Stories Shape Our Whole Life

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Dear listeners, every human being is living inside a story. Not the story of what actually happened to them, but the story they have told themselves about what it means. The story about whatever they are capable or not, whether they are worthy or not, whether the things that went wrong were their fault or their fate. Most people never examine that story. They just live inside it. And the story shapes everything. The risks they take, the relationships they allow, the ambitions they pursue are widely abandoned. Today's guest has spent her career working with stories, telling them, publishing them, and helping people rewrite the ones that are no longer serving them. So hey dear listeners, welcome back to another powerful episode of Healthy Mind Healthy Life, where we explore the inner landscape that shapes everything on the outside. I'm your host, Ravik, and I'm really glad that all of you are here today. And my guest tonight is a best-selling author, a TEDx speaker with over 1.5 million views, a publisher and the founder of Librepace, and it's a boutique publishing house dedicated to stories that transform and inspire. And her books include Fly Solo, the 50 Best Places for a Girl to Travel Alone, published by Penguin and Body Mind at Solo. The book that took her to the TDX stage. Well, not too much of a time. Please welcome our guest, Teresa Rodriguez. Welcome to the show.

SPEAKER_02 1:59

Thank you so much. It's such a pleasure to be here from sunny San Francisco.

SPEAKER_01 2:04

Yeah, exactly. And uh so before we get into the narrative and resilience and all the geek ideas, I want to ask about the TEDx talk. Like 1.5 million views and want to talk about going solo, uh, about women traveling and living alone. So, what nerve did that talk hit?

Abandonment And Choosing To Go Solo

SPEAKER_03 2:31

For women, that nerve hit on a few different levels. The first part of that my my talk was about being left by my first husband that I was married to in Australia, and that feeling of abandonment. And I was in a really deep spiral of depression and self-harm. And the doctor told me that, listen, you're not getting any better. I've been monitoring you every, every other day for the last month. And it looks like the best solution for you is for inpatient care. And, you know, the first thing that comes to my mind was, you know, the movie One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, you know, where these patients are in a room with a nurse dictating their life to them. And that was such a strong visual that when the doctor handed me the paperwork, I just thought to myself, when I walked out of the hospital, I was like, I cannot let another person put me in an insane asylum, basically. I'm I can't allow somebody to do that to me. So what could I possibly do to take control of my own narrative? And it was that line from one flew over the cuckoo's nest that really ignited my drive, which is one flew east and one flew west and one flew over the cuckoo's nest. And so I wanted to fly over the cuckoo's nest. I didn't want to be an inpatient because of my mental health, because of that state. So I took the last of my money and I booked a trip to London. And that's where I started to really be in the place of soloness, not alone, but in the place of being solo, in a place of being able to reconnect to who Teresa, the soul of Teresa, is. And I love the fact that the words solo and soul sound alike. And it was during this first journey by myself that I was able to breathe to be completely and utterly present with myself. And I love it when I would get onto the to the subway or to the underground. And there's the the it says there written, mind the gap. And Dr. Wayne Dyer talks about the gap as well in his meditations, where we need to fall into that space, that gap, where it is timeless. And so what I did is I kept going back to that place of timelessness in my solo trouble, which is what got me out of this really deep dark depression. And from there, I was able to catapult. I went back to Australia and finished my degree. So the lesson about that TED talk is how to navigate after something traumatic happens by using your own time and space and being solo in that space, be it in your own home, on a walk, hiking, or in another country.

How Narratives Create Real Outcomes

SPEAKER_01 5:52

You have said that the stories that we tell ourselves shape our mindset, our mental health, and our life outcomes. I mean it's a deceptively simple statement that carries enormous weight.

SPEAKER_02 6:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:11

Here my question is like, what is the story mechanism? Like, how do the narratives we carry actually produce the outcomes that we experience?

SPEAKER_03 6:21

That's such a great question. You know, there's a saying, if you think you're right or if you think you're wrong, you're right. Like if you're if you if you think you're gonna fail or you think you're gonna succeed, you're correct. And in so many different traditions, that story is recreated, you know, with in Indian, you know, Native American folklore. It's, you know, there's a wolf that tells me I can't do it, and there's a wolf that tells me I can do it. Which one, which one do I follow? I follow the one that I feed, right? The one that gets fed is the one that grows strong. But being able to shift your narrative takes a lot of work. Dr. Joe Dispenza talks about becoming a different person and making these changes. Our body doesn't like to make changes, our mind doesn't like to change. And if your parents or your school teachers or if you were bullied and the narrative that they told you was you're not good enough, you're not strong enough, you're not pretty enough, there's a part of you that believes that narrative. And there is a point in a rocket ship that you have to have so much energy to take that rocket ship out of the atmosphere. And it's the same with the with these narratives that we have been told or we create ourselves, that we have to change that narrative. But that narrative, the change in that narrative has to be a continuous process backed by a lot of power, and which which I, you know, which I see as our emotional belief in ourselves, so we can actually break out of that atmosphere of self-denial, self-sabotage. And that is where the work is. It's a daily practice, and sometimes it's it's hourly that one has to go back into their own space, that soloness, and say, I can do this, I am capable. My narrative in the past might have been this, but I am changing it and I'm moving forward. Um, Louise Hay talks about mirror work, waking up in the mirror, waking up and looking yourself in the mirror and saying, I can do this, you're doing a great job, you're doing incredible, you are that successful person. And we have to do that for ourselves. We have to write our own narrative. And I think that's what is so powerful with the work that I do with my clients and authors, is we get to construct the narrative, physically constructed on paper and in books.

Why Childhood Stories Stay Sticky

SPEAKER_01 9:10

And the stories that are hardest to rewrite, the ones that were given to us very early by family, by culture, and by early experiences of failure or rejection. What makes those particular narratives so sticky? What is it?

SPEAKER_03 9:26

Oh, one of them is that we put so much belief in other people, you know, especially at a really young age, we don't have our our brain hasn't even developed enough to know the difference between right or wrong, or what is real and what's not real. And that's why we believe in fairies and Santa and you know, all of this stuff that we just believe. And so when we're told false narratives about ourselves, we believe them at that young age. Now, as we get older, when our brain starts to develop and we leave adolescence and our reasoning power increases, that's when we have a true opportunity to look back on those and question those beliefs. We don't question when our parents say, Santa Claus is coming or the Easter Bunny is coming, the Tooth Fairy is coming. We don't question them. It is only until later in our life that we're able to question them. And that is also this the time that we are able to question what the narratives we were told, if they are true or if they are false. But so many times we get locked in this chaotic belief that the only way that we are able to separate ourselves from these narratives is to remove ourselves from that situation or from that environment and take a deep breath on our own.

The False Choice Between Peace And Drive

SPEAKER_01 11:07

You have named that this uh as a conversation that you want to have. Like it's one that a lot of high-educing people are quietly struggling with because uh ambition and well-being can feel like they are pulling in opposite directions, and you have to choose between the big life and the sustainable one. What's a story? I mean, what's the story that creates that false binary? And what do you say?

SPEAKER_03 11:38

Well, we live in a society that it is all about ambition, it's all about thriving, it's all about succeeding. But nobody in that, in that world, in that bubble, if we look at the of the if we look at ambition as a bubble, nowhere in that bubble does it say, and you should also find peace. There is no peace that is deliberately connected to ambition. Then you look at the side of well-being, and there's all this airy fairy, and oh my gosh, you spend all these, you know, hours meditating and drinking juice and going vegan and da-da-da-da. But that's not truly the narrative in well-being. When you look at what well-being is, it's a place of balance, it's a place of the middle road, it's a place where you're able to breathe and to feel freedom. Now, can you take your ambition and lay it on a the context of well-being? Yes, you can, but it's not going to look like what other people envision as ambitious or successful necessarily. And that will always be the trade-off because you can't be everywhere at once, and you can't do everything all the time. And there's this fake narrative that we've been told, especially as women, that you can have it all. We cannot have it all, nobody can have it all. So pick, you've got five choices, pick four, right?

SPEAKER_00 13:19

Right.

SPEAKER_01 13:22

So okay, and and I mean, I also want to ask about the burnout, like because it's the cost most ambitious people uh eventually pay. Like, uh, you have built a significant body of work across publishing, writing, speaking, producing. So what have you learned from your own experience about where the line is? Like, uh, what does sustainable ambition actually look like or feel like from the inside?

Define Success By How It Feels

SPEAKER_03 13:52

That's a great question. The the key word that you said there was feel. And what I really encourage your listeners to do is to take a piece of paper and write down how they want to feel successful. How what are those feelings? Is it the feeling of freedom? Is it the feeling of being able to travel anywhere you want? Is it the feeling of spending more time with your family and that that sense of love? Is it that feeling of expansiveness that you're you want to fill your days with meetings and meet new people and learn tons of new things? So everybody's North Star, right? That feeling of success is going to be different. So once you understand what those feelings are and what direction your North Star is going, then you can start to take the steps to prioritize your life under this vision of what your North Star is. Because the truth is, I'm not a millennial. I don't want to go run out. Like, I don't want to have 15 appointments in a day. I don't need to go and have drinks five times a week with my friends. I don't. I don't, I don't. But what I do want is I want to have a very peaceful house. I want to have a beautiful dinner with my family. I want to take a walk in the woods where I live. I want to be able to breathe this fresh San Francisco air. That's what I want. So for me, that is what success looks like. And so many people would be like, oh my gosh, that's so boring. But for me, that's where I am in my life. So one of the things that I just really encourage your listeners to do is find what their North Star is. And then from there, look at what their priorities are and how to match with the North Star. And one of the best ways to do that is the four quadrants created by Stephen Covey. And that is a great matrix to start to plan out your life based on what how you want to feel.

SPEAKER_00 16:01

Exactly. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:02

And so what you're saying is like ambition that is rooted in clarity about um why, about what the work is actually for, yeah, rather than the ambition as uh proof or identity or as something that you have to keep achieving to maintain a sense of self. So yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:23

Yeah, yeah. And you know, it's like we look at movie stars and influencers, and we look at these gorgeous lives that they lead, but then we look, you know, now we know it's you know, so much as AI and so much as editing, and so much. So if you look at one of those photos and you say, ask yourself, what is it about this photo that inspires me? Well, I love the fact that this photo was taken in a beautiful location. I love the fact that the meal that was photographed looks absolutely delicious and I want to eat it. I love what she or he is wearing. I feel like I would feel so confident in that outfit. So when you actually take a snapshot of an influencer and you look at it, what is really important is to look at it through the eyes of your own emotional being well-being. Like, oh, well, the reason why I really like this photo is because she's laying on a chaise lounge somewhere that looks really warm. And I really want to lay on a chaise lounge that looks that's warm. So it's not necessarily the person or the influencer, it's actually the environment in which that photo was taken. And once you can like start to break that down, you can say, oh, what I really want is I want to go somewhere warm with my friends and sit and you know, drink my ties somewhere lovely. And then you can backtrack and then create a plan to do so instead of just putting, you know, seeing all of these beautiful photos and going, oh, I can't do that, and I can't do that, and oh, she's, you know, she's so famous, and I wish I was her, and getting envious and jealous and frustrated because of the images that we're looking at.

SPEAKER_00 18:04

Yep, exactly.

Start Writing One Word At A Time

SPEAKER_01 18:06

So I want to also um ask you about, like, for someone who is listening who has a story in them, a book, a memoir, a message that they have been carrying for years and years, but haven't yet committed to. So what would you say to them?

SPEAKER_03 18:24

So many stories are locked in all of us. And the way you write a book is you put one word in front of the other.

SPEAKER_00 18:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 18:36

And that decreases the anxiety of picking up a huge tome, you know, a 400-page book and going, I can never get to this place. It's not about getting to the place, it's about the journey. So every day, commit to 15 minutes in the morning. If you wake up at 7 in the morning, wake up at 630 in the morning and commit to writing for fifty at least 15 minutes a day. What the first step with every writing journey, with every book, is the commitment to do so.

SPEAKER_00 19:17

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 19:19

And um and and yeah, also about the intentional living.

Intentional Living Means Responsibility

SPEAKER_01 19:24

Like, um what does that actually look and feel like in practice? Like, because uh intentional is a word that can mean everything or nothing else, whether so what are the daily or weekly uh kind of uh I mean markets that tell you someone is living in alignment with their own story rather than someone else's.

SPEAKER_03 19:52

When you started the podcast, you said something really, really powerful. You said, is it fault or fate? And so many people live in this blame mentality. It's their fault, they did it to me, it was done. I'm the one, I'm the victim. So the first part that needs to shift is the narrative, and we've all done it. Uh, you know, I've done it many, many times where it was like, oh, well, my ex did this to me, and it's his fault that this situation is the way that it is. So that's what's so great about taking a beat and taking a step back and just taking some time to be solo and saying, okay, you know what? I see how I played a role in this situation, and that's the first step in intentional living is taking full 100% responsibility for how your life is right now, this very day. It is because of the actions that you took one year, two years, three years, four years ago. And now you have an opportunity right now, listening to this podcast to change the trajectory and make your life better. There's a great Chinese saying it says, When is the best time to plant a tree? Well, 20 years ago was the best time to plant a tree, the second best time to plant a tree is now, and planting that tree is the first step into intentional living.

SPEAKER_00 21:41

Very, very true. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:43

Um okay, and um also if we talk about the boson who I mean not boson, I mean everyone who are listening right now, um who has been living inside Story about themselves that is quietly limiting everything they reach for. And you can also say that who has accepted as a fact that something that was never actually true, just a narrative, they were handed early and um never examined as well. So what would you say to them also?

Write Your Truth Then Turn The Page

SPEAKER_03 22:25

Oh, I love the word examined. Thank you for using that word. So many of us don't examine our lives, right? Uh, we don't take the time to stop and actually look or examine our situation, our emotional state, our living conditions, our friendships, our money. And the best way that I have found, and that's just me as a writer, is to take a blank piece of paper and start writing. Like, this is my truth. This is what's going on. You know, I'm I'm I'm living with my parents and I have an awful job that I don't like, and I'm I've got debt from going to college. That's your truth right now. And then turn that piece of paper over and write what you want to intentionally create. I want to live in my own beautiful apartment. I want to have a great career where I'm influencing and writing and I'm inspiring other people. I want to be able to travel. I want, I see my life this way. And that is where the power is, is understanding that you're going to have all of the narratives that your parents gave you. You're going to have the narratives you're telling yourself and the situation, the situational understanding of where you're at. But that doesn't mean that you're stuck there. And that's what's so important. You know, the metaphor of turning the page is so powerful because that's what we all need to do. We need to turn the page. And in that turning of the page is when we can start writing a new narrative.

SPEAKER_01 24:23

Yep. Exactly. Oh, lovely.

Where To Find Teresa And Share

SPEAKER_01 24:28

And uh I mean, uh, if someone wants to connect with you, because I mean, today we have discussed something very, very important topic, and I believe people definitely love to connect with you and to know more about it. Which would be the best platform, or what will be the uh best way to connect with you?

SPEAKER_03 24:48

So they can uh find Liberté Press at Liberte Press, and if they want to find me on Instagram, it's pretty long. It's Teresa Rodriguez underscore sf. So it's my full name, no spaces, then underscore SF. And that's where if they want to DM me. We also have Liberté Press underscore if they want to reach out through Liberte um Instagram as well. Amazing.

SPEAKER_01 25:18

But yeah, listeners, what I'll do is I'll put all the links and the details into the show notes for your easy reference. And with this, that's it up for today's episode of Healthy Mind and Healthy Life. And if this conversation made you examine, yes, I'm again repeating, made you examine.

SPEAKER_00 25:34

Great work. Oh, I love it.

SPEAKER_01 25:36

Story. Examine a story that you have been carrying um about who you are, what you are capable of, or what kind of life you are allowed to want, please don't let that examination stop when this episode ends. That's where the real work begins. Yes, and as I promised, uh Parissa's books and libertari press will ever detail with the end of the show notes. And if someone in your life is ready to rewrite their story and that needs a reminder that it's possible, then please share it this with them. And with this hope, this is your host, Evek, and this is Mind Meets Machine. Story is not text. So take care of yourselves and see you next time. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_02 26:24

Thank you. Have a wonderful day.