The Quiet Terror Of Rock Bottom

SPEAKER_00 0:06

There is a moment, and maybe you have had it, and you look around your life and think, How did I get here? Not in a reflective philosophical way, in the quiet, raw, quiet, terrifying way. Where everything you thought you would build is gone or crumbling or just not enough to hold you anymore. Rothbottom is not a dramatic scene from a movie. For most people, it is painfully ordinary. And the hardest part is not falling. It is figuring out how to take even one step after. Welcome back to Healthy Mind, Healthy Life. I'm your host, Yusuf. And this is the space where we have honest conversations about mental health that most people are afraid to start. Today's guest is a father, an Air Force veteran, and someone who has walked through loss, trauma, and serious injury, and came out the other side with hard-earned wisdom and a practical framework to share. Please welcome Ryan Castleberry. Ryan, I'm genuinely glad you're here.

SPEAKER_01 1:22

Thank you for uh allowing me to be a part of this.

SPEAKER_00 1:28

Welcome. So, Ryan, before we get into a depth of everything, I want to start somewhere personal. So if you had to point to one moment, not the lowest point necessarily, but the moment where something inside you shifted and said, Okay, I have to try differently. What did that moment feel like for you?

SPEAKER_01 1:53

So after my motorcycle accident, and I was told that I wouldn't be able to run again. And three months before that, I completed an ultra marathon with no training. And so it completely left me clueless of, you know, because that's how I defined who I was. And so I was forced to turn and just do what I could when I could. And at that point, just walking was the best that I could do, you know. And looking back, I mean, I've made complete, you know, such growth from there. But it all started with just doing what you could when you could. And I think that was monumental, you know, through the healing process.

SPEAKER_00 2:42

And you know, and there's this idea most of us carry around that people who rebuild their lives have some kind of defining moment, you know, a grand turning point where everything just clicks for them. But I get the sense from your experience was a lot less cinematic than that.

SPEAKER_01 3:02

Well, so so my moment was my daughter was three years old and sitting in the back of my car, back of our vehicle, and I was in the process of losing everything, you know, trying to recover, trying to heal. And she wanted French fries from McDonald's. I couldn't afford to buy her $2 French fries. And I remember sitting there having that moment and just gut-wrenching hearing her cries because I couldn't, you know, provide something simple for her. And just having

A Father’s Moment Of No Return

SPEAKER_01 3:33

that moment where I decided I would never be back in that moment ever again. Little did I know that that would be the same thing that would cause, you know, the separation between the two of us. Um, as she felt that, you know, that I chose work and things like that over her when in my eyes, I was, you know, choosing to provide and do what I felt father should do.

SPEAKER_00 4:02

So and when you were in it, like did you even recognize it as your rock bottom at the time, or is that something you name later when you look back at it?

SPEAKER_01 4:17

Uh that moment was definitely like gut-wrenching, and definitely like right in your face. You felt it, you knew it. Yeah, and and I remember getting home and just sitting in my own self, you know, in my own skin, and just you know, have having that internal dialogue with yourself of I don't want to be here and I don't want this to ever happen again. And you know, I knew from there things had to change.

SPEAKER_00 4:47

Yeah. You've talked about failure, about losing relationships, about financial movements that were genuinely heart-wrenching, including not being able to afford something as small as French fries for a daughter. I want to sit with that for a moment because underneath those external circumstances, there's something that happens internally. You know, to identify to self-worth to the story we tell ourselves about who we are. How do you think was really being broken down in you during those years beneath the surface?

SPEAKER_01 5:30

Well, so I believe that you know, we're a growth in process, you know, and it's a life is a journey, not a destination. Um, and and I remember pushing away somebody I loved very much, and then realizing she was gone. There was no coming back. And just having that moment of knowing I never wanted to be in that situation ever again. You know, I'd pushed away the people I loved. And, you know, it was because I didn't want to hurt them from a brain injury and, you know, how I was showing up in life. But it was that moment where I realized it was my turn to, you know, to grow and to and

Therapy And The Messy Rebuild

SPEAKER_01 6:10

to step up. And that's actually when I jumped deep into, you know, therapy. And uh I found a therapist that, man, he spoke my language and he would tell me things I didn't want to hear, you know, and he would say it in a way, I didn't want to hear it, but he had a way of saying it, and it was okay to come from him, you know, and and and that's where the real work started for me.

SPEAKER_00 6:34

I see. And for fathers specifically, is there something about feeling while also being responsible for a child, you know, that adds a particular kind of weight to all of this?

SPEAKER_01 6:48

Well, uh, as a father and just as a parent in general, I think, you know, our biggest desire is for our children to not feel, you know, the pain and the struggles that we felt. And, you know, I felt like it became my responsibility to pass my lessons on to my daughter because that's the only way she's ever gonna avoid the struggles and the pains that you know I experienced is by having the knowledge and the tools that I didn't have, you know, going into my situations.

SPEAKER_00 7:27

Let's talk about rebuilding, like what rebuilding actually look like in everyday life. What did those early days of trying to do something different actually feel like? Because I think people imagine it as this forward momentum, but I suspect it was a lot messier than that.

SPEAKER_01 7:47

Absolutely. Uh, so I spent six weeks in a brain injury rehab, and before that, I was actually a fitness trainer, extremely fit, extremely healthy. And and every day I would just I would give that uh my therapist just grief, you know. Give me something hard, give, you know. And one day she's like, I got something special for you today. And next thing I know, she'd got me standing on one leg, you know, stretched out. Man, my legs are quivering, and every part of me wanting to break down. And I'm like, what in the world is this? And she's like, Oh, that's Pilates. I do it five days a week. And Pilates is nothing I never experienced before. Um, the hard part was I didn't always show up the way I wish I could have. You know, I caused pain and hurt to a lot of people that I loved. And it got to a point where I realized, you know, that the people I love and care about are worth better than what I've been showing. And that's where the real work came, where I I had to stop using excuses, you know, and start making changes. And that's, you know, where it got ugly and it wasn't very pretty, and it was painful, and a lot of self-reflection, and it's not always it's not always the fun part, but getting through it, you know, it has created a more peaceful me.

SPEAKER_00 9:16

And I'm thankful I put that work in people feel or just assume that you know, once you start doing things, it'll be in a straight path. Like it'll be happy, happy, happy, forward, forward, forward. From your experience, what was it like actually? Was there setbacks? Again hitting, you know, losses, a few setbacks, then again pushing.

SPEAKER_01 9:50

Well, so like I know when I was going through therapy, all the time felt like everything that was wrong with me, you know, it had become such a heavy, you know, like here you are trying to change, you're trying to be a better person, but the rest of the world still sucks. You're like, I'll put it in the work, and they're not. And why am I feeling all the pain? Um and then it dawned on me one day, you know, everything that I've been looking at that's wrong with me is also what's right with me, you know, the those bad traits, you know, like like somebody, you know, say somebody who's addicted to drugs or bad choices, you know, if they dig deeper, the those same, those same features are what make wonderful entrepreneurs, you know, and it's just a matter of how we frame it, you know, and what we direct it towards, whether we define it as bad or good. But you know, so even everything that's wrong with you is also what's right with you. And

The 30 Day Climb And Small Wins

SPEAKER_01 10:56

that's what I had to realize, you know, to make it not so heavy going through the process.

SPEAKER_00 11:04

I see. And you developed things you call the 30-day climb, a framework built around small, consistent action. Can you explain what is that?

SPEAKER_01 11:16

So, you know, it like we want we want it changed in our life, and you know, people come up with these diets, these fitness plans, and and we jump in for three days, and after three days, we're like, I don't want to do this anymore, you know, and people actually following through with it is usually, you know, it's very low percentage. And what I found was it's not trying to get everything done and you know, everything all one day, you know, fitness isn't all in one workout, it's consistent, you know, each day. You know, for look if you're trying to get you know fit and healthy, just start showing up to the gym, you know, your workouts are gonna start to increase, you know, when it comes to nutrition and diet. Instead of going on that crash diet, just try to make a better choice at each meal, you know, and over time it becomes more of a more of a life, you know, a life choice and not feeling forced. And that's made it way more, you know, digestible for me. And and I look at my life now compared to what it was, you know, 10, 20 years ago, and it I'm much happier with the just making small choices to to get in the right direction.

Where To Find Ryan And Final Steps

SPEAKER_00 12:43

Ryan, for people who want to connect with you or just want to learn more about your work, where can you do that?

SPEAKER_01 12:49

Uh so RyanCastleberry.com, and I also uh just recently uh published a book.

SPEAKER_00 12:55

Wow. Perfect. Do you have any links for that? Like your social media, your LinkedIn, etc.

SPEAKER_01 13:03

Uh yeah, so my LinkedIn is uh the Castleberry team, and uh and then of course RyanCastleberry.com, you know, will give you access to everything as well. Um and of course, so I'm on every other, you know, platform you can think of.

SPEAKER_00 13:22

Perfect. And to everyone listening, all these links are in the show notes, so just go and check those out.

SPEAKER_01 13:28

Wonderful.

SPEAKER_00 13:29

Ryan, is there any last message that you want to leave us with?

SPEAKER_01 13:34

No, it it's just it comes down to one step, one foot in front of the other. Small choices and you know consecutive steps, just keep pushing, and over time life, you know, life goes in the direction that you're shooting for.

SPEAKER_00 13:55

Doug, Ryan, thank you so much for coming and uh genuinely for the honesty, for the vulnerability, and for showing up and making this the kind of conversation that I think a lot of people needed today.

SPEAKER_01 14:11

Wonderful. And thank you for letting me be a part and hopefully we can do this again sometime.

SPEAKER_00 14:17

Yes, of course. And to everyone listening, if something in today's episode landed with you, share it with someone who might need it. You never know who is quietly waiting for a conversation like this to find it. This has been Healthy Mind, Healthy Life. I am Yusuf. Take care of yourself, and we'll see you in the next one.