The Question That Opens The Wound

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Listeners, what if the thing that hurt you the most? The thing that you never asked for never deserved or you couldn't control that that turned out to be your greatest one of your greatest professional assets. And today's conversation it is about trauma. And it's not the clinical kind, not the kind that you read about in textbooks. But then it's the everyday kind that moves in. And it never honestly it never really leaves unless unless you learn how to put it into the work. So stay with me because this is going to be a tender conversation.

Why This Conversation Gets Tender

SPEAKER_00 0:50

So yes, welcome back, dear listeners to Healthy Man and Healthy Life. I'm your host, Sana, and yes, if you are new here, let me tell you this is the space where we have honest, real conversations. The kind most people are afraid to start about what it actually takes to live well from the inside out. He's a creative strategist, he's also the co-founder of Metacomet Studio, who has built a career out of turning unconventional experiences, including uh complicated upbringing. Years spent learning from a notoriously difficult executive and an instinct for reading rooms that most people spent decades textbooks, coaching, whatnot, just trying to develop that skill into something that genuinely helps people. Let me tell you, my guest works with nonprofits, small businesses, and community organizations to help them find their story and also build real momentum. But then it's not just about the achievements or or the roles and the titles, but we are going a little deeper. We're talking about trauma, what it actually does to us, and why making it pay rent might be the most honest thing you can do with it. So, listeners, let's welcome our guest, Adam Zee. Adam, welcome to the show and I'm really, really honored.

SPEAKER_01 2:29

Thank you. Thank you so much for having me and wonderful intro. I'm really happy to be here with you today.

SPEAKER_00 2:35

Thank you so much, Adam. And yes, before we before we talk about, we get into the heavier stuff, um, I would I would love to start with something that you have described about yourself.

An Unconventional Childhood And Fast Growing Up

SPEAKER_00 2:47

So you have you have described yourself as someone uh who took an unconventional path. You know, when I was reading the intro, it kind of, you know, um uh triggered this thought in my mind. So what does that actually mean, Adam? You know, when you try to explain, let's say to me or maybe I'm in a dinner party or just a normal conversation.

SPEAKER_01 3:07

Yeah, I mean, really, I, you know, I grew up with um my mother, she had mental illness. And so it was a little bit of a unconventional childhood. Um, and it kind of forced me to grow up a little bit faster than most people. Um, and for any of the listeners that have someone in their family struggling with mental illness, you learn to read the room a lot. You learn to look for signs, especially when it's parent. Um, it can be really difficult when you see a parent struggling with that. And you kind of take on a little bit of a caregiver role. Um, and that really, without me knowing it at the time, kind of set the groundwork for what would later be one of my greatest assets in my career. Um and, you know, having developing those skills at a young age is was difficult, but it it's something that, you know, as you're going through someone who's gone through trauma or kind of a difficult childhood, you you kind of have two choices. And and one is to either kind of let it rule you or um, you know, master it and kind of take control of it to the best of your ability. And luckily, I, you know, through a lot of work and effort, uh did the latter. And, you know, that's something that I've kind of carried through into my career. And it makes it really easy for for kind of adapting to situations and and learning, you know, from anybody in the room, really.

SPEAKER_00 4:37

Hmm. Hmm. And it's it's interesting. And I also uh feel, Adam, that uh it kind of has become your strength or your superpower. And this is not that dismissing, dismissing the um repercussions or the kind of scars that leaves behind, especially uh when it comes to mental health. It's a very sensitive, very, very crucial one as well. But still, I I believe, as you mentioned, uh it's definitely a choice. Um, and we'll definitely explore that further, Adam, in the conversation.

Trauma As A Freeloader

SPEAKER_00 5:16

So let's let's uh first start uh with this phrase that you use. Um, trauma is a freeloader. Okay, now I think most of us, um I include myself, whether we use the word trauma or not, um we have kind of felt that uh something happened, maybe it's it was not something that we chose, and somehow it's just there. It's there, it's it'll it like feels heavy. You're like carrying the entire weight on your shoulders, and you didn't even ask for it. But then what most people get wrong about that, I think they either try to outrun it or they completely surrender it. You know, that's where I think that you mentioned choice, it matters. But then what would you say is the most common misconception we carry about trauma, how it actually works in our lives?

SPEAKER_01 6:11

Yeah, and I think this is different for everybody. And I'm not a mental health professional. I can only speak from my personal experience. And for me, trauma is really just one of those things that, like you mentioned, we all carry it. It's something that is, you know, generally imposed upon us from a young age in one form or another. And it's something that we carry. It's a it's a weight, it's something that can generally bog us down, even if we don't realize it. Um, but one of the things that I take away from it is that that trauma, it helps you create healthy trauma responses if you are actively engaging in your mental health and actively working to do so. And, you know, my whole philosophy for myself has been one of motivation. Um, I generally look back at at my trauma and I say, you know, I would I rather not have this, yes, but how can I use it? How can I learn from it or help others? Um that's my kind of motivating goal. It it really is kind of like the uninvited plus one to everybody's life. And, you know, it doesn't need to be a dependent. It can be something that ends up being a value add to your life. For me, that means that I'm, you know, using that to be more observant. Um, I'm able to read a room, I'm able to anticipate the needs of other people. Um, it's made me surprisingly well adept working with, as you mentioned, uh, some difficult executives of my past career. And um, you know, a lot of that is because you become environment where anything can come out of you at any point. Make this detractor that weighs me down be something that can add value, that can pay its rent, you know, it takes up space, make it pay rent. And that's kind of really my philosophy on on trauma and and trying to turn that positive around, you're never going to eliminate it.

SPEAKER_00 8:50

First of all, uh, I love that, and that's how when I was doing the intro, I I also mentioned that how we can make it pay rent. I think it's uh empowering uh to begin with. And secondly, it's like bring it on, bring it on. But then it's also not that I'm just there to take everything, I don't have that control. It also I think, and that's why it's so nuanced, Adam, honestly. We cannot just look at it from just one lens or one perspective, and that's why I think it is subjective, it's different for different people out there. And one thing I also believe, Adam, is um it shouldn't be always kind of in the comparison mode that you know, I have suffered more challenges than you, or you have suffered more than me. That's why you kind of kind of go towards the comparative tangent, especially when something as sensitive and and tender as trauma is discussed. But I I would love to know your thought on this also.

Drop The Trauma Comparison Game

SPEAKER_01 9:57

Yeah, I mean, I there's definitely a level of comparison. And I think that there's kind of two schools of thought on this. And generally, if you're someone who has had trauma in at a young age, if people haven't and you share that, generally they'll feel badly or feel that they don't have anything that compares to that. And my go-to for that is honestly, the way that you feel about your trauma is exactly how I would feel about mine. Um, that weight is the same. The experiences are different, but the weight that you carry from that and how that affects you in your day-to-day life is really the same. And, you know, there's not a uh there's not a competition for who's the most traumatized, at least not one that I would want to win. Um and that I think is where it comes down to the sharing of the experiences and that being part of your healing process, that being part of the acknowledgement process as well. And for me, that's kind of the big thing is I share those stories in a very candid way. I talk about it in a very candid way because it's okay to talk about these things. It's helpful to talk about them. And it honestly helps other people feel more comfortable talking about their experiences and their feelings and how it affects them when there's somebody that's able to do it. Um, it's definitely not easy. I think it takes practice, it takes um a lot of openness. There's a lot of different factors at play. There's cultural relevancy, there's there's all kinds of different elements that come into play for that. But it really just starts with having one person that you can talk to, one person that you can share with. And, you know, it's like anything, it's practice.

SPEAKER_00 11:50

It is, it is practice, yes, it is. And I think the same thing we can also uh say about healing. It's it's I think um it's not just one single uh end uh point in there. I think healing is a practice, it's also it's happening every day, every

Strength Versus Trauma Responses

SPEAKER_00 12:10

moment. And and also uh Adam um uh one kind of question comes to my mind is genuine strength, there is genuine strength, and then there's a trauma response. Sometimes I I believe uh that you know the uh trauma response it can mask itself, it can feel like strength. Uh how how do you start to see the difference between both of these?

SPEAKER_01 12:35

That's a really good insight. And I think really the difference comes into play in a trauma response to me is more of a skill. Um, for instance, I can read people very well, I can get the emotions of a room. That to me is more of a skill. I think that the strength from it comes from practicing those skills because every time you're practicing whatever trauma response skills you might utilize, you're in a way, you know, utilizing skills that you learned at kind of a dark time in your life. Um, and that and that strength really comes from that practice. And it's practicing those skills and being able to do that, but also giving it a name, being able to recognize the things that you do that are trauma responses, that come from something bad in your life. And the power of kind of taking that and taking that situation and those skills that you learned and putting them to work, that's the way that I've developed strength from it. Because there's a notion that you, you, you're gonna heal from trauma, it's gonna go away. And, you know, maybe that's true for some people. For me, those things don't ever go away. They lessen. You learn to carry them with more ease. Um, but they're always there. And if they're always gonna be there, you have to learn to live with them. It's like that uncle that maybe, you know, everybody invites to dinner but doesn't get along with, you know, they're always gonna be there. The best that you can hope is that you you can manage them without the table getting flipped or dinner getting ruined. Um and and that's kind of how I think about it, because I think that there's a notion of fixing things and and curing things, and we always want that. But it if you can't, or if you still struggle with it, that doesn't mean that it has to be as hard. And I think that that's the grace that we need to give ourselves sometimes is that it is hard and it may never go away, but that can also be okay because it will make you stronger, and that does make it easier to carry that in everything you do.

SPEAKER_00 14:59

I I absolutely agree. And that that thank you for giving me the segue in there. And that brings me to uh, yeah, I mean, we are short on time, but let's see. I think it's such a such a great question, by the way. But thank you. Uh Adam, you um you and and it's kind of a thing that stands out about the way you talk about your work and your life.

Trusting Yourself And Living Unboxed

SPEAKER_00 15:20

And I think I'm very sure our listeners, they are kind of now realizing is humor and depth. Uh, there is seriousness, but then there is also likeness, um, a very clear sense of who you are, your values, your identity, all of it, you know, without without anything looking like, you know, it's performative. And I think um in today's day and age, that's kind of, you know, it's challenging, but then I think it needs a great deal of courage and vulnerability at the same time. Um, so I think a lot for a lot of people, especially who are navigating identity, whether that that's their LGBTQ identity or their career path, their sense of self in a room that maybe it wasn't built for them. Um how have you learned just to be yourself without, let's say, either of that happening, you know, that quiet pressure just to box yourself or maybe over-explaining yourself?

SPEAKER_01 16:16

Yeah, it's definitely uh an interesting skill that I never thought I would have developed. Um, I used to very much be a person that I would take a zero if I had to present in front of the class. I refused. I would never want to speak in front of people. I would never want to be on stage. Um, the thought of doing something like this would have horrified me. And really, that was just because I didn't know who I was. And I was afraid to put myself out there because if I don't know who I am, how are these people going to know who I am? And genuinely, it came from trusting myself. How I eventually got to overcome that is just it came from trusting myself. And that was something that I always had as a kid. I always knew, again, tie back to trauma. Like I always knew what to do. I always knew how to make adult decisions, how to take action. And for me, I was the one holding myself back. And when I got to be older and I saw that a lot of people struggled with that, one of the main things that I wanted to do is I wanted to be myself always in everything. Work anywhere, you meet me, you hear me on here. I am the exact same person in real life because it is life is too short to be anybody else. And yeah, sure. Do I maybe need to tone it down in certain settings if I'm, you know, at work or in a meeting? Yes, I might. But largely life's too short to be anybody but yourself. And by doing that, you're giving other people inspiration to do that. You're, you're letting people know, I call it um auspicious authenticity. It's like a big part of what I believe in. Um, and it it's basically just remaining true to yourself and having value-based morality. I mean, it sounds really basic, but it it's literally what we learn as a kid like be a good person, do good things, like leave a better world than you had. Um, and I bring that into work, into my personal life. And that has really helped me kind of become the person that I am today, where I can come and talk to you and talk to the hundreds of thousands of listeners and millions of people and you know, enjoy it and not be afraid and not be scared to come on and do it and limit myself. And that really is just from inspirational people that are giving me a space to talk and having great conversations with me.

SPEAKER_00 18:54

Absolutely. And I so wish I don't kind of I'm into that. Uh yes, millions of listeners. But I really love what you shared, and I think that brings it full circle. I think what I see is the clarity and confidence in there. And um it was built slowly through knowing yourself well enough that other people's discomfort with you, it stopped being your problem to solve.

Connecting With Adam And Doing Good Work

SPEAKER_00 19:22

Um, so Adam, uh before we wrap up, I have to ask you if our listeners they would like to connect with you further. Uh, what what are the best ways for that?

SPEAKER_01 19:33

Yeah, um, so you can check us out. Uh Metacomet Studio is uh our company and metacometstudio.com, our website, all of our socials are there. Um on all of the all of the Instagrams and the Facebooks and the the TikToks and all that good stuff. Um here on Podmat, YouTube, and I also have a blog. Um a lot of we didn't we didn't chat too much about it today, but a lot of what I write about is other great nonprofits that are doing amazing work through my company. We uh donate a lot of our work to nonprofits instead of doing traditional marketing. We think it's a whole lot better to do good in our community than to waste money, you know, in places where it doesn't go to work. And um, so yeah, check us out there and look at all the cool stuff we do. We work with some amazing organizations that are really, really great and changing the world.

SPEAKER_00 20:28

So that's amazing. And yes, listeners, I'll have all the links mentioned in the show notes. Uh so yes, do check out Adam's work and connect with him and refer to all the links suggest along this episode. And uh, Adam, thank you so much. Uh, first of all, um, for bringing your whole self into this conversation and uh also for being honest in a way that um I think you know it gives permission for others to be honest too. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 20:58

Of course, my pleasure. And make sure you take up space. Everybody take up space. You deserve it.

SPEAKER_00 21:03

Absolutely. That's powerful. Yes,

Take Up Space And Close

SPEAKER_00 21:05

listeners. You heard it from Adam, and yes, thank you to everyone for spending this time here with us. And if something in what Adam shared today um stirred something in you, journal it down, or maybe just have a conversation with yourself, or maybe look in the mirror, um, talk to someone you trust. And yes, do remember taking care of your mind isn't a detour from your life. It is your life. Until then, this is Healthy Mind, Healthy Life. I'm Swana, your host, and I'll catch you in the next episode. Thank you so much.