A Jolt Of Perspective

SPEAKER_01 0:06

Here is a thought that stopped me in my tracks. Most of us spend years, sometimes decades, moving in a direction we did not fully choose. And somewhere along the way, we start to confuse the path we are on with the path we are meant to be on. But what if that is not how it works? What if 20 years of heading in the wrong direction is just 20 years of information, not a life sentence? Welcome back to Healthy Mind, Healthy Life, where we have honest conversations about things that actually changes. I'm your host, Yosef, and today I'm joined by Sean Archer, a speaker and someone whose message is both simple and quietly revolutionary. That no matter how long you have been heading in the wrong direction, the capacity to change the course lives in you right now. Sean, welcome to the show. Really glad to have you here on the show.

SPEAKER_02 1:17

Thank you. It's a pleasure to be here.

The Rock Bottom Turning Point

SPEAKER_01 1:31

Something personal brought you to this message. So, what was the turning point for you?

SPEAKER_02 1:39

I'd say the first turning point was having children, but that's not where my life changed. My major turning point was sitting or standing on top of a sink with a noose tied around my neck, ready to walk off and end my life. So that first point was drastic. I was a rock bottom, ready to just kind of end everything, and something came over me which just kind of echoed in my soul, and I I stopped, took the noose off, and started to ask myself, why was I in this situation? Why I was in this predicament, and what was I doing to get there? And as you mentioned, you know, just because I was driving in that direction most of my life. So from that moment I sat up straight and I felt a bit of peace, and I realized that I don't have to be like that. I don't have to be a monster, I don't have to be a horrible individual. I can start to change who I thought I was. So I think that's the moment when I just literally started trying to be a different person, little by little.

SPEAKER_01 2:58

And Sean, these this belief that a lot of people carry, that quietly, sometimes without even saying it loud, that who they are is more or less fixed, like that their pattern, their habits, their tendencies are just them. So where does that belief come from? And in your experience, how much of is it actually true?

Why Identity Is Not Fixed

SPEAKER_02 3:26

None of it. None. I was abandoned at seven years old. I've lived on my own since 12, and when I say on my own, I don't mean like I stayed with my auntie or my grandparents. I mean literally sleeping under abandoned buildings, porches, stolen cars. And I thought that that was who I had to be. I I even thought that my language, my mannerisms, my habits, everything was who I was. And I've completely changed. I went from a ninth grade dropout to having a bachelor's and a master's degree by realizing that I can.

SPEAKER_00 4:13

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 4:15

And for someone who has held that belief for a long time, maybe used it to explain away some of their choices, what does it feel like when they first start to question it?

SPEAKER_02 4:30

For me, it was liberating. I felt free. I felt almost determined, almost like I was sprouting out of a person. And I guess the best way to explain it is I was coming out of the dirt and sprouting as a flower, so to speak. And when you look at the dirt, you think this is disgusting, it's dirty, it's nasty. And when I was on the outside of that, starting to see the sun and the light, and being able to change, I realized it's so liberating, it feels so good.

SPEAKER_01 5:09

Yes. And you said in your topic, bitch, that I keep coming back to heading in the wrong direction for 20 years does not mean we have to keep going in that same

Regret As Information Not Fate

SPEAKER_01 5:22

direction. We are not birds. I love that, but I want to sit with the 20 years part for a moment because a lot of people, the weight of that time, the regret, the lost years is what actually keeps them stuck. So, how do you work with that?

SPEAKER_02 5:43

I would say it's just realizing that you're not stuck. For me, it was questioning everything that I thought, everything that I believed, and saying, why do I respond like this? Why do I act like this? Why do I think I have to say these certain things? I have to just be this person. Once I started questioning those things, and I thought to myself, I I don't have to be like that. I can I can change. So I started to read. I was in a cell, I was locked up 24 hours a day for six days a week. But I just started sitting up and thinking, talking to myself, and it's just a matter of who do you want to be versus who you are. So once I realized that, I just started making those small decisions to speak differently, to look at people differently. And and it's it's a long process, but it feels good as you go.

SPEAKER_00 6:49

Yeah, it is.

SPEAKER_01 6:53

You know, there's something really feeling in what you are describing. You are not saying that erase the past, but refusing to let it ride the future, but I understand.

SPEAKER_02 7:09

Yes, we all learn. I mean, if a child falls, gets back up, they just learned a little bit more. So everything I did in my past had a very, very different upbringing. And if you have questions about that, you know, I have a no no pause at being open and honest with my past at a very, very rough life. But I think it doesn't define your future because you can always, as a bird, you don't have to fly south, you can always fly north or west or whatever, and it's making that decision to not do what you thought you had to do.

SPEAKER_01 7:48

Yeah.

Self Image Before Habits

SPEAKER_01 7:49

But Sean, when people talk about rewiring their life, the conversation often goes straight to habits and routines like wake up, journal, cold showers. But I suspect you are talking about something a little deeper than that. What actually needs to shift first before any of the external things can take hold.

SPEAKER_02 8:12

The way you see yourself. I think you have to realize the way you see yourself is more important than what you do. You can change your habits, like you said, you can take a cold shower, do whatever. But if you see yourself as the same person you were yesterday, you're gonna wake up and do inadvertently do the same thing in a different manner. If that makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 8:38

Yes, it does. And how do you help someone see that themselves, especially when they have been disconnected from their from their inner voice of long?

SPEAKER_02 8:54

I guess by helping them see what they can do, a lot of people don't have confidence, they don't have the belief that they can be somebody different. And that's the hardest part, is you have to believe in somebody for them to believe themselves.

SPEAKER_01 9:10

Yeah, yeah, and that is such an important point because no matter how much we change our behavior, but until unless we change our inner identity or our identity, the change is not going to last.

SPEAKER_02 9:31

Yes, that that's the best way to put it. Unless we change who we are, the outside, like you're just a lot of people say they're they're just a smoker. Their mom was a smoker, their dad was a smoker, their grandparents were smokers, so they're just a smoker. So that's who they think they are. Yeah. Not realizing that it's just the outcome

Resolve When Old Patterns Return

SPEAKER_02 9:51

of a habit.

SPEAKER_01 9:51

But Sean, this is a long, long game thing, isn't it? Like it's a long-term game. And real change does not happen in a weekend retreat or a week of good choices. So how do people stay in it? Especially, you know, when life gets hard, when old patterns come back, when the version of themselves they're becoming still feel. So, what is the thing that keeps them stuck?

SPEAKER_02 10:22

Reserve. I'd say reserve, resolve, being able to make the decision that no matter how you feel, you're going to do things differently and be somebody else. I mean, I went from making $14,000 a week to $14 an hour. So it was a different lifestyle, a different category. And um, I think it was just my mind was set on no matter how bad it gets, I'm going to be who I want to be.

Where To Find Sean Archer

SPEAKER_00 10:53

Sean, for people who want to connect with you or want to learn more about your work, where can they find you?

SPEAKER_02 11:00

Um, they can find me on sean archerlibs.com. That's S-E-A-N-A-R-C-H-E-R L-I-V-E-S.com. I'm hoping to release my memoir, The Invisible Leash, soon. So they should be able to find that at Barnes and Nobles or wherever else.

SPEAKER_01 11:20

Perfect. And to everyone listening, all these links are in the show notes, so just go and check those out. Sean, is there any last visits that you want to leave us with?

SPEAKER_00 11:31

Always do your best, is all I can say.

SPEAKER_01 11:37

Thank you, Sean. This is exactly the kind of conversation that reminds me why this show exists. Awesome.

SPEAKER_02 11:46

Thank you so much for having me.

Final Advice And Share Request

SPEAKER_01 11:49

And to everyone listening, if today's episode landed with you, share it. You never know who in your life is quietly waiting for the permission to start over. Subscribe to Healthy Mind, Healthy Life wherever you get your podcast and come back next time. Take care of yourself, all of yourself. Until then.