Small Moments That Change Everything

SPEAKER_00 0:05

You know that feeling to look back at your life and realize that the biggest shift wasn't in one moment. It was like a hundred small ones you barely noticed at the time. That's actually the whole game, which most of us often ignore. Most of us are often waiting for the dramatic turning point when really life is being shaped by the small quiet moments, one ordinary distinction at a time. And today we are going to sit with that exact idea because I think that changes how we look at our own weed. Welcome to Healthy Mind, Healthy Life, the show where we talk about mental well-being like real people, not textbooks. And I am Shameda, and today's conversation is going to be about the small decisions that quietly build and erode our mental health, our relationships, and how we need. And by the end of this, I want you to uh walk away with something that you can actually use this week, not just something that sounded nice. Today, joining us is Chip Skulls. Chip, thank you so much, Bajan.

SPEAKER_01 1:25

For me, it's it's a pleasure. Thank you very much for having me on.

SPEAKER_00 1:30

It's a pleasure. And Chip is an author and a speaker whose work, including his book, Small Decisions, Big Shifts, comes from a simple but powerful belief that the best lives, like the best handmade bowls, are shaped patiently, one careful choice at a time. Chip, welcome to the show. And I'm really glad you are here. I'm sure this conversation is going to be very enriching.

SPEAKER_01 1:58

I'm sure it will be. Thank you.

Why Big Breakthroughs Rarely Stick

SPEAKER_00 2:00

Uh so Chip, I will start with the first. So often we romanticize the idea of the big moment or a dramatic breakthrough, a change in our life. But when we are trying to build this full message around the opposite idea, how do you place it?

SPEAKER_01 2:21

You know, the the funny thing is that um uh there are a lot of people that really wish they would win the lottery, and uh and they they wish they would they would become instantly rich. Um, and and that would be the big moment that uh we're talking about. You know, the the truth is that most lottery winners um don't end up with the money, they they uh fritter the money away, and in a couple of years they're broke, and they they haven't changed anything, they haven't changed any mindsets, they haven't changed what they do, and and all they do is just do more of it, and they end up frittering all the money away. So, you know, look, when when I'm talking about the the small decisions that change that change everything, um what I'm talking about is uh um sure we can we can have goals, those are those are really good. Um and and we should want um some some things, new job, new house, new whatever. But uh, but you know, it's gonna take a lot of small decisions. It's gonna take us a decision every day to get up and go after it. You know, if you want to build a business from from you know a million to 10 million, you've got to make a small decision every day that that's what you want to do, because if you do the same damn thing that you've been doing, it'll never change.

SPEAKER_00 3:48

Absolutely. But what happens when someone is stuck waiting for that one moment? So what do you think is happening underneath that? I mean, maybe there are certain beliefs that compel us to think so.

SPEAKER_01 4:03

Yeah, and and there was a uh there was a book several years ago called The Secret, and it was uh all the rage, and people bought uh millions of dollars worth of of The Secret, and and uh the uh the author was really happy that they bought all that uh that book. And uh, you know, the the secret said, you know, write a check to the universe and and do all this other stuff that that gets you that one big thing. You know, if we're as simple as that, if we could just think it, um, if if we only just had to think it, and we would do it. But the real the real truth is that you know it's

A Stroke Story And Daily Walking

SPEAKER_01 4:46

it's doing things in steps, you know, and and I'll give you a great example of this. Um several years ago, I um I had a stroke, and and I weighed 150 pounds, or yeah, about a hundred and 110 pounds more than I do today. Um I didn't gain all that weight at once. It took a lot of small decisions of eating some some you know bad things and having dessert every night and and doing stuff that just wasn't good to get me where I was. So I didn't step into a fat suit and I wasn't going to be able to unzip and take a fat suit off. So it's a small decision. It was a small decision every day. Um uh the uh the two years after I had the stroke, I walked every day. Every day I had to make that decision to get up and put my shoes on and get out and walk. And you know, I I started where I couldn't walk around the block, and by the end of the uh end of the two years, I was walking five to ten miles a day. That's a that's kind of a big deal, right? That's a lot of steps. And and thank God I had a tracker, you know, uh an app for uh for tracking all that. But uh, but it was a decision every day to do that. And and it was it was a decision not to put the things in my mouth that uh um that I really liked, but weren't going to advance me towards where I wanted to be. So so everything we do is a small decision. And you know, here's here's the funny part is is we don't even think about 85% of the decisions. We we've already made those decisions. So when we're talking about changing mindset, where we're talking about changing what we do, we've got to go back and start to examine all the decisions we make every day, or the decisions that we don't make every day and change them. Does does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00 6:53

Absolutely, it does. And I mean, thank you so much for sharing your personal experience. And should we find asked what uh really pushed you to this idea of making those small steps to take those small steps at a time when you were really suffering? So uh, I mean, what was your motivation, if we couldn't just say this then?

SPEAKER_01 7:17

It it had been the um I you know, listen, I've been an executive coach for about 30 years, and and so I I had worked with a number of clients. Um, but it really brung it home to me that I needed to to make those changes. Um you know, when you have a stroke and and it's it's a it's a pretty life-altering event. Um and and you may not want it to alter your life, but you've got to, you know, what I came out of that with is I just wanted to do everything better. So, you know, that was when I said, okay, listen, I I have to start doing what I've been telling everybody else to do, and I have to do it better. And uh um, and so you know, that was that was the decision point is is look, um, if I'm gonna live my life, and if I'm gonna live my life well, um, and if I'm going to survive, um, I have to do different things.

The Five C’s Framework For Change

SPEAKER_01 8:18

And and that's you know, that's where I I've got a uh a book that you mentioned, it's small decisions, big shifts, um, and it used the framework of the five C's. And the five C's are context, clarity, conditioning, choice, and character. Context is is knowing who you are, knowing your situation, being situationally aware. Um clarity is being sure and knowing certain terms what you want. And and most people have no clue what they want. They know what they don't want, but they they can't tell you what they want. Um, conditioning is is changing your mind and and being aware of the things that you've got to change. And um and nothing changes if you only change your mind. If you're only thinking about something and you're not doing anything, nothing changes. So choice is is behaving in the ways that you have changed your mindset. And then um character is about uh is about personal accountability. It's it's being accountable to yourself, it's being accountable to others as well, but it's it's being accountable to yourself. So, you know, that's that's the framework that I use, and that's the framework that I use with with coaching clients to um help them change their uh the way they're doing things.

SPEAKER_00 9:36

Absolutely, the five C's and definitely resilience added to all of those because that's that that builds the mindset to have the patience to make one choice and one decision at a time. Thank you so much, for mentioning this. And Chip, if you could just mention how this uh might actually look like in our regular everyday life, maybe in our relationships, work, uh maybe when we are having a hard week. So, how do you think a small decision is going to quite really shape something bigger for us?

SPEAKER_01 10:15

Um how okay, so I'm I'm gonna ask you a question. How do you define a hard week?

SPEAKER_00 10:23

Uh I just meant it in a very objective way. Maybe just a long week is a better term.

SPEAKER_01 10:30

Okay, I think the business to do. Are you saying that that um that forces conspire to to keep us down and that's that's a bad week?

SPEAKER_00 10:45

Because uh oftentimes situations are not very in our favor. So how do we keep our resilience intact in those situations?

Resilience When Life Hits Hard

SPEAKER_01 10:54

Well, first of all, you've gotta be resilient. You know, if if you're in the mindset that that everything is conspirating to make you feel bad, you're never gonna get out of that. I mean, you know, if if if every listen, I I went through a season where in five years I lost a job, I got a new job, I got promoted and uh and moved to another city. Um both of my parents died. I got divorced and I got remarried. And oh yeah, by the way, when I got remarried, I ended up with a family. So I had I I inherited three daughters. Um that was all in five years. I mean, most people don't don't put up that in 40 years. So so you know, you you go through something like it, and you can you can say to yourself, hey, the universe is conspiring to put me down. Or, or you know, that that woe is me, these horrible things have happened. But it's just life, you know? I mean, it's it's like failure. We fail every day. I mean, I'm sure, I'm sure today you've probably failed in two or three different ways. Small ways. You know, it it might have been in in you know, having something to eat that you didn't particularly uh didn't feel it wasn't particularly good for you, but uh, but you wanted it anyway. It could have been, it could have been, you know, it could be for me, it could be loading the dishwasher wrong. That's that's a failure. But I'm not a failure because I fail. So, you know, you've you've got to have that mindset that that you know, um, look, um, people aren't out to get me. You know, and and that's that's the the key to resilience. You have you have tough times and you come back. I had a stroke. I only had one what was me day. I only had one day where I asked God, why me? And I got over that really quickly. And it's like, look, if if it's to be, it's me. I've got to do those things, and I've got to make those decisions. And I've and and that's resilience. Um and resilience is is the way that you talk to yourself, resilience is the way that you think. The resilience is is is a mindset. Um and if you don't have it, work on it, because not everything is gonna go the way it's it's supposed to. You know, that's what I spent a lot of time talking about is is look, when life does not give you what you think it should, what do you do? How do you recover?

SPEAKER_00 14:05

Absolutely, and that's such a good frame. And as we mentioned, resilience is a mindset, it's the way we think, it's and that that will automatically propel our actions. Thank you so much for mentioning this, Chip. And um, you know, uh, how do you suggest people hold on to this sort of a consistency, this sort of resilience in the long term? Maybe a few tips.

SPEAKER_01 14:32

Yeah.

Affirmations And How The Brain Learns

SPEAKER_01 14:33

Um, well, and I call them thermals. Some people call them affirmations. Um, I I don't know, have you ever used affirmations in in uh you know like daily affirmations?

SPEAKER_00 14:45

I did.

SPEAKER_01 14:47

Yeah, yeah. So that's the real simple thing. So here's here's the psychology of that, and and the actually the physiology of that is uh um if you take a look at the cross section of the brain, um, the front part of the brain is called the cortex, the uh the outside is the cortex. The cortex is the only part of the brain that has language, it's the only part of the brain that it's it's the it's the uh um active waking mind, it's the conscious brain. So, so we can think amazing things with it, we can understand complex conversations, we can understand um tons of complex information in the cortex. Okay, the real processing goes on in the limbic brain, and the limbic brain is is that part that's in the middle, it's made up of a bunch of different structures, the medulla and all the uh all the other uh parts of the brain. Um but the limbic brain has no language, it thinks thinks in pictures, and it's where our it's where our operating system lies. It's it's where the the synaptic connections, which are which are when these these uh neurons, the basic building block of the brain, the neurons get together and uh um and they form little mini thunderstorms between the dendrites that that come off of them. And that forms a synaptic connection. And some of your your closely held beliefs are synaptic connections that could be millions of neurons. That makes it really strong. That means that it's hard lifting to be able to uh um uh to get those neurons to not really break apart, but to stop connecting. Okay. Um when you say an affirmation, or like I said, I call them thermals, but when you say an affirmation, an affirmation is a statement that's in the first person, that is positive, that is if uh as if the situation has already happened. So, you know, if I'm working on my confidence, I'm a person who is confident. If I'm working on my health, I'm a person who's healthy. So it's assuming that you've already gotten there and it's a positive statement. And here's here's a couple ways that that you use that. You write it down, because when you write things down, they become real. You take and uh um and put it on a post-it or uh put it on your phone or somewhere where you're gonna see it three times a day, and you get up three times a day and you say it out loud three times a day. If you do that for 30 days, I guarantee you that you'll feel a shift. That you'll feel a shift in the direction of what you're affirming. Now, there's another way that I also talk about it, and it's it's based on on kinesiology. Um, and uh, and I I can go through that if you'd like, but uh it takes a little bit longer. Um and and you know, if you uh if you have the time, I know we're we're kind of running up against time.

SPEAKER_00 18:15

So uh you can just go through it. Okay, all

Building A Sleep Affirmation With Senses

SPEAKER_00 18:20

right.

SPEAKER_01 18:20

So so I'm gonna ask you to uh to be the subject of this. So so what's one thing that you want to work on?

SPEAKER_00 18:29

Uh currently maybe just to have a good sleep because my sleep schedule is getting out of my hands.

SPEAKER_01 18:37

Yeah, it's it's it's talking on podcasts way too late into the night, right?

SPEAKER_00 18:42

No, no, not really.

SPEAKER_01 18:44

Yeah, yeah. So so um how about how about an affirmation that I'm a person who sleeps well? Okay, would would that work for you?

SPEAKER_00 18:58

Yes, that would.

SPEAKER_01 19:00

Okay, okay. So so here's what I want you to do is I want you to think of a time that you had a great sleep. In other words, maybe it's the last time that you had a great sleep.

SPEAKER_00 19:12

Well, it was like about a month ago, maybe.

SPEAKER_01 19:18

Okay, so so maybe a month ago, and and what did it feel like? I mean, what was it was just it you woke up refreshed and everything was wonderful, right?

SPEAKER_00 19:29

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 19:30

Okay, so so um what I'd like to do is I like to develop in the visual, the auditory, and the kinesthetic. So when you woke up, what did you see? What what was what was the thing that you saw uh or in your surroundings?

SPEAKER_00 19:47

Uh it just felt a little brighter for me. The day seemed uh a little more positive for me. I was not uh very bothered about the alarm uh alarm clock. I mean, usually I am very irritated by that, but then again, I wasn't very irritated that day.

SPEAKER_01 20:05

Okay. So, you know, nobody was saying anything to you in the room, but what were you saying to yourself?

SPEAKER_00 20:12

I was rested well, I felt energetic.

SPEAKER_01 20:16

Okay. Okay, so now we're gonna talk about how you feel. So um I I I want you to close your eyes and open them up when I when I tell you to. So where in your body, because you you you felt an emotion, right? You it felt really good and you just you just felt so good. So where in your body did you feel that emotion?

SPEAKER_00 20:41

Oh, I think it was mostly my entire body, and I think uh yeah, mum. I felt fresh mentally first thing first.

SPEAKER_01 20:52

Okay. So think about the emotion and key in on the emotion. Um if the emotion has a shape, what shape is it?

SPEAKER_00 21:04

It would be light blue for me. That's my favorite color.

SPEAKER_01 21:08

Okay, so that's your favorite color. What shape would it be? Would it be round or uh um what would what shape would it be?

SPEAKER_00 21:15

Uh I think yellow.

SPEAKER_01 21:18

Okay. So so um if if the shape has a temperature when you feel it, what temperature is it?

SPEAKER_00 21:28

Uh for me, my surroundings, a comfortable temperature would be 25 to 28, so somewhere around that.

SPEAKER_01 21:36

Okay, okay. And uh, and if you if you had to describe the emotion, um, the texture of it when you feel it, what texture was it?

SPEAKER_00 21:47

Soft.

SPEAKER_01 21:49

Okay, so so open your eyes. Is that the first time you've ever expressed an emotion in physical terms? Yes, yeah, and see, we can do that because because our body actually gives us signals. Um, our our brain is connected to a bunch of glands that shoot out all kinds of short chain peptides. And we don't have to be in the situation to to feel that. We can go back and remember, and that puts us in that that mindset. So so what you do is is as you're repeating, I'm a person who sleeps well, as you're as you're repeating that uh that statement, if you connect to that that light blue, soft, uh 28 degrees Celsius, uh, you know, it's that makes it so much, much uh uh stronger. So now you've you've got your you've got your work cut out for you, right? You want to sleep well. So with the next 30 days, you're gonna say, I'm a person who sleeps well, right?

SPEAKER_00 22:53

That was so amazing. I mean, I never thought of expressing an emotional in these terms, having a visual and uh, you know, such physical appearances associated with it. I never thought of it this way. Thank you so much, sure.

SPEAKER_01 23:08

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 23:10

That was incredible. I'm definitely trying this affirmation out. I mean, I am personally definitely very invested in this right now.

Books, Where To Find Chip, Closing

SPEAKER_01 23:18

There are a couple of books if you ever get a chance to get a hold of them. Um, there's one by David Hawkins called Power versus Force. There's another one by Bruce Lipton called Um The Biology of Belief. So, you know, there's there's a a lot of writing that that's been done about this over the years.

SPEAKER_00 23:39

Thank you so much. I will definitely try to have a look. Thank you so much, Chip. And Chip, if um our listeners want to connect with you as well, so where do you suggest they find you?

SPEAKER_01 23:52

Yeah, I'm I'm on on Facebook, I'm on uh I'm on LinkedIn, um, I'm on Instagram. You know, you can find me anywhere there. Um my website is is shoals and associates.com. Um, and I'm Chip at shoalsandassociates.com if you want to send me an email. And uh um my books are on Amazon um and also on a number of other audiobook platforms.

SPEAKER_00 24:16

Thank you so much, Chip. I will definitely recommend our listeners to please go have a look, try this out. Definitely it's going to work off for you as well. And maybe you can try out the experiment on your own as well, the little one that we tried right now. I'm sure it will be of much help. Thank you, Chip. Thank you so much for joining us tonight.

SPEAKER_01 24:35

Thank you, Shri. Really appreciate it.

SPEAKER_00 24:39

And to our listeners, this is LD Mind. And if today's conversation gave you even one small thing to sit down with this week, please do that because that's enough. That's the small step you need to take. And you don't need to overhaul your life tonight. You just need to notice the next small decision in front of you and maybe choose it with a little more care next time. Until next time, take care of your mind and take care of each other. I'll meet you in another circle.