that my God that I believe in, and every everybody has the right to believe in whatever they do. I I respect everyone, even if they don't believe in anything above what's here on earth, believe in something. Get a flower, get a lamp, get a whatever you need to do. And so I I have had episodes where I thought I just didn't want to go on, and all of a sudden there's something inside of me or above me that says, I got some, I got a job for you to do. I I'm not done with you. I mean, I'm gonna be 85 years old, and I still think that every once in a while I'll get this little kind of a an idea that I need to do something else. I go to I do exercise every day, I eat well. A lot of times I don't eat real, really well. I'm not gonna beat myself up for that. Stopping criticizing myself rather than looking at myself. That's a difference than beating up on myself. That's kind of a waste of time. So all that helps me to helps me to move on. I do service, I know I have to. Sometimes it's tiring. I do counsel people that have had addictions, and that gets me out of myself, makes my day better. And some days I just need to rest. I need to say no. Uh, I can't do that today. I I'm sorry, but I'll be there for you tomorrow. Just rest. And then I have to laugh a little. It's sometimes something that's very heavy that's weighing on you. There's a little humor in that. And so I try to find that, and that helps me get through the day or whatever issues I'm dealing with at the time. So that's kind of what I do. And I have those books that I I can't believe that I that I had these books that I in my mind in my heart. I I just can't. But all of a sudden, I'm I started reading my tire swing myself, just reading it. I'm thinking, who is that? But that's me. That's where I opened up my heart and put it on paper and uh discovered a lot about myself when I was writing. So, and I love it, and I'll continue to write as long as I can.

Dementia Love And A Sister Reappears

SPEAKER_01 18:39

I have a sister who has dementia. She's an amazing person, she's an artist. She did the cover of my book. She is now suffering from time, and I I don't get to spend enough time with her. And we spent, I spent a whole day with her, and all of a sudden, the sister that I know, the sister that's starting to hide behind the darkness of dementia, all of a sudden blossomed. And maybe it was how I perceived her. And all of a sudden she was my sister again. Maybe not physically, but all of a sudden the humor came out, the artistic beauty, and she said, Nancy, I'm gonna paint again. Even though I don't feel confident that I can. So you never know how spending time with someone can affect you or other people. And I just I so pray that people that are dealing with terrible problems, homelessness, childlessness, loss, addiction, all of those things. If you can find someone you trust, if if you can find something that you trust, something about you that no one else has, you find that skill, that talent. It can be just growing a flower. My husband takes care of the plants. They don't like me, they don't want me to sing to them. I kill them. And so he takes care of the plants. And I can see how that calms him. So there's some things I can do and some things I can't. And you have to get to know yourself, and that's okay. That's that's important. Positive thinking. One big, big thing that helps me get through my day is forgiveness. Forgiven me, forgiven anything, forgiven the dog, forgiven whatever happens that might have might cause me to have a bad day. If I can forgive that helps that's kind of what I do. Not perfectly, but I do. My daughter told me about just one thing. There's a uh website, it's called True Short Nourish, and people that are dealing with food problems, it is an excellent. They give you a counselor and you show your food you eat today, and it's great. So that type of health aging is important. Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you.

SPEAKER_00 21:32

No worries, no worries.

Where To Find Nancy And Final Invitation

SPEAKER_00 21:34

I was just asking something that Nancy, for people who want to connect with you or want to find your work, where can they do that?

SPEAKER_01 21:43

Okay. I have a new website. It's Nancy J it's www.nancyjasonensley.com. And that news website is gradually coming up with uh ability to connect with podcasts that I've done or other things. Podcasts are on Facebook, Instagram, I am on social media, Facebook, Instagram, TikTok. I'm just learning how to use. I'm on LinkedIn quite a bit, WebMD, WhatsApp. So a lot of those social medias I continue to be on, and I make comments often. As you can see, I talk too much, but I do make comments and give advice if they need it. So they will have access to that website. It's up now, but it isn't totally complete. And then you'll get to meet my husband because we did a video together, and that'll make you laugh for sure. So all of that is going to be on the website and all my books with a summary and and then avenues that you can reach other forms of that to be able to, and then I'm on Amazon and on uh Goodreads, Bartons and Nobles, all of those literature websites. And I am working on a um audiobook of my memoir.

SPEAKER_00 23:13

Wow. Perfect. And everyone listening all these links are in the show notes, so just go and check those out. Okay, Nancy. I thank you so much for the conversation because this might help me why storing telly storytelling matters, not just as entertainment, but as a way of making sense of the human.

SPEAKER_01 23:41

Yeah, I'm very human. Very much so. But thank you so much. I I really appreciate you having me on. Thank you. Read my books.

SPEAKER_00 23:55

And to everyone listening, if there's a story you have been holding on to, chapter of your life you haven't quite let yourself look at, maybe today is the day you start. Even just in a quiet corner, even just for yourself. This is healthy mind, healthy life. Take care of yourself, and we'll be back with more conversations that matter.