Welcome And A Core Question

SPEAKER_01 0:06

Welcome to Helly Mind, Helly Life. I am Srimadha and today I would like to begin with a simple question. How often do we try to think our way out of emotions that were never meant to stay in our heads? Many of us spend years searching for peace through productivity, achievement, or constant self-empowerment and improvement, while our bodies are stories we have never fully listened to. Sometimes healing doesn't begin with finding better words. Sometimes it begins with noticing a burden, a movement, or having the courage to simply feel it for a while. Today we are exploring what it means to create safety inside ourselves and why our bodies may already know the way back home. And helping us today is Elizabeth Janowski. Elizabeth, thank you so much for joining us tonight.

SPEAKER_00 1:09

Thank you so much. I love that introduction. I feel that, yes, we can get so caught up in even the achievement of health and balance that we forget that we have so many of the tools already inside our body, and it can be simpler than you imagined it could be.

SPEAKER_01 1:33

Absolutely. And Liz is someone, listeners, who invites people to reconnect with emotions that words often cannot reach. And since we have here today, I would like to begin with a question. You know, Liz, when we hear the word embodiment,

What Embodiment Really Means

SPEAKER_01 1:52

we often imagine movement, physical movement in that sense, but it's so much deeper than that. So how would you describe embodiment to someone who has never experienced it before?

SPEAKER_00 2:05

Well, first, thank you so much for asking. I would say that you have experienced embodiment and you are experiencing it all the time. I believe that embodiment has taken on sort of a spiritual new age thing where you need to be at a yoga retreat in Bali, or it needs to be a perfect day where everything is working for you and you feel so sensorally connected. But you are embodied at every moment. It doesn't mean that we don't, we don't get into our heads and not process what's happening for us, but you are fundamentally a sensory being who is experiencing the world through your senses. Whether or not you're tracking that is something we can talk about today, but you are fundamentally in a body, and that is your primary mechanism of having a human experience. And there's so many things in our world right now that want to take us into data tracking about our body or move us into sort of, you know, artificial experiences or flattened experiences with technology, but fundamentally, we are still an animal who has feelings and senses the world, and that's our primary mechanism of experiencing it. So I would say that embodiment is just as simple as remembering that your body isn't just here to carry your head around. Your body is fundamentally sending you signals at all times about what you've processed in the past, what you haven't processed in the past, and what's currently occurring for you. And I think it's also your greatest tool for being more alive, more at peace, and more connected to yourself and others around you.

SPEAKER_01 3:51

That makes

When High Achievement Stops Working

SPEAKER_01 3:52

so much sense. And Liz, was there any particular moment in your own life that made you realize that probably your body is wisdom that your mind alone couldn't access?

SPEAKER_00 4:04

Absolutely. So I have I was a high-achieving person. I spent my early 20s working in graduate school. And when I hit my 30s, I had two children back to back. And I realized after the birth of my daughter, who's my youngest, that I really was no longer able to carry on in the same method where I'd been, where I just sort of powered through everything, which is a lot of what high-achieving people do, right? Or especially high-achieving women. I think you just sort of, you just carry on, was that that was no longer working for me. Like I was having insomnia, anxiety, like things were just starting to bubble up in ways that I was no longer able to just be like, well, you got four hours of sleep, get up into your day and be happy about it. And I found myself invited to start doing a movement practice, which I have now kind of adapted into a whole range of things, but that allowed me to sit with myself. And I really think that's that's it can be as simple or as complex as that to just say I started to realize that I hadn't spent time sitting with myself that wasn't mediated. It wasn't, I wasn't hanging out with other people, I wasn't trying to achieve, I wasn't on a screen, and just sitting with myself and slowly accessing what was actually going on with me at the present moment, what was stored in there as past emotional experiences. I realized I actually had no idea at that point in my life what I even liked in this as a sensory being anymore. Like what fabrics did I like on my skin, what foods did I like to eat, what clothes did I like to wear, what kind of bedding did I want? And it fundamentally changed my perspective that that is it is not something that you can, you can, you can live without genius your whole life, but I was missing out on a whole level of awareness, access to communication with myself and others, and really just enjoyment of life. Isn't that what we're here to do? Which is like try to enjoy our lives more.

SPEAKER_01 6:18

Absolutely. And listen, you brought your own example and the you talked about high-achieving women or maybe high-achieving persons in general. So oftentimes there are a lot of these sort of people who don't feel safe expressing emotions because they have learned to hide them. So, from your perspective, how do you think creating sort of a safety in your body actually look like and feel like where we

A Simple Practice For Inner Safety

SPEAKER_01 6:45

can express our emotions?

SPEAKER_00 6:47

Well, I I'll give you two answers. One is that if you have the option of finding, which I think is a unique thing to have, but finding a couple of friends, a community, a place, I do think that we all want to be seen and heard. However, before it, and that's an important step. However, I think even before that step, I was thinking today what was a practice I could offer to your wonderful listeners. And I think it can be as simple. And my recommendation is to take time to just listen to the moment by moment experiencing of what's actually going on for you. So I recommend, I don't always do this, but when I'm in periods, especially of transition, it's incredibly important to me to go on a walk. Just go somewhere that you think is beautiful. I wouldn't, you know, maybe it's a little peaceful there, like not a chaotic thing. Don't bring music, don't bring a podcast, don't try to, you know, if you're thinking about work, that's okay. But it's it's like a meditative experience, except for instead of saying, I'm trying to have a goal or outcome with this, we're just having the the experience of, okay, wow, my my shoulders are tight. Okay, why, what is that about? Without necessarily even trying to fix it, just saying, I can accept that. My um, I feeling anxiety today. Okay, I'm just feeling where does that anxiety inside of me and just re feeling the sensations that are occurring for you? I think when you can know yourself in that way and allow yourself to just have maybe that 20 minutes where you go, okay, I can experience myself as a being that has sensations and I can be okay with those sensations. I have noticed myself start to then open up and be like, wow, that's a really beautiful flower. Or the sun feels really good on me. And that expands my feeling of safety. I know I can accept what's occurring inside of my body and externally. And what it I think that then does in my experience is it allows me to be more open to the possibilities of what's happening with people around me, my children, my spouse, because I say I can accept all the feelings I'm having right now. Obviously, if you're in some deep panic state, maybe this isn't the greatest feeling you've had, but I think it can be as simple as just saying, I'm giving myself unmediated, unstructured time without a goal. It's not like an exercise walk to just say, I feel, I can feel what's happening inside of me right now. Maybe it feels great, maybe it feels awful, but it's it's there, and that's my human experience right now.

SPEAKER_01 9:35

And small change can make a profound difference. As you said, you can feel more emotions right now, and I think that's a good place to begin, big. Liz, uh no, I think you're also right. Okay, uh Liz. Yeah, I mean, that's that's what we got from what you said, and um, I also learned that you have chosen three form hands as a way to explore intimacy and self-understanding. So, why did you choose this sort of a movement

Freeform Movement Without Explaining Yourself

SPEAKER_01 10:12

instead of maybe just making those small steps, uh increasing the number of those small things that you did? So, why did you choose this form?

SPEAKER_00 10:22

So I have been very lucky that I found through my experience of after I had my second child, I found myself in a very creative, interesting community of women who were moving to music through their bodies, and it became incredibly important to me. It was based on S Factor, which is a an movement thing expression that's for women. It's about connecting with your sensual body. I found myself in that community and I was able to witness myself and the women around me having space without words, without it needing to feel it, you know, like I'm in therapy and I need to explain myself, just being able to move through emotions that they had. I found it to be the most profoundly beautiful thing I'd ever personally witnessed, as well as experience myself. I began in my own way to sort of adapt this format of just having people witness you as you were in free form emotional expression. And I realized that this sounds kind of scary, and you're not, maybe you're not a dancer, or like, where would I go to find this? And I myself try to move at least once a week, just even completely on my own, even if I'm not teaching or in my community, of just this is a song that has meaning for me, that feels like something, and I'm just gonna roll around. I'm gonna lay in a soft cushion of pillows, I'm gonna lay in my bed and just say, I can feel this, this, this freeform feeling that I'm having right now, and here's some spaciousness for it. The beautiful thing about that community that I have created, and they do exist other places, is when you are when you allow yourself to trust that what is moving through your body is a beautiful expression. There's so many rewards. Not only do you start to appreciate your own beauty, your own capacity, but when it is witnessed by others and reflected back to you, I've seen powerful self-transformation for people just being able to say, I can be in grief, I can be in anger, I can be in lust. And those experiences can be reflected back to me without them needing to go anywhere, without them needing to be like I'm experiencing this with my partner or in my workplace. This is just a place to just have feelings without judgment. And to me, that's been uh such an important part of my life.

SPEAKER_01 13:02

I think that's that's amazing the way you say you build a community and that exists to support you. That's that's incredible.

How Body Safety Changes Relationships

SPEAKER_01 13:11

Um Liz, uh, you know, often um our relationships are also impacted by our understanding of our own sets. I mean that's that's a crucial role that plays in the relationship. So, how does feeling safer in our own bodies change the way we can connect with our uh partners, family, friends, or maybe even strangers?

SPEAKER_00 13:34

I will say for myself and for the women that I, the hundreds of women that have come through my community, for myself as a mother, and not everyone is a mother that's come to our community, but you know, what it has given me as I can feel safe to have expressions, which isn't something I always felt as a child, that it wasn't okay for me as a a small girl, for example, to feel really angry. I would say that's one of the edgier ones, or to feel um like it was okay for me to be loud and take up space and be the center of attention, that having slices of those experiences in myself allowed me when my children, for example, are expressing a lot of upsetness or really needing a lot from me. I know I have the capacity to feel that. So I not only feel more empathetic to them, but I also feel like they get the spaciousness to say, it's okay for me to have any feeling. It's okay to move that fully through my body instead of squashing it or redirecting it. And then what I found is that a lot of times those feelings within them as children resolve quickly. They sort of needed just the space to do that. And I don't know that had I not found in myself the capacity to do that, I would have been able to hold space for them without being really reactive. With my partner, my husband, it has transformed our marriage in some ways that were hard. Like I think once you start wanting more resonance and truth, it can put a spotlight on where you don't have that in your in your partnership. But I will say ultimately, what that's also allowed for him is that he knows I can also make space for feelings that he's having, for expressions that aren't just exactly what I want. I mean, I'm not perfect at this, but like there's space for him to grow as a person. Because there was space for me to feel, I'm constantly growing. There's space for him to feel, and it just created a more accepting experience for me in my relationships.

SPEAKER_01 15:44

Absolutely. And that's that's so much about creating that space, as you mentioned, because only then can authenticity uh be

Start With Yeses And Nos

SPEAKER_01 15:52

possible. Uh and Liz, uh, for the final question, if someone who's listening to this right now and is feeling disconnected from themselves but doesn't know where they should begin, what step would you encourage them to take so that they can just feel the confidence without feeling guilty?

SPEAKER_00 16:12

First of all, I wanna I just want to say again, it does not have to be something big. I think we are in our in our bodies, and this has been really proven through things like the understanding of interoception, which is like our tiny body signals inside, is give yourself some space. Maybe get in uh someplace that feels really somatically comfortable for you, like your bed, and then start asking yourself, what are things in this environment that are yeses for me and no's for me? Maybe you'll realize, like, you know what, I actually need this to feel softer and cozier, and I'm gonna go buy a new pillow today. Or this this, like, this bra is too constrictive. I need to take it off. Or I really love this candle I have in my room. Just allowing yourself to remember that fundamentally you're a sensory being and that you can you expand into yeses, and that you also can contract into no's, and no's are okay too. This isn't for me, and this is for me. And I think once you start telling your body, I see you, I'm listening to you. Like, I don't actually like eating a protein bar at 5 a.m. and then getting in my car. Like, I need a little more time than that. I think your body responds like a blossoming flower. It's like, thank you for listening. I've always been here. You're not disconnected from me. You just, I just need you to feel. I mean, literally, like touch, feel, receive, experience. And from there else, everything, everything starts to unfold for you.

SPEAKER_01 17:52

Absolutely. And safety doesn't just mean we create it with others, it's to a large extent creating that sort of safe relationship with our own bodies. And as you mentioned, it's very important to listen to our bodies.

SPEAKER_00 18:06

Yeah, absolutely. And I mean, you not all the things you're gonna hear are gonna be great. You might hear like, wow, I really have a headache. And but at least the recognition, I believe, allows your body to continue to help you move through this world and the way you're meant to move through this world, which is as an alive being who's feeling things and who has the capacity to receive.

Where To Find Elizabeth And Closing

SPEAKER_01 18:32

Elizabeth, thank you so much for sharing your experience and your perspectives with us today. And if any of our listeners want to connect with you or learn more about your work, where do you suggest them finding you?

SPEAKER_00 18:44

Thank you so much. I would love for people to visit my website, Permissionary, like permissionary, like a missionary.com. You can see a lot of the photographic work I've done taking photos of women because once I started to see women unfolding their emotional expression, it became the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. As well as you can visit my Substack, Substack at Permissionary.

SPEAKER_01 19:10

Absolutely. I would definitely recommend our listeners to please go have a look. I'm sure that would be of much help to all of us. And if today's conversation resonated with your listeners, I hope you will spend a few quiet moments to reflect on what your body has been trying to tell you. Thank you for joining us from all around the world and for spending these moments with us. Take care of your mind, be kind to your body. Until the next time, stay safe, stay present, and keep choosing yourself.