Kinesiology And Quiet Healing

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Listeners, you must have, or maybe you haven't heard about this word, kinesiology. Now, whenever we talk about healing, especially this particular version of healing, you know, that looks invisible from the outside. There is no dramatic turning point, there is no just single conversation or just magical moment that changes everything. It's just a body that has been holding something heavy for years. And then it is slowly and slowly, quietly, learning to let it go. So kinesology might not be the first word that comes up when we talk about healing from abuse. But for many women out there, it has been the bridge between knowing they needed to heal and actually being able to feel it. And today we are going to sit with that. So welcome back, listeners to Healthy Mind, Healthy Life. I am Sana, your host, and yes, this is the space where we have honest, grounded conversations about what it truly means to take care of your mental and emotional health. Not just on the good days, but especially, especially on the hard ones.

Meet Amanda J. Scott

SPEAKER_00 1:22

And listeners, today's episode is going to be a bit tender and very important because today I'm sitting with someone. So she's a kinesiologist, she's an author survivor who runs a clinic specializing in supporting women and children who have experienced abusive relationships. She's the author of Finding My Way Back to Me. And through her own life journey of 17 years in an emotionally and financially abusive relationship, she now helps others moving from surviving to truly living. So, listeners, let's welcome our incredible guest, Amanda J. Scott. Amanda, welcome to the show. And I'm really, really honored having you here.

SPEAKER_01 2:06

Oh lovely. Well, thank you so much for having me on your show today. Thank you, and hello to all the listeners out there.

SPEAKER_00 2:14

Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Um, okay, Amanda, before we get into the the kinesiology, the work that you do with women and children, um, I I I would love to start. Uh I would like to start uh with something personal, uh, because um your path to this work, it's uh not just you know research or it's coming from a textbook, but it actually came from life. It actually came from lived experiences. Yeah. Um for you, what was that moment or maybe you know maybe season your realization that made you think that you want to help other women the way you wished someone would have helped you?

How Abuse Hides For Years

SPEAKER_01 3:04

Well, I experienced domestic abuse in a marriage for 17 years, yet for the longest time of that, I didn't realize that what I was living with was abuse. Because abuse takes many forms and it's often hidden, you know, whether it's emotional, financial, um, sexual or physical or spiritual, it creates a feeling of shame in the abuse that keeps them stuck. Um, you see, nobody wants to feel unloved and uncared for. So we make excuses for our partner's behavior rather than accept the truth that we are being abused. So that's why I um wanted to share my lived experience to shine more light on this issue. As uh my greatest hope is for people to um become have support and and and become aware that um everybody deserves the opportunity to heal and grow from an abusive uh relationship.

SPEAKER_00 4:16

And and uh one very important uh aspect or you know, this I shouldn't say pattern, Amanda, but uh first of all, yes. Um I I'm I'm speaking from from my perspective, um that either we do not want to actually say it out loud because there could be multiple multiple reasons in there. One primarily being that um there is fear, um we are or we think that you know it's going to trouble um trouble people out there, or uh sometimes it can be that control that manip not manipulation, that control that force that you know um from all the sides, from all the sides, emotionally, financially, that that we cannot see any option out there to go out and and share this with with you know or report this or or uh do something, take an action about it. So and and then also, you know, one thing which I kind of find it very interesting is um people on the other side, they would, and and this is not to not to kind of remark or just um um take a take a uh give an idea that you know people are insensitive, but still, whenever, especially when it comes to domestic abuse or emotionally or uh physically abusive relationships, um, people would have to kind of you know assume that uh why don't you get out of that? Yeah, just just get out of that, just break up or you know, file for a divorce and get out of it. Honestly, it's it's not that easy.

Naming Abuse And Real Love

SPEAKER_01 6:11

No, and this is one of the most, the first and the most powerful step a woman can take is to actually admit it and acknowledge it that she is in an abusive relationship. I mean, it might sound simple, as you said, to someone on the outside, but when you are living in it, it is one of the hardest truths to face because we make excuses, we normalize the behavior and we tell ourselves it's not that bad, especially when there are no broken bones or bruises to prove the pain. But you see, the emotional and the financial abuse erode your spirit over time, and you know, sometimes these wounds are the hardest to name and heal.

SPEAKER_00 7:11

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 7:13

So the first step is at acknowledging it because we really need to find out okay, so what is a healthy relationship? What is it? We need to have clarity over what it is, and it is a place of safety, of love, of respect, of mutual growth. But when abuse is present, whether that's emotional or financial or spiritual or or physical, it strips away at those foundations and it leaves you living in survival. And so without a healthy love, this is our health suffers. Yeah, I guess. So it's really coming back to having clarity what it is, because that's why we normalize a behavior. We put up with a lot, you know. In my case, abuse grew slowly, and what started out as one incident of disrespect became two and three until eventually it became the way I lived.

SPEAKER_00 8:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:23

So, you know, I was told I was stupid. So it didn't take long before I believed that. And that meant that each time I was treated badly became my fault because I thought if I was better, things would be better. So this is how you know it happens gradually, slowly. So the first step is really to acknowledge it and to have clarity: what is that healthy relationship? You know, because in a healthy relationship, there is freedom. You can actually speak your truth. And you can make mistakes and you can set boundaries and still be loved. But the most important thing is respect is not negotiable. It is the baseline.

SPEAKER_00 9:13

And, you know, sorry to interrupt, Amanda. Uh but it's like, you know, you have to, you don't have to put in put a put a different character on or put a different mask on when you come back home, you are with your partner. You don't have to pretend because you are kind of conforming to the expectations, to the standards, unfortunately. And and secondly, um, and uh this kind of you know, it will definitely connect uh with the conversation further. We are going to have is how the body it starts to um it starts to record those emotional uh those thoughts, those feelings, yeah, uh, those reactions.

When The Body Holds Emotions

SPEAKER_00 9:57

Um, and uh it kind of manifests in the body. And we gradually, I mean, uh I mean the the person who's going through, they gradually could realize that yes, my body is trying to scream out loud.

SPEAKER_01 10:13

Um but yeah, absolutely, because emotional health, some it, you know, that was something that I ignored for years. You know, I I smiled through the pain, I dressed up to cover that heartbreak that I felt. And I thought if I kept going, if I kept holding it all together, um, it would all be okay. But um what I came to understand is that emotional health is just as important as your physical health, because our bodies, you know, they hold on to those emotions, you know, the emotions that we refuse to feel, the ones that the words that we don't uh we never say. So when we push those down and when we suppress those emotions, they don't disappear. They don't disappear, they store in the body as tension, uh, exhaustion, illness. So the first thing is the healing begins, well, it began for me when I stopped running away from those emotions and when I started to listen to them, and I had time, you know, to check in uh to see how I felt and and just noticing it. And I think that's really the start of it. That's the start, you know. Um, my starting point didn't begin after the abuse ended, it began while I was still in it. Those tiny little

Self-Care As A First Step

SPEAKER_01 11:52

acts of awareness um in an environment where you don't yet have the options, but uh, you know, my uh first empowered steps to say uh weren't visible to anyone else, they were internal. I was noticing when something didn't feel right. I was registering registering it, you know, instead of uh dismissing it, allowing myself to think it doesn't make sense, even if I couldn't say that out loud. Because when you are controlled, taking decisive action can actually feel unsafe.

SPEAKER_00 12:39

And Amara, you were wondering about the steps, yeah. Please go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 12:43

But also healing, I must say that healing, once you've adm, I'll come back to this, once you've admitted it, right, that cracks open that door. Yeah, and you might not know all the answers, right? You might not be ready to take that next step, but by simply admitting it, it cracks open to that door to freedom. And this is when you start to uh when you begin the journey back to you. And um you just need to make one decision, you know, that I will not live like this any longer, because to reclaim your power. Because walking on eggshells, being afraid, being silenced, uh, questioning your own worth is not the way to live. That is not love, and that is not life, and it's certainly not a healthy life. So it's really um yeah, about admitting it. And because once you've done that you start to prioritize your own needs. And for me, I needed to get to the park. And I went to the park, I needed to have space to breathe. So your self-care is really important as you're going through any uh but your self-care is number one, really, because often we condition ourselves to think that we we should come last, that we're we're more loving and loyal and good if we come last. But that's not true. We only become more lost. So self-care is the next step to take once you've admitted it. Yeah. So healing, you know, it doesn't happen all at once. It's not a single decision, you know, it's a daily commitment, which I'm still doing today, because you know, each time you choose yourself, when you uh you know speak up, even though even though your voice may be trembling at first, you know, when you rest, when you cry, when you pour yourself a cup of tea, you know, when you go to the park like I did, instead of returning to the chaos, you are reclaiming those pieces of yourself, those lost pieces of yourself. And that's how it's done by slowly rebuilding yourself. So that you're, you know, when you start proving to yourself, self-care is about when you start proving to yourself in a real tangible ways that your well-being is worth protecting. It's a daily commitment to say that I matter, I matter, to go to the park just to spend some time there. Uh it's it's you know, it's always my reset button that I go to even now. So really, it's about every time you know you honor your needs, you rebuild that self-worth. And every moment you choose yourself, it's not being selfish, but you are actually strengthening the belief that you deserve the life you are creating. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 16:51

Exactly. Exactly.

What Kinesiology Looks Like

SPEAKER_00 16:53

Uh and and Amana, um you know kinesiology uh for for someone uh let's say who has never experienced a kinesiology session. Uh, in fact, for me as well, I would also love to know. Can you walk us through what it might feel like for a woman who comes in um carrying years of something she hasn't been able to name it yet?

SPEAKER_01 17:19

Well, that's right, yes. I mean, it's you know, people come to me that have been experiencing it or going through it at the moment, or come to the stage, well, what now? What do I do? So really, I think the most first step is some people don't know whether it is abuse or it's not abuse, or you know, it's it's like identifying it, whether, you know, it's um so that first acknowledgement, and um, you know, my story is not about telling women what they should do or shouldn't do, because it's all about that every woman's path is just uh you know, every woman's path is is different, you know, everybody does it at the right time, at the right pace. There's no, you know, there's no time, you know. Uh but I want what I want um them to see is that the their feelings um they have that confusion or the exhaustion or that loss of self, that's real and that's valid. So sometimes when someone hears a story like you know, uh of my story, that reflects their own experience and something shifts, you know, it creates a small opening where truth can enter. So, really, with that kinesiology, it's really about finding that first step. You know, the first step is that uh acknowledging what is going on, and it's not about judging, it's just about simply, you know, seeing it clearly. And then once we've seen once I've seen that clearly, and once I saw that clearly, then I had to I needed clarity. So that's when it starts to you you start to understand that you know the shame you've been carrying, it may not belong to you. You begin to see the patterns, the beliefs that were placed on you conditioned, the ways you slowly lost connection with your own voice and and worth. So this is you need to have that clarity to make sense out of it. Because once you make sense out of it, you can shift to the next stage. So this is where you want to begin to understand yourself again, that clarity. And then with with that, then once you have that clarity, then you can build momentum. You can start taking, moving forward. It doesn't mean that you've got a dramatic big changes overnight. It's just those small steps. As I said, those small steps walking in the park, you know, giving yourself space to breathe, to know what it feels like to be in peace amongst the trees, amongst the birds, you know, to be able to allow yourself to feel that. So each small step builds that trust within yourself. And so we go through um with kinesiology muscle testing, finding out what are those beliefs that we need to change. Yeah. Do you are you do you deserve, you know, are you worthy of that? And we are all like that, you know, we are worthy. And but, you know, the um uh one of the um self-belief is the start of changing everything in your world, you know, the easiest thing is to blame other people, but it's not until we deserve a bit more and we will not accept abuse any longer that things can actually start to change. So for abuse to stop, stop believing in yourself and know your self-worth. So we get into the values and we get into that because you know, for a for a long time, um, I lived in a world where I'd forgotten my values and I allowed others to define it for me. So this Is really about coming back, but coming back to your true self, yeah, and to your integrity with yourself.

SPEAKER_00 22:11

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 22:12

And this is having support. So um I give women support to get through this, to get through this difficult patch. Um, because you know, when you change and you change your beliefs and you change your behaviors, then it means sometimes you're disappointing other people. You have to have those difficult conversations, yeah? And it might mean, you know, standing in your truth. But with each you know, choice that you're making, a line that is true to you, that's when your trust returns and your emotional stability returns as well. So it's building and helping and supporting women to find their strength and confidence to get through this um to reconnect with themselves. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:18

And Amana, before we I know we are short on time, but still, um before we we wrap up, um uh for for someone listening to this right now who hasn't uh told anyone yet, not a friend, not a family member, not a professional, but someone who is still quietly carrying this and maybe they are even sure what to call it, what what would you want her to hear from you today?

A Message For The Silent Listener

SPEAKER_01 23:49

Well, I think well, the truth is you do not need anybody else's permission to call it abuse. If it feels wrong, if you feel small or trapped or constantly questioning your worth, that is enough. You don't have to wait for it to get worse. Your feelings are valid and your pain is real. You know it is the beginning where you wake up to the truth, and that's the hardest thing of all. Because once you've made that decision, you don't need to have it all figured out, like I said. You just need to start, and I promise you there is life beyond the pain. You know, there is joy, there is clarity, there's peace, but most importantly, there is support, and you don't have to walk this road uh road alone, you don't. There are people out there that have found their way back, like me, and we are here to show you that you can too.

Support Links And Closing Thoughts

SPEAKER_00 25:11

That's very empowering, Amanda. Very empowering, and uh of course, um, if our listeners they would like to connect with you, reach out to you. Yeah, uh, what's what's what are the best ways?

SPEAKER_01 25:24

Yes, on my website, um, which is amandajyscott.com. And there I've got some blogs and um things to read about. Um, my books on there, Finding My Way Back to Me, which is a quick and easy read, but as a very powerful reminder that we all deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. Exactly. And if anybody would want any support or help getting through it, please send me an email and I will personally reply to you. And um yeah, because I know the courage it takes to say enough, enough is enough. Um, because I lived it, and and also I know uh the freedom and I know the love that is waiting on the other side.

SPEAKER_00 26:20

Beautiful, beautiful. And yes, listeners, I'll have all the links mentioned in the show notes. So, yes, just find the metash along with this episode on whichever podcast platform you are listening to Healthy Man Healthy Life. And uh Amanda, thank you so much. Thank you so much uh for your honesty, for your courage, for the work you do, and then also for reminding us that healing isn't something that happens to us, it is something that we slowly, sometimes quietly, we choose for ourselves. So thank you so much for the synchro.

SPEAKER_01 26:59

Wonderful. Thank you so much, and uh thank you, listeners, and um yes, healthy mind and a healthy life. That's um yes, that number one thing. Number one thing. And uh it's it's yes, having I think the most important thing is remembering, constantly remembering that you deserve to be happy and that no one else's happiness is more important than yours. And that and that no one should live uh with being constantly disrespected in any situation at all.

SPEAKER_00 27:45

Absolutely, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 27:46

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 27:47

Thank you, thank you, Manna, and thank you to all the listeners. Uh, if today's conversation touched something in you, I want you to know you don't have to have it all figured out, you just have to take one step toward yourself, and that's enough for today. And yes, this is Helldi Mine Healthy Life. I am Sana. Please take care of yourself, and I'll see you in the next episode. Thank you.