Are Your Thoughts Really Yours

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Here's a question worth sitting with. What if the thoughts you are thinking right now they aren't actually yours? What if some of them were handed over to you? Uh let's think probably by your past, by the world around you, um, by years of just absorbing what everyone else believed was true. A lot of what ifs in there, listeners. And what if changing your life had less to do with willpower, but more to do with deliberately and gradually changing the patterns running inside of your own mind? That's what we are going to explore today. And honestly, I think it might be one of the most practical conversations we have had on this show.

Meet Eric And The Goal

SPEAKER_00 0:54

So, welcome back, listeners to Healthy Mind Healthy Life. I am Sana, and yes, this is the place where we have real honest conversations about the things that shape how we think, how we feel, how we move through life. Listeners, my guest today, uh, he's a life and recovery coach of over 12 years. He's a best-selling author. He's also the podcast host of the Recovering Reality Podcast, and someone who has walked the long road from personal crisis to lasting transformation. He co-founded Recovering Reality, which is a coaching practice built around breaking free from what holds people back. And today he is here to talk about something that sounds almost too simple until you try to do it. The practical process of renewing the mind. So stay with us. Let's get into this conversation and let's welcome our guest, Eric Fredrickson. Eric, welcome to the show. And uh, I'm really excited for this chat.

SPEAKER_01 2:01

Me as well. Thank you for having me on, Sana. And um I'm excited to jump into it. I love that you use the word simple in the introduction because it can be complicated and and confusing when you've been down a bad path and spent years thinking and behaving the wrong way. Uh, but I I believe it it is. I I I don't know if I would say it's the easiest thing in the world, but it is very, very simple.

SPEAKER_00 2:32

Hmm. Let's see how it is, how it is. Because uh I mean, I'm you know, we talk a lot on the show about emotional health, about healing, about growth. And so much of it comes back to the mind. I mean, uh, we talk about neuroscience as well. I mean, it's not just what we feel, uh, but what we think and what we believe about ourselves. And then, you know, if we take it to the uh we look at the psychological aspect, we see that uh probably the most crucial uh years um till the age of seven, all of these experiences somehow shape the basic, the most innate part of our our belief system, our thought processes. But then, Eric, in your experience, um you're working with people over the years, I mean, you have been. Um, what does it actually look like when someone's mind is working against them? I mean, how exactly, you know, do they do we realize that you know our mind is working against us? Because um, like what are the patterns that you tend to see again and again?

Brain Vs Mind And Habit Loops

SPEAKER_01 3:40

Yeah, it's a it's a good question. I learned something interesting. Gosh, I don't know, this was it maybe a year ago or so. Um, and they've realized through research, like your brain doesn't actually care about you. It's actually not for you and it's not against you. Our brains, and and good distinction here, our brain and our mind are not the same thing. Our brain, the way I describe it to clients, is like your brain is the hardware piece of your iPhone, your mind is the operating system. And we can change the way that we think. But I've when I when I realized that, you know, and I I came across that study and it talked about how your brain just simply responds to what it's told, what it hears on a daily basis. And that works for good and bad, of course. You know, if we're thinking very negative thoughts, unhealthy, hopeless, we've had these uh thinking processes, these thinking patterns established over many years. Well, then our brain is just functioning according to what it's been filled with. But the good news is I'm sure a lot of your audience understand, you guys do know, you know, neuroscience. Our mind, we can change the way we think, and it changes our physical brain. So I came in, uh, it was I lived through 13 years of addiction, suicide attempt, overdose, watched a lot of my friends pass away from addiction, and just very unhealthy thinking patterns surrounding identity, uh, my future, hope towards my future, who I am, what I'm capable of, what the world really looks like. And I had to get real practical and and dive into a process of learning to think differently.

SPEAKER_00 5:25

And I think um learning to think differently. I think uh it's it's such a real picture. I mean, uh we don't always see the water we are swimming in. And I think so many of us we are we are living our whole lives inside um uh these patterns, you know. Um you know, we we thought, you know, we we never chose or never questioned. I mean, it's kind of has become this um by default or automated mode. Um so so let's let's get more into this. Let's get deeper, Eric.

What Renewing The Mind Means

SPEAKER_00 6:04

So in the intro and in fact, the topic itself, uh the phrase that you brought to this conversation, it comes from uh romance. Uh I don't know how to exactly define it, so I would love to know it from you. How did it come? But it is be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Um especially this word transformed, that's what uh kind of strikes me. Not improved or adjusted or changed or anything, but transformed. So if you can just you know give like a backstory, how did it come from there and what does it mean in in practice?

SPEAKER_01 6:44

Yeah, um, I I appreciate the way you you framed that because it is about it is about transformation. Uh so Romans 12, 2. Uh, it's the Apostle Paul writing his epistle to the church at Rome, and it says, be transformed by the renewing of your mind. That's the first half of it, but we'll focus on that. I think a lot of people come. Well, well, I know I've worked with uh hundreds and hundreds of people um over 12 years. Many people have this perspective, like this transformation comes from the inside out. And they can even get into good habits that can bring some benefits. But it's like, well, I just need to do that, and if I do this, and and then I and then I need to work out more and then need to journal and meditate, and it all just becomes this checklist. Okay, even good, it could even be good habits. But if if the transformation is not coming from the inside out, not from the outside in. From the outside in, the way I look at it is like from the outside in is like it's like struggling in quicksand. It just no matter how hard you struggle, it just becomes it, it's very difficult to make progress. But when we truly understand, it all comes down to our thinking. I mean, very simple, obvious, but you know, every action we have is first of thought. And when we get serious about our daily habits, and when we get serious about um understanding, it's a process in the same way that all of these unhealthy mindsets, you know, nature versus nurture, maybe some of its personality, how we're wired, you know. I I kind of believe every most people, nature and nurture, it's a bit of both. How we're wired a little bit, you know, but then also just the environments, uh, the conversations we have, the things that were modeled for us. But these things can these things can change, but it has to be intentional. It truly does have to be intentional. It won't just happen by reading a book and that well, I read the book, I should be completely transformed by now. No, we we need to put into action what's in what's in the book to begin to establish these new neural pathways. Even if you look that word transformation up, so the old testament is translated from Hebrew and the New Testament from Greek. And if you look the word transformation up Greek, we get our English word for the word metamorphosis. Going through, you know, the larva, the cocoon, the um, the caterpillar, you know, the butterfly, the whole the whole process. And it's it's quite simply saying it right there that we go through a metamorphosis, but it's the intentionality of understanding how we think. And some really practical things that helped me early on.

Morning Routine And Journaling Practice

SPEAKER_01 9:24

It was suggested to me to get a morning routine. Now, I had never been someone that had a morning routine coming from my past. I was early in the morning, I was hungover or sleeping. I wasn't getting up early for life, that's for sure. But when I when it got bad enough in my life and I really started to get help and get guidance and accountability in my life, it was suggested to me a morning routine. And I think a morning routine is one of the best ways to start establishing new neuropathways. And I recommend everyone uh reading, writing, and for me, praying as well. So when I wake up and I'm reading, I'm I'm immediately getting my thoughts on something that is hopeful, truth, faith, uh, something encouraging, something uplifting. I'm I'm getting something in there to begin to fill my mind, which as we know changes the physical structure of your brain. And then uh I think journaling is such an amazing tool for transformation. And I the way I would go about it is I would just read until something struck me, something jumped off the page, something was really very interesting. And I would just sometimes I would just write down exactly maybe it was a Bible verse, maybe it was a phrase from recovery, something, maybe whatever it was. I would just write it down, and then I would just start writing about what does this mean to me? What do I think about this? How is how do I apply this in my practical life? And the writing, if we look at neural pathways, it's literally like a pathway dug into the brain. Well, the writing becomes almost like a shovel digging the pathway. It's very practical because journaling, you know, if you just read studies on people who journal frequently, they have better health, they have better a stronger immune system, they have they sleep better. And I began to think through that. And I was like, why is I I've always loved writing. You know, I've I've written a book and I have stacks of journals, and I I like writing. And so it wasn't a problem for me to write, but I thought to myself, like, why is that? Why why does journaling have a direct effect on our actual physical health? And then it dawned on me as very simple. The number one cause of health problems in the whole world is stress. And journaling is gonna lower that, it's gonna calm my thoughts, center my thoughts, help me really start to address what are my core beliefs? What do I really believe? What what what are what is the mindsets I function from? And begin to dissect that and align my thinking with a new set of principles, a new way of living, and understand that it's a process as we we begin to establish these things in our life.

SPEAKER_00 12:07

And I hundred percent, hundred percent agree with you. Yes, that um uh and I don't know how many times I've said this uh over and over on other sh conversations, other shows as well, that especially that feeling of just picking up the pen, writing, you know, we we do sometimes, you know, we kind of figure out, okay, what exactly I should write down. I don't have any clue. It's kind of you know that blank uh blankness is there. You're just you know clueless what you should write. But just maybe, maybe it's even one word which is coming to your mind, just writing it down. Uh I think it is it is so therapeutic in a way. Um, and I always, I always go back to the old school ways, you know, writing, journaling. Um, in fact, you know, um uh sometimes art, music, I mean, there are other, so many other modalities and channels, but yes, I think journaling uh for me as well, um it's it's it works wonders. And sometimes, you know, uh I may not have the perfect words or language to name, you know, how I feel at that time.

SPEAKER_01 13:24

Yeah, I mean, the the good thing is it doesn't really matter. I'm the only one reading it, it's my journal. It's not like I'm putting this on the front page of the newspaper, and I I'm glad you brought up that like some, you know, because it's true, even I love writing, but I understand uh some people don't. It's hard for them, especially starting. And so like, well, what do I I've had many clients ask me, like, well, what do I what do you mean write? Like, what do I write about? Well, anything, anything, just start right, start writing about how you're feeling that day. You know, I I like starting um my time alone with God. I I I always read first because it just gets the mind going. You know, something will make sense to me, it'll get the gears moving, and then as soon as something jumps out at me, just start writing, start writing about it. What do I think about this? What what does this mean to me? How how does this become real in my life? Um, and just like it's like the the times when we don't want to do it are the times we should definitely do it. Those are the times when we can get that discipline locked in, it really is like a cheat code for transformation.

SPEAKER_00 14:38

That's very well said, Eric.

Deep Renewal Vs Surface Tweaks

SPEAKER_00 14:40

That's very well said. Um, and in in your um coaching work, um, how do you help someone understand uh the difference between um the you know the the shallow or the surface level mindset tweaks and the kind of deeper renewal you are described? Because I imagine that those can look the same from the outside, but still they feel very, very different.

SPEAKER_01 15:07

Yeah, it's a good distinction. You you made you can see uh somebody from the the outside world looking in, and maybe they have money and two nice cars in the driveway and they're picket fence, but uh I've worked with hundreds of people who have that, so to speak, and internally they're not at peace, they they they're not happy at all. And what so one of the the analogies I use to try and help this make sense to people. So say I was a hundred pounds overweight and I wanted to get in shape. Yeah, I'm like, all right, tomorrow I'm doing it. Um I'm getting up early, I'm gonna go to the gym twice. I'm gonna stop eating sugar, I'm gonna, I'm gonna get to bed early. I'm gonna and it's like, no, you're probably not. That's a pretty big jump from going to not working out at all, all of a sudden, I'm just gonna there's probably some people out there who've done it somewhere at some point, and that's amazing. But for the average person, it doesn't work like that. And so the way I describe it is spiritually speaking, it's it's rather the same, and I call it spiritual fitness. And it's like if I want to get in shape emotionally, mentally, spiritually, from the inside out, not the outside in, not a checklist where I'm hoping brings all this change about. But, you know, and a lot of those habits people put on their checklist are still good. But when it comes from the inside out, it's completely different. It grows deep roots. You start operating from a set of principles and perspective towards the world that are ingrained in you. And so if I wanted to get in shape spiritually, well, I can't be like you ever heard the quote, uh, don't get mad at the results you didn't get from the work you didn't do. Yeah. I don't know where it came from. I've probably heard five people say it by now, so I don't know who coined it. But I've I've heard that quote. And that's why I talk about spiritual fitness. It's like if if I'm gonna spend the time every day working on my mind, my heart, my my faith, my journaling, my reading. Well, it's not like so. For someone maybe who's never done this, um, and you just, you know, you you finish listening to this and you just like, all right, I'm gonna do it. And you sit down and journal for 20 minutes and read, and maybe it's pray or meditate or something. And then right afterwards, you're like, well, everything's not changed right now, so maybe this doesn't work. It's like, this is a discipline, this is a implementation of daily habits that will transform everything from the inside out, but it's also not a magic trick. In the same way that a bunch of unhealthy thinking, negative habits, unhealthy habits were established in our life. They didn't happen overnight. They didn't happen, just snap your fingers. Well, the transformation doesn't either. But when we become discipline, faith, hope, some hope that like this worked for somebody else, it should work for me. You know, like I'm building towards something different and begin to stay encouraged in that process, it's it's gonna transform people from the inside out.

SPEAKER_00 18:14

And one thing, I mean, I I I really want to, you know, put this as a highlight because it's not going to happen overnight, you know, uh whether it's weight loss or uh I mean, I had I had also gone through a journey of losing weight, Eric. And uh survival. It didn't happen in three months or 90 days or six months. It took for me, I think, one full year and another year to sustain it because it's easy. I mean, comparatively, it's easy to lose the weight, but then it's not easy to sustain it. You know, you you tend to uh completely, you know, go back to your old ways and then once again gain. And and that part, I mean, not just from the physical aspect, but from the mental and emotional aspect, it's a very, very difficult place to to you know kind of uh imagine. Uh so it's it's doesn't happen overnight.

SPEAKER_01 19:13

No.

Staying Consistent After Progress

SPEAKER_01 19:15

It it doesn't. And and you brought up something important, you know. So I work with a lot of people that struggle with uh addiction, drugs, and alcohol. But I also work with a good amount of people that don't. And I mean the good news about that is this the same approach will bring transformation to anybody's life. But I work with a lot of people who it's addiction, and there's two times when people go back. You know, you made the distinction with food. Uh so there's the obvious early on where it's just hard. We have a lot of mindsets established, a lot of people in addiction, they're dealing with a mess, whether it's jay legal trouble, family, jobs, just it creates big, big problems in people's lives. So there's the obvious where people relapse, you know, call it in the in the recovery world, but then there's the not so obvious, and you kind of alluded to it, and that's that things get good again. All of a sudden we're getting the results we work towards. All of a sudden we're we're experiencing some freedom. You know, for you, you you mentioned, you know, like you you saw the breakthrough, you you started to get in shape. And then what kind of happens oftentimes is, or sometimes at least in people's journey, is they're like, oh, I'm good. I I did it. Yeah, I'm cured, I'm fit, I got my results. I I got it. And all of a sudden, slowly old mindsets start creeping in. And well, I don't need to, I don't need to do anything today. I'm good. I I I got I got my reward. And then it slowly starts creeping back in, and we find ourselves um slipping back into old habits. And that's why operating from a mentality, a a set of of principles is I just think extremely valuable because it's gonna continue to fuel us even when we get the breakthrough, understanding. I mean, essentially we can we can go as far as we want when it comes to getting healthy.

SPEAKER_00 21:06

Right. Thanks.

Resilience When Life Hits Hard

SPEAKER_00 21:08

And Eric, I I know we are uh short on time, but I think this is also a very, very important uh uh aspect of any any kind of discussion or conversation, especially when it talks about uh renewal or or personal development or you know, uh especially when life pushes back. Um I mean what happens, you know, let's say, Eric, we we are doing the work, we are genuinely renewing our thinking, but then life hits hard again. Um and grief or or loss or failure, relationships uh falling apart, you know. I mean, not everyone would have that privilege uh to have everything, you know, and life is is an unpredictable. So how how do we keep the foundation intact when the circumstances Are doing everything to pull you back into the old patterns.

SPEAKER_01 22:04

Yeah, it's good that you're Prado because in going in this process, anyone that has lived any amount of it, or just life in general, life happens. You know, things things come up we don't expect, uh old things pull at us. Yeah, it it is the truth. There is gonna be opposition in doing these daily habits, you know, in being real intentional about this, it doesn't mean you're never gonna have a problem again the rest of your life. It doesn't mean that. What it does mean is it completely changes the way that we respond to what life throws at us. And I look at it like this. First of all, I'm not sitting here saying, like, oh God, please send me some trials, you know, please send me some challenges right now. Like, uh, no, thank you. But I'm not foolish enough to believe they're not coming. It's called life. And I look at it like this. Um, I'll try and get you someone's, I'm sure maybe someone shared this on your podcast. It's a pretty popular term, but it's uh uh the buffalo mentality. And cattle in buffalo respond to storms completely different. If there's a storm coming east to west, the cattle try and outrun it. If there's a storm coming east to west, the what the buffalo do instinctually is the exact opposite and they run straight at it because it minimizes their time in the storm. And so I tell people all the time, you know, the shortcut to growth, the the shortcut to transformation is the hard route. Because it's it's walking through challenges that life throws at us and handling them to the very best of our ability the right way. That's one like you get wisdom inside of those challenges, you cannot get any other way. You you gain strength going through those things that's not accessible to you unless you go through it. You learn how you learn to be more intentional, you learn to be more accountable, you learn to be way more honest. You know, it's a huge part of this process. You got to get real honest. You you got to get honest with yourself, um, your vision, your values. You got to get real honest. And when you do that, it's not always comfortable. It's just really not. But when we can understand that, you know, that short-term discomfort has a reward on the other side. So I'm going through this trial, this challenge life has thrown at me. And I'm gonna keep this vision in perspective for the very best of my ability. I'm gonna keep this vision in perspective. Well, you just gain a level of wisdom, insight, strength, endurance, perseverance, hope, faith that you can't get unless you go through it. But then you come out the other side and it's essentially like there's you just were given a massive upgrade. And now you just have way more ability to handle life as it comes at you.

SPEAKER_00 24:52

Exactly. Exactly. Well, I really loved how you actually articulated it, Eric. Um, and then I think uh Well, I appreciate it.

SPEAKER_01 25:01

I'll just say this. I I understand so much of this because I've done it the wrong way before, and I got tired of it.

SPEAKER_00 25:06

Absolutely, absolutely.

Where To Find Eric And Closing

SPEAKER_00 25:08

Uh, Eric, uh, before we wrap up, um, I I I believe now our listeners, um, they would definitely would want to go deeper with your work, the coaching, your podcast, the book as well. So, yeah, where's the where's the best place for them to find you and connect?

SPEAKER_01 25:25

Absolutely. Well, I appreciate it. And so it's uh everything recovering reality. The website is recoveringreality.com, uh, the podcast, uh recovering reality podcast, uh, the book, Recovering Reality Freeman, uh, Freedom from the Torment of Addiction. Uh, we have an academy you can find through the website. It's we're we're trying to make it as simple and easy for us and everyone else. Everything's recovering reality.

SPEAKER_00 25:52

Wow, super. So, listeners, I'll have uh the link mentioned in the show notes. And uh yeah, find them attached along with this episode. And uh Eric, thank you. Thank you so much. Um, I really loved how uh I mean you brought, of course, you shared your journey and of course uh the honesty, the practicality that you brought in there. And of course, for reminding us the transformation, it isn't something that happens to us, it is something that you know we we um participate in one thought at a time. So thank you so much.

SPEAKER_01 26:28

Oh sonam, thank you very much. It's a privilege coming on. I love what you guys are doing, I appreciate it.

SPEAKER_00 26:34

Thank you so much, Eric. Thank you. And listeners, if today's conversation stirs something in you, sit with it, maybe journal it down, or you can record it, or maybe you can just look at the mirror and maybe just have a quick conversation with yourself. And yes, do share the episode with someone who might need it and come back next time. We'll be here. This is Healthy Mind Healthy Life, part of the Healthy Mind Mavic Network. Take care of yourself. We'll see you soon. Thank you.